My Thanksgiving Grrr....NBR

TheBachelorette

Since many of us seem to be having some holiday drama, I thought I would get your ideas on how to deal with ours.

We are having Thanksgiving.  I was looking forward to a quiet holiday, with my Dad (Mom passed away three years ago), my sister and her boyfriend, DH, our au pair and the twins.  A small Thanksgiving sounds fabulous to me after very large family dinners for the Jewish holidays.  Not to mention that I am an attorney and I have a trial starting on the Monday after Thanksgiving.  I was envisioning a day in my pjs, hor dourves throughout the afternoon and dinner at 6.  That is our traditional Thanksgiving.

Last night my Dad calls and lets me know that his girlfriend and her family (a total of 8 people, 2 kids and 2 large dogs) are coming to dinner.  As if that is not enough, they want dinner at 4 and Dad invited everyone to come between 10-11 in the morning so they can watch the games and have hor dourves.  So I am going to have everyone underfoot all day.

I really don't know how to handle this.  I don't want to fight with my father but I think this is just too much.  I don't have the luxury of being able to take off days before the holiday to cook.  I have 6 month old twins (though they will be 7 months by Thanksgiving) and I think it is just inconsiderate to expect me to do this.  He keeps saying that I will have help but I don't think he realizes what will transpire with 7 month old twins, 2 children under 4, 6 dogs, and 14 adults.  I also don't think he realizes how much extra food I will have to cook for all those people.  What would you guys do?

amanda31H

Sh*tty.

If saying "no" to everything isn't an option, then just tell him that his girlfriend's family can come over for dinner only - and you can determine the time that's most convenient for you.

That's not an unreasonable request as this is your home, and YES- you  have 7 month twins!!!  Good lord! 

"Help" - hahaha.  I love when people say that.  Most of the time it means random people putzing (sp?) around my kitchen and getting in my way.  There are about 3 people on the planet that I will cook/entertain with because otherwise it doesn't work.  Men definitely don't get that.

lmydogally

Holy hell, my heart just started racing reading about all those people you will have to cook and entertain.  I usually do Thanksgiving every year and it's the most difficult holiday.  I have no advice, I just feel for you.

TheBachelorette

He gets offended when I laugh at his "help" comments.  Everyone always says I will have "help."  It is never actually help, but people standing in my way and "taste testing" food while I am trying to cook.  Already, I wish the holidays were over.  How sad is this.

amanda31H

TheBachelorette:

He gets offended when I laugh at his "help" comments.  Everyone always says I will have "help."  It is never actually help, but people standing in my way and "taste testing" food while I am trying to cook.  Already, I wish the holidays were over.  How sad is this.

I couldn't agree more.  I've never felt that way.  I mean...there was always family drama at some level (ohhh especially the year that DH and I got married...so many people mad about our wedding plans and we got married in January, so right after the holidays), but it was always manageable, and easier to laugh off.

Somehow the drama from this year is very hard for me to shrug off. 

JosiePosy

Holy hell I would be pissed.

AmyJoy728

I wouldn't want strangers to bring their dogs over. You never know what can happen with that many dogs in one place.

You could possibly ask that Dad and crew bring something (homemade or store bought), maybe mashed potatoes or stuffing. Maybe ask sister and boyfriend to be in charge of making all the stuff to much on throughout the day...

I'm sorry, that's just rude to invite 8 other people to a holiday meal.

jenn_darrin1515

I hate when people think that their pets can automatically come with them - 2 large dogs - hell to the no!!!  I get that people love their pets...but legally they can spend a couple hours alone at home without you...

I would say no way to the dogs...

tell them dinner is at 6pm - and since you have to work late the nite before - hor d'ourves start at 4pm...end of story...you hope they can make it...I wouldn't budge on this...I get htat you dad thinks the more the merrier...but there is no reason for you to completely give up your holiday...

and you have 7 month old twins!!! just lol at his suggestion and let him know that these are your plans, this is how you can be accomodating and thats that.

leslie13510

jenn_darrin1515:

I hate when people think that their pets can automatically come with them - 2 large dogs - hell to the no!!!  I get that people love their pets...but legally they can spend a couple hours alone at home without you...

I would say no way to the dogs...

tell them dinner is at 6pm - and since you have to work late the nite before - hor d'ourves start at 4pm...end of story...you hope they can make it...I wouldn't budge on this...I get htat you dad thinks the more the merrier...but there is no reason for you to completely give up your holiday...

and you have 7 month old twins!!! just lol at his suggestion and let him know that these are your plans, this is how you can be accomodating and thats that.

This.  Don't budge on it, that's ridiculous, and rude of him to just assume it's ok to invite that many extra people (and DOGS... who just invites their pets to someone's house?!) along.  And with that many extra people, they had also better be helping to pay for food, or bringing lots of sides. 

JosiePosy

Agreed on the dogs. I love my dog, but no way would I ever think she was automatically welcome in someone's home. That's nuts. I would put my foot doen there for sure.

KellyD01

If you can't get out of the extra people I would absolutely say no to the dogs. The twins could feasibly be crawling by then and you wouldn't want them to sneak up on the dogs and startle them... accidental dog bites aren't exactly the way I'd want to spend my Thanksgiving!!! I know it sucks to deal w/ more people than you had planned, but if you can't get out of it, it might be best to pick your battles. Draw the line at the dogs and tell him what they can bring to "help". Anytime we have more than 10 for Thanksgiving I make it more of a directed potluck. At the very least (if you're as much of a control freak as I am about my Thanksgiving meal) pawn off dessert, rolls and the vegetable(s). It's still more work on you but at least you won't need an extra days worth of baking or running around to pick up baked goods.

amanda31H

LOL!! How did I miss that they invited their dogs??!!!

I would have laughed right out loud if that was suggested.  NO WAY would I let other pets in my home.

It's dinner.  Their dogs will be fine at home while they're gone.

TheBachelorette

I am so glad that I am not the only person that thinks this is ridiculous.  I spoke with my father today and his solution to this problem was move Thanksgiving to his house where there is more room and a second oven.  He has no problem with 6 dogs and kids running around his house.  He is so desparate to see a "blending of families" that he is totally blind to everything else.

I am at the point where I told him that he can have Thanksgiving with them.  I am having a NORMAL Thanksgiving in my own home.  My sister is coming to me.  He can do what he wants.  I am just not participating in all this craziness!

amanda31H

TheBachelorette:

I am so glad that I am not the only person that thinks this is ridiculous.  I spoke with my father today and his solution to this problem was move Thanksgiving to his house where there is more room and a second oven.  He has no problem with 6 dogs and kids running around his house.  He is so desparate to see a "blending of families" that he is totally blind to everything else.

I am at the point where I told him that he can have Thanksgiving with them.  I am having a NORMAL Thanksgiving in my own home.  My sister is coming to me.  He can do what he wants.  I am just not participating in all this craziness!

Good for you!!!!

TheBachelorette

amanda31H:

TheBachelorette:

I am so glad that I am not the only person that thinks this is ridiculous.  I spoke with my father today and his solution to this problem was move Thanksgiving to his house where there is more room and a second oven.  He has no problem with 6 dogs and kids running around his house.  He is so desparate to see a "blending of families" that he is totally blind to everything else.

I am at the point where I told him that he can have Thanksgiving with them.  I am having a NORMAL Thanksgiving in my own home.  My sister is coming to me.  He can do what he wants.  I am just not participating in all this craziness!

Good for you!!!!

Thanks! 

floridakat

It's just a meal! If he's willing to host, why not attend? We hosted 25 people in our home last year with 11-week-old twins. We made it a potluck, roasted a big ol' turkey, and had an absolute blast. 

We're doing it again this year after having just moved into a new home in the middle of October.

To me Thanksgiving is about being with friends and family, enjoying good food, wine, and fun. Of course we have some disfunctional participants (doesn't everybody?), but we just accept them for who they are and have fun in spite of ourselves. We went from a small family dinner to a huge gathering of friends by inviting everyone we knew who didn't have someplace else to celebrate. Now it's our favorite holiday of the year!

TheBachelorette

floridakat:

It's just a meal! If he's willing to host, why not attend? We hosted 25 people in our home last year with 11-week-old twins. We made it a potluck, roasted a big ol' turkey, and had an absolute blast. 

We're doing it again this year after having just moved into a new home in the middle of October.

To me Thanksgiving is about being with friends and family, enjoying good food, wine, and fun. Of course we have some disfunctional participants (doesn't everybody?), but we just accept them for who they are and have fun in spite of ourselves. We went from a small family dinner to a huge gathering of friends by inviting everyone we knew who didn't have someplace else to celebrate. Now it's our favorite holiday of the year!

He is not going to "host" anything but his house.  He still expects me to do all the cooking.  My Dad does not cook.

floridakat

TheBachelorette:

floridakat:

It's just a meal! If he's willing to host, why not attend? We hosted 25 people in our home last year with 11-week-old twins. We made it a potluck, roasted a big ol' turkey, and had an absolute blast. 

We're doing it again this year after having just moved into a new home in the middle of October.

To me Thanksgiving is about being with friends and family, enjoying good food, wine, and fun. Of course we have some disfunctional participants (doesn't everybody?), but we just accept them for who they are and have fun in spite of ourselves. We went from a small family dinner to a huge gathering of friends by inviting everyone we knew who didn't have someplace else to celebrate. Now it's our favorite holiday of the year!

He is not going to "host" anything but his house.  He still expects me to do all the cooking.  My Dad does not cook.

Why not roast the turkey and let everyone else bring everything else, potluck style? The bird's the easy part. Does his girlfriend cook? It would be fair for her to share the cooking duties, since she's providing half the guest list. If you and she get along, it might even be fun. 

KellyD01

If you're still expected to cook everything then no, I'd say do it your way. IMO it's even worse to cook a big meal in a kitchen that's not yours, even if you know it. DH and I have been together nearly 1/2 our lives at this point, I've cooked in MIL's kitchen for at least 12 years of that time, I know it inside and out and I'm still not as comfortable cooking a meal on my own in her kitchen as I am in my own.