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Baby Names
Friend feels like I'm stealing her name
I know, I know, no one can "claim" a name, but here we go...
First of all, I've had favorites taken, and that's fine, but I'd never use them if there are kids with that name in our friend group. Simple as that, they just get a little ruined for me. Kayla was my favorite for like 10 years, and a friend named her daughter that, so back to the drawing board. No great loss. My husband loves Scarlet, and my best friend is dead set on naming her (not yet conceived) daughter Scarlet, and she's been telling me that for years, so I can't just take it! I'm okay with that.
Yesterday, I was talking to a friend (my husband's friend's wife), who is NOT pregnant, and she said "Have you thought of names? We already know what we're naming ours. A boy will be Hudson, after my grandfather..." Of course. One of the four boy names that it took FOREVER for my husband and I to agree on. What are the odds? I told her that, and she said, "Well, you can't use it now." And I said, "Honey, yes I can..." I'm the one whose pregnant, I don't even know if it's a boy, but I still feel guilty. I wish she hadn't told me! She says she will still name her son Hudson even if we do, which really bothers me. So tell me, will she really? (Our kids will be together a lot) And is that something that I'll just have to live with if we decide to name our son Hudson??!
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Re: Friend feels like I'm stealing her name
Of course she can (and possibly will) use the name. She has just as much a right to it as you do.
If it bothers you that she might use the name, don't use it. Otherwise, get over the fact that just as everyone else doesn't own a name, neither do you.
Worst case scenario, you both have LOs named Hudson. You won't be the first, you won't be the last. I wouldn't worry about it. At the end of the day, as long as it isn't immediate family, I don't consider any name "taken."
I know how you feel though. 3 years ago (before DH and I were even married- but we had been together 5 years at the time...) his mom asked me what we would name our children one day (we were engaged). I said, "If we have a boy, it will be Davis. The middle name will be after DH." I should have known that his pregnant cousin would have been listening in from a distance, and guess what? They named their LO Davis with the middle name after her husband. DH and MIL both asked them not to do that, since they got the name from us (they didn't even have a name picked out until they overheard me!) but they did it anyway. B**ch.
If DD had been a boy, we would have named him Davis anyway. We aren't close with them, and we shouldn't have to feel badly for a name that we had said we wanted first. If anyone should feel weird, it should be them. Plus, we would only see them 2 or 3 times a year, so I don't see it as a problem.
Rant over. Use the name if you like!
Yeah, that's pretty terrible of them to take your idea rather than try and find something on their own. I'd be really angry too! In this case, we both separately liked Hudson with no influence from each other, so it's a little different. I've always been a name nerd, but I've always known that if someone is pregnant and has a child before me and takes a name I like, that name is off limits. I guess I feel that way about this situation. It's wierd to me that she'd still use the name if we did, and she's not even pregnant. Oh, well, I guess they'll look like the A holes if they name their child the same name as ours a year later. I'm just frustrated and hormonal, ha! Thanks so much for relating and writing, rather than tell me I'm ridiculous! Your post gave me some relief after the above three.
Yeah, using names that honor family is important to us. That doesn't mean I think we own any family names (although there are some, like DD's name which is my mom's maiden name, that are so unusual that I think it would be weird if anyone else used them), just that I wouldn't *not* name my kid XYZ family name that was meaningful to me if someone else I knew wanted to use the same name, or used it first. So I don't think it's fair for her to tell you not to use it, but at the same time, you have no right to expect her not to use it, especially if it honors someone important to her.
Also, we're definitely having a boy and we're 23 days out from my c/s, and we haven't decided on a name. I would be thrilled if we could agree on four names.
I doesn't sound like you know that no one can claim a name. It sounds like you think only pregnant women can claim names.
You get to name your baby whatever you want. She can't stop you. When and if she has her son, she can also name it whatever she wants. You're not the special snowflake that's immune to the cardinal rules of baby names.
I feel like, even though I am pregnant and will actually be naming a child in a few months, whereas she is not...I am the jerk for picking a name for the reason that I love it, rather than the fact that it honors my grandfather. I felt guilty when she told me that, so maybe I should just go with that feeling. I just thought the feedback would be more in my favor since the situation is a reality for me and not for her. That's where I needed some validation, but I can see I'm not gonna get that.
This is good. I am learning that I'd rather be oblivious to others' opinions in naming my child (in terms of friends), so I should probably avoid the topic with them in the future.
Yeah, I guess you're right. In some ways I do feel like I'm the special snowflake. So very special. Before I was pregnant, there were favorites of mine that were taken by friends and I figured I couldn't use them because those women actually had children and I didn't. I guess that's my version of the cardinal rules of baby names, but I hear ya that not everyone feels that way.
Well, she might want to use the name because it honors her grandfather AND because she loves it. I wouldn't use a family name I didn't actually like.
Neither of you is a jerk for picking a name. Both of you are kind of being jerks for expecting the other not to use the name. I mean, I don't think there's any issue with you using the name, but if it would bother you if she then used it too, I think that's kind of ridiculous.
Well, I agree with you on a lot of fronts, but not that I'm being ridiculous about it bothering me if she used the same name as me. I think many, many women would be bothered if a friend used the same name for their son that they chose, regardless of the reasons. I am not alone there, I can tell you.
BUT, I do see that if it bothers me, I should most definitely be considering other names, because you're all right, I cannot control whether or not she will. Nor should I be able to.
It's fine that you made the choice not to use names once someone else did. But she absolutely has every right to use that name even if you use it.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Instead of looking at it as kind of a contest, could you guys act like it would be a good thing? You guys are obviously close enough that the kids would see each other a lot, so maybe it would be fun!
Now that I think about it, one of my close girl friends and myself both like the name Bennett. We discovered this two weeks ago while riding in the car together, and we said it would be funny if we both ended up with sons named the same thing! You guys could even say stuff like, "My Hudson, or your Hudson?" Ha!
I wouldn't say anything else about it until you know the gender. You might be having a girl! If you find out that you're having a boy, I would address it casually like, "Wouldn't it be so fun if we both had sons with the same name?!"
Edited: read quotes incorrectly. Thought you said "Honey, yes I can...I'm the one whose pregnant"....did not realize that they "I'm the one whose pregnant" line was separate from the other. You may ignore my comment below, although the bolded portion remains true.
B*tchy move. You never know what people are going through. Maybe she has been trying to get pregnant for a long time. That statement is ridiculously dumb .You never know people's situations. Honestly, your first line up there is also bulls*it. Because you obviously think that you CAN claim a name. Saying this first line doesn't make it any less true.
Honestly, to me, this whole post makes you sound like a douche.
Started fertility treatments 11/2010
Ovarian dysfunction, LPD, male factor
6 failed medicated IUI's
Pregnant 5/2011 - Miscarriage at 6 weeks due to triploidy
Decided to adopt - 6/2012
SURPRISE! Pregnant without intervention - 7/2012
Sweet Baby James Born 3/2013
Decided to be "One and Done"
....OR NOT.
Pregnant 12/2018 despite birth control pills
Here we go again...
Due 8/26/19!
What right do you think you have to weigh in on what another friend names their baby? Seriously, think about it. Its not your baby, you dont get a vote and neither does she. Is it the end of the world if there are two Hudsons in your social group? No, its not and no one needs to be petty and act like someone copied the other etc. You both like the name and feel its right for your child, so be adults and accept that no one owns a name. If you name your son Hudson, be prepared that she will name her son Hudson and you better be happy for her otherwise you will look like the childish a-hole. Treat others the way you would want to be treated.
If it genuinely bothers you then pick another name, but be assured that whatever name you pick, that you could likely at some point in your life, end up with a friend whose child has the same name.
This. And it makes you sound 12. I can't believe you actually said "I guess they'll look like the A holes when they name their child the same as us."
Eh, Hudson is a trendy name. There will probably be a half dozen of them in your son's class (if you actually have a son). You may have a girl and it won't matter.
I named my daughter Grace after my great-grandmother. My friend named her daughter Grace as well. Who cares!? We just love each other's daughter's names.
I think what I don't understand about any post along these lines is that unless you go really off the wall, NO name is going to be completely unique. It may not be this friend, but chances are pretty damn good that you're child is going to run across someone else in their life who has the same name.
Why are people so fricking hung up on "no one I know can use the same name I do!!"? Really, I'd like to know.
And I live what I speak.
1- we picked an Irish name that I happened to have never heard of before (Declan). Since picking it, we started running into quite a few Declan's. I think it's great! I love it when I meet other kids w/ the same name as my DS.
2- my maiden name is a relatively common boys name. I've always said that when and if we had a child, I wanted to come how incorporate it. Years ago, a friend told me that her DH had wanted to name their child an extended name of my maiden name and use the NN that IS my maiden name. She told him they couldn't because it was "my" name. (It was just an excuse for her- she didn't want to use that name!)
But if they had, I wouldn't have cared. And it was LITERALLY MY name.
But in the end, they are all "just names". You're kid is going to be unique because of who they are. Not because of what their name is.
I really, really just don't get this issue.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I don't see what the big deal is here. 1) You don't know your baby's sex yet, so you have a 50% chance of not needing a boy's name. 2) Your friend isn't pregnant and even if she were to concieve tonight, she only has a 50% chance of having a boy, so she might not need it either. 3) By the time your friend does get pregnant and if she finds out it's a boy, she might decide on another name for the baby.
I say wait until you know the sex, then chose a name. Don't get into a debate with your friend over something that might never happen.
Eeeeehhhhh I can see why you're toying with it. Only because there are few girl names I like, one of which being Charlotte. Well a college friend of mine named her daughter recently Sharlotte. But she lives states away. However Facebook keeps all of us connected so I get squeamish about maybe her feeling like I stole her name.
But reading these people's comments, they're pretty much right. Every family can name their child what they want. And unless she's a really really really good friend, chances are you may not even be friends with this family is 10 years. Someone wil move away and the two Hudsons will no longer be an issue. So do what you want for your family and your children.
If it is a name she has always loved, you have to come to terms that there is a good chance that the two have the same name. As others have said, find out the gender before you make it into a big deal.
Although you cannot claim a name, you might ask yourself if it is worth the friendship. Some women can get crazy about stuff like that!
I had a similar issue when DH and I could only agree on the name Audrey for DD. My (non pregnant) friend has always wanted to name a daughter that. We ended up using Ruby, but I planned to tell her that we were using it, and theres a possiblity that she would never have a girl!
I don't understand what the big deal is. If you like the name, then use. If she likes the name, then she's going to use it if and when she has a baby. You can't claim names, nor can she.
She is not going to look like an a-hole for using the name after you. They have reasons for choosing it and are not just copying off of you.
Bottom line is name YOUR child what YOU want. Others are going to name THEIR child what THEY want. If it's the same, then oh well.
FTR: Hudson is extremely trendy, and I won't use it.
*BFP 10/15/11*CP 10/18/11*
*BFP 2/1/12*EDD 10/14/12*natural M/C 2/24/12 7w*
*BFP 5/2/12*E born 01/03/13 (her due date)
Dido.
It blows my mind that I read responses like this on here. Was my post hostle? No. Am I angry at this couple for liking the same name as us? No. I'm just bummed out that this has become a factor...I just wish I hadn't talked to her about it. Is she the one on here asking for support? Pretty sure it's ME looking for some help, not her. So no need to make me feel like a giant jackass for having a concern that I thought I could get some validation on. Jesus Christ.
Some people don't "get" the issue of feeling like your favorite name is "taken" by someone in their social circle. That's fine. I don't "get" why some people on the bump have to be so vicious toward people with innocent concerns.
I just don't get why this is an issue for you. If you don't like that there is a chance that she could name her child the same name as you, then you need to choose a new name. She has a valid reason, it is her grandfather's name, you can't expect her not to use it just because you like it as well. Besides, you said it was one of 4 names that you and YH agreed on, so choose one of the other 3. But, again, that won't mean that someone else in your friend group won't use one of those names someday as well.
My BFF and I both named our daughter's Elizabeth. Mine is 3 years older than hers. She knew my DD's name when she named hers - obviously - but we had fallen out of touch at that point. We got back in touch a few years later. Our girls are close friends as well. We vacation together. The girls end up being called The Elizabeth's (while both of their sets of friends call them Liz, we do not, we each call our girls by their formal name). Sometimes we call them by their first and middle name and sometimes first and last. In fact, sometimes when we want to get both of their attention it is easier to just yell one name. It has never been an issue. Ever.
I just think there are so many other things in life to worry about. A name is the least of which. Do I hope that other people who are close to me don't choose the names I like - yes. But, it's really not that big of a deal.
The name isnt taken in your social circle. Read the posts when you have calmed down and maybe then you'll have a different perspective.
I wouldn't take Hudson off the table yet.
Lots of things can happen between now and when she has children who may or may not be boys. Do you know that her H also likes Hudson? If you decide to use Hudson, she may still use it, or she could use it in the middle name spot to honor her grandfather instead.
My first son is Theodore, a name I loved for years, but had no family significance for me. My BFF decided to give her 3rd DS the middle name Theodore because it is her deceased FIL's name. Doesn't bother me at all. Maybe our case is a little different because it wasn't their first choice of name for their 1st or 2nd son. She asked me about her using my deceased father's name and I told her I wasn't ready to use it so she was welcome to it, odds were that if I was ever ready to use it I would be using a nn she wouldn't use.
It might be a nice bond between the boys?
Sorry you didn't get the hand-holding you wanted here. Do you really think you didn't sound angry at this couple, and you were just voicing "innocent concerns" when you said they were going to look like A holes? Again, you sound like a child throwing a temper tantrum.
I am sorry you feel that way. I don't think all of the responses were negative. What I think made people give you those responses had a lot to do with you calling them a-holes for naming their child the same name after you had already used the name. Their reasons for liking /using Hudson run deeper than just liking the name.
I understand what it is like to have friends/family use names. But, I wasn't pregnant at the time, so I just let it roll off my back and picked new favorites. That's the beauty of the situation-there's tons of really great names out there!
I think if having the same name is going to bother you that much, be the bigger person and select something else especially if you know that your friend is going to use the name no matter what.
*BFP 10/15/11*CP 10/18/11*
*BFP 2/1/12*EDD 10/14/12*natural M/C 2/24/12 7w*
*BFP 5/2/12*E born 01/03/13 (her due date)
1) Screw her
2) Wait until you figure out the gender to get set on a name.
3) She can't claim a name, especially if she's not pregnant.
4) I would start to evaluate all the reasons why you hang out with such a little shlt like that woman.
5) Stop telling people your name choices.
DD 10/31/09 - BFP 3/22/11 M/C confirmed 4/9/11 at 8w4d - BFP 10/5/11 EDD 06/16/11
*Vote on our Baby names*