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Single Parents
Dad wants full custody... Is this possible?
I posted this elsewhere and realized you ladies might have more information to provide me (please see the end of this post)
So I had my first U/S yesterday and the baby is 8 weeks along with a
strong heartbeat of 170 bpm! 
It was so reassuring! I cried when they
pointed out its forming brain and when I saw the beating of its little
heart. They even showed us the little forming arm stumps and legs.
The baby's daddy was with me and supportive throughout the appointment even though the night before he had called me up to say that I couldn't have this baby and that it wasn't happening. After the appointment he once again became so hostile towards me to the point where the things he said made me leave him to go outside. Between the nausea and crying I began to have trouble breathing. I don't remember much except the trouble breathing... 1 hour later I was in the emergency room and woke up to find out that the nausea and sob brought about my first ever panic attack. I've never suffered from them before.
He was again supportive and reassuring throughout the process, even refusing an xray due to the pregnancy. A few hours later, I was discharged and he once again changed to hostile. He's extremely angry that I found out about the other two women in his life besides me and that I went to them to discover his lies. Rather than taking responsibility for the pain he's caused everyone he now blames me and tells me that I've caused all of this. I am no longer with him given this information (I love myself enough to know I deserve better than this man) but I was hoping we could amicably work through the pregnancy.
Last night he was adamant
about me going to planned parenthood today to "get this over with" and
this morning (I did not feel safe being with him alone & I'm no
longer with him so I left his place after he became furious) he waited
for me at my apartment claiming he was sorry and wanted to make sure I
was ok. Thankfully I was not there to see him. Then he messaged me
telling me I was not keeping it and that he wanted an abortion...that
there was no option. I told him I couldn't do that and live with myself.
He then threatened me and said if i kept it he would raise it alone and
to not message him further. The situation has gotten horrendous. I have
never had such a person in my life who creates so much harm. I'm
surrounded by great people, wonderful friends and an adoring family.
Part of me wonders what I did to deserve such a horrible person! Sadly,
he'll be in my life forever but its only the beginning and its been
quite a rollercoaster.
Can some of you ladies give me information on what I should expect? We are both professionals in the same field. I do well for myself... However, he does make almost triple what I make. That is perhaps the only thing he has against me. I know I could never provide the child what he could financially. Of course he does have the anxiety attack against me that happened after the horrible things he's said (during which I was 8 weeks pregnant and sick). Otherwise I've only been hospitalized for surgery. He has no friends (and those few --maybe 3--- aren't sure who he is after they discovered all of the things he's done), and he personally tried to excuse his actions by stating childhood trauma and that it has led him to not let anyone get close to him. This man can NEVER raise a child on his own and is emotionally unstable. I would fight tooth and nail to prevent this. I gave him the option to do this all amicably (why make it dirty and ugly?). I may not be incredibly wealthy but I do have three college degrees, one wonderful job, great friends and an adoring and supportive family. Can he really take the child away from me?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Dad wants full custody... Is this possible?
Thank you for your post. I do want to make a correction: I'm farrr from wealthy! I probably make what an average american makes minus the loans I'm paying off from my last degree (I decided to change careers and now I love doing what I do). The father however is the one with more money than I and I'm assuming he can obtain a great lawyer while i won't be able to. Can he truly obtain full custody?
Yes, you have a very good chance! Mothers usually (Not saying ALL the time) get custody, unless there is a reason for them not to.
Whaat?! Your the one who is going to carry LO for 9 months! I feel for you though, I've been told to get an abortion many times, but as you can see in my ticker, I would never do so.
And just a NBR, are you French? Sorry this is totally off-topic but I saw your SN and I've been learning French for a couple of months I wanted to ask!
1. Keep everything and document all the texts and things he says to you. Especially the ones hes sending you about getting an abortion.
2. Leave him. You said your family is supportive. Can you move in with your parents for your pregnancy? You can save money and they can help you get ready for the baby.
3. He cant use a panic attack against you to obtain custody.
4. Do not talk to him unless it directly relates to the pregnancy. Dont talk about custody/child support ect without talking to a lawyer first. Educate yourself on the process, so when he does threaten ect you will know the difference.
Good luck, but honestly, it doesnt sound like he has anything against you to get custody. If you are working, making a living and not an alcoholic or drug addict he doesnt really have a chance. A judge wont give him custody because he makes more money..
of course its always an option that he COULD get full custody, but unless you're a crack head or heroin junkie and take good care of your kid, you'll probably both have shared and joint custody.
if he is abusive and unstable, YOU could have full custody if it is not in the best interest of the child to be around someone totally crazycakes. which he sounds like he is.
SO, that being said, find a good lawyer through legal aid society in your locality and consult regarding custody/child support after child is born.
dude you need to RUN. not walk. RUN away from this guy.
if you want to keep the baby you should absolutely do that without fear that he is going to kidnap your child.
whatever you do-(totally your own choice, not his, by the way), you need this psychopath out of your life permanently. like forever permanently.
Always Sunny's back b-tches!
My state heavily leans towards the mother. SD knows that if I take him to court, the court system will suck him dry for child support. I want him to stay away from my daughter, so I am using that to my advantage. Long story.
Like another lady said, it is very unlikely that he could ever have full custody of your child. Keep all texts, emails, etc., from him.
Get a restraining order asap! If you can handle it, do it. You need to stay as calm as possible right now, and his BS is unacceptable.
Also, watch what you say to him verbally or written. You don't want to give him anything to use against you. Avoid him.
This - exactly. Keep all the texts, especially those in which he demands an abortion and get a lawyer. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Thank you ladies! I feel a little more relieved. I think you all as mothers know what its like to carry a child and the thought of having to go through this alone (and its been hell so far) only to have him take my child away really hurts. Besides, although he has more wealth than I can provide my child I do have a loving home. He is lonely and is only used to having women waltzing in and out of his home. That is something I will not allow for my child.
I will try to back up all of the text messages I have from him and give them to my family for safekeeping. I just hope that he will leave me alone and stop making my life hell. I don't think its necessary. I never hurt him otherwise I'd understand the treatment back....