- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Parenting
s/o of negative/dramatic kid post
Jack (4.5) is SOOO dramatic/negative and I feel like we walk on eggshells around him sometimes. Ethan (3) is so much more easygoing, and I am struggling with how to deal with it (ie. how much do I concede is "just his personality" vs. "he'll grow out of it" vs. what do I discipline and try to manage). Like sometimes we will hear Jack wake up from a nap and Ethan is playing with a particular toy that we know Jack will pitch a FIT over, we'll just direct Ethan towards something else real quick to avoid the drama. Or because Ethan often doesn't care/mind about going first on something (anything, like climbing in the car, taking a shower, whatever) it seems like Jack just always gets his way. Or if when they both get in the car after preschool and Ethan has gotten a "treasure box" toy for good behavior (read: silly band, whistle, etc), Jack goes APE that he doesn't have one, but he's in a different class that doesn't DO treasure box (funny, he had that teacher last year actually!). I mean really, he's almost 5 years old, it drives me batty.
How do I teach/guide him towards letting stuff go, being more easygoing, showing more kindness towards others? I mean Ethan will just give Jack stuff because he knows how bad he wants it, but Jack would never do the same. Not to say Jack has a heart of stone, but it's like he doesn't know how to overcome his impulsivity, and intense desire to be first/best/right. Some of it comes from what seems to be huge insecurity as well, he's very bashful when first seeing anyone, and always wants to be doing what his friends are doing even if it's wrong, and doesn't want to do anything differently (ie. if it's 50 degrees out and his friend is wearing shorts, he will pitch a fit to wear shorts too). I have told him no, and it ruins his whole day...friend has to go home, and he lays around in the floor crying and distracting my baby I'm trying to feed. UGH.
How do you manage this temperament/behavior? I think I need to make time to read The Strong-willed Child.
Jack 3.5.07 / Ethan 9.17.08 / Lauren 4.3.11
This discussion has been closed.
Re: s/o of negative/dramatic kid post
I don't have any good advice, unfortunately, but you just described my two children to a T. My DD (also 4.5) is just SUPER emotional. I also feel like I am constantly trying to cheer her up/joke her into a good mood, and it gets REALLY old. My little one is 2.5 and just so much sweeter and, for lack of a better word, happier. Honestly, it really, really bums me out. I just want her to be a happy kid and it makes me so sad to see her so angry so often. I don't understand why she complains so much and everything is such.a.big.deal all the time.
DD is also quite shy, and a lot of the issues we have stem from her insecurity. Like, today, she stayed at preschool for lunch. But her BFF didn't. She is SO into this friendship. When I picked her up, she immediately started making this awful face and yelling at me how I was a terrible mom because I had her stay for lunch and her friend didn't. Seriously? Ugh. It's embarrassing, and, if I'm honest, pretty hurtful. We're "lucky" in that she is lovely at school, to teachers, other adults, her friends, etc, but she is so strong willed and negative at home/with me in particular that I am frustrated with her a lot of the time.
I know for us, it gets worse when I get in a rut and my fuse gets short. It's like a vicious cycle. I've been trying to just say, "I understand that you are mad/sad/frustrated/whatever. I've heard your point. I'm all done listening to complaining now. If you need to keep talking/being negative, you can do that somewhere else." And then I just walk away. I feel like we (DH and I) spend so much time giving her attention for the negative behavior that it is maybe reinforcing it, so I'm trying to just acknowledge it and then ignore it. At least I'm not yelling all the time anymore, even if I'm not doing anything great, right?
Anyway, I feel you. It's such a bummer!
We definitely do things to make life easier -- and that includes conceding/placating the kids at different times. However I don't always allow this to happen. Cam gives in A LOT when it comes to Joey. She has a heart of gold and just does not like others to be upset, especially her brother. So there are times that she will just do the whole "Fine Joey. Here!" I let her - probably 70% of the time. But if I feel it's a big injustice on her part, I don't allow it (so tell her no, and tell him no!).
On the flip side, Cam tends to be overly dramatic so when it's one of her issues, she freaks out and I sometimes make Joey give in (b/c I don't want to hear her). But like with him, there are times where she just has to suck it up.
So, yea, no rhyme or reason. It's one big crapshoot in our house, apparently! LOL
It works though. We all get what we want/need at the end of the day and as long as any one of is isn't feeling disrespected/devalued, I'm fine with how we roll.