Anger, hitting and kicking

BartsGirl

Ok ladies,I hope some of you have some wisdom for me.  My son has started getting super angry about the smallest things and has started hitting and kicking. He gets so mad and I know he can't use his words well enough. He gets upset and if he doesn't like something, and to show us how mad he is he has started hitting and kicking. I feel like it is partly control and partly anger.

He says: "I'm going to hit and kick you if you don't..." I need some ideas od how to deal with this. Time out isn't the solution. He just sits and gets more and more upset to the point where then he can't calm down. He then says, I need you to hold me.

We moved in with my parents in August and he was very defiant for about a month. He moved away from that a little and it has started again over the past few weeks. I have been trying to talk to him more about what he is feeling, or why he is angry, but it doens't seem to be working so far.

Thoughts are appriciated.

schnappycat

My DS does this too (he also bites), and it's been escalating to such a degree that I'm looking into therapy just to try to figure out what's going on in his head and how we can help. He's become very violent to DD, which is unacceptable. And he is excellent at speaking and communicating so that isn't his issue.

So obviously I'm no help to you, but you aren't alone. 

KathrynMD

what else is going on around him - i.e. how are the adults around him behaving?  can you identify any triggers for his actions? 

BartsGirl

KathrynMD:

what else is going on around him - i.e. how are the adults around him behaving?  can you identify any triggers for his actions? 

 

Triggers are basically anything that doesn't go his way.  Basically, I believe it is the only way he can show us how displeased he is with his lack of control/indepencence.  I think he feels a lack of control bc we moved in August and I think he is still bothered by it.  I also think he isn't a fan of being told what to do...shocker for a 3.5 year old right ?

BartsGirl

schnappycat:

My DS does this too (he also bites), and it's been escalating to such a degree that I'm looking into therapy just to try to figure out what's going on in his head and how we can help. He's become very violent to DD, which is unacceptable. And he is excellent at speaking and communicating so that isn't his issue.

So obviously I'm no help to you, but you aren't alone. 

 

Thanks for the commiseration.  I really do think that it is a phase that he is painfully experiencing right now.  My best friend's son was very similar last year at the same age.  This too shall pass...right?

treble_clef

Is he in preschool?  How is he when you are not around?  Do you and your husband or anyone else fight (argue) in front of him?  My friend's son was doing it for quite a while when she was considering divorcing her husband.  She took him to stay with her parents a couple of months at a time.  The thing was that her parents weren't getting along great either, so I think they put a lot of stress on her son too.  He is getting better since he started his gymnastics and basketball classes.  He loves trampolines and playing with a ball.  Is your son getting enough physical activities?  My son doesn't have anger issues, but when he goes to his swimming class, he is noticeably in good mood.  

In my unprofessional opinion, I guess it doesn't have to be sports.  Something he loves doing and makes him feel good.  I know it's not a quick fix, but kids do need to release their stress too.  They say keep teenagers busy to keep them out of trouble, but I think it's true with toddlers too to some degree.