Stay at home vs. working?

JWiety030411

Just curious to hear some thoughts about being a stay at home mom versus working. I have a job that I moderately like, and me working gives us some cushion, where if it was just my husband we would probably have to be a bit more budget concerned.  I just started my job a few months ago, and I hate to quit already (aka, when the baby is here), but I always wanted to stay home with kids when I had them.  I don't have anything against babysitters, caregivers, daycares, etc...I just know how much I appreciated having my mom at home when I was younger, and I just would like to give my child the same experience.  Any thoughts?

airvine85

I am going through the same thing but the biggest concern I had was the cost of a baby sitter. It would be cheaper for me to stay home especially at a young age! My thoughts were to work part time so there is always a parent at home with them. Good luck with your decision. Its hard but you gotta do whats right for you, your family and baby!

PrimReaper

I work from home which gives me the ability to see the girls a bit more than if I worked outside of the home, but right now DH and I aren't in a position for me to quit altogether.  I think after mat leave with this next baby, I'll go down to fairly part-time hours around DH's schedule so that I can stay home with the kids at least until they start school.

mel101

Well right now I work, but not by choice. I would love to be a SAHM. I was when my youngest was born in 2002. It was soooooo nice, but things happen and we divorced. Been working since 2005 but when this one is born,  I will be a SAHM again, DH wants it that way too (I remarried a great guy this year) and I couldn't be happier. Yes there will be sacrifices but I and willing and will reap the benefits getting to see his or her smile and not miss a thing.

khill86

For my entire life, I had never even entertained the idea of being a SAHM. It was something I was certain I did not want to do. I worked hard to get the career I have and I was not willing to not work. My work has a very well respected daycare and I am comfortable with the idea of having our baby there once I go back to work. I had even considered only taking 6-9 months off and letting DH take the other 3-6.

All of that being said, last week, I had a fleeting idea that I could just become a SAHM. Now I think I might take the full year to myself and I'll decide about going back to work at all when the time comes.

 People always said that motherhood changes you and I would change my mind once I had my own. I swore up and down that they were totally wrong about me. But now, I think they might be more right that I had initially thought.

Mrs D~S

I struggle every day.. I LOVE working, but I do want to be home with my daughter.  It brings a true balance to my life. Sometimes if I am home for a week straight with DD I struggle to find activities to keep her and learning.  She does so well at school and has learned so much at her daycare, I wouldnt trade it for the world. 

 I thought I would hate working after having a child, and I almost feel guilty for feeling the opposite.  Working allows us to travel and see family, purchase things we would otherwise not have, and again I dont mind it.  

 Do I hate being away SO much - yes.  I wish I could find something part time that paid as well as I do now. 

Mrs.KLF

I'm a SAHM.  When I was pregnant the first time, I planned to return to work part time (4 hours a day, 5 days a week) but I ended up quitting after a month and have been a SAHM ever since.  I love it - nothing could make me happier.  We did have to make some budget cuts, but it has been so worth it.  I know plenty of moms that work and have found a great home/work balance, but personally, I can't imagine that I'd ever be truly happy working.

monef

I don't think I could be a stya at home mother. In my culture, it isn't really done or accepted. I do have an extremely flexible job with really great benefits though, so it is easier for me than some to make that decision I guess.

mel101

khill86:

 People always said that motherhood changes you and I would change my mind once I had my own. I swore up and down that they were totally wrong about me. But now, I think they might be more right that I had initially thought.

 

I learned how true this is when I had my first. A baby changes things and broadens our thinking

mel101

Mrs.KLF:

I'm a SAHM.  When I was pregnant the first time, I planned to return to work part time (4 hours a day, 5 days a week) but I ended up quitting after a month and have been a SAHM ever since.  I love it - nothing could make me happier.  We did have to make some budget cuts, but it has been so worth it.  I know plenty of moms that work and have found a great home/work balance, but personally, I can't imagine that I'd ever be truly happy working.

 

This is exactly how my SAHM friends feel. 100% worth it!:)

star678

I had the decision made for me when I was laid off at 8 months pregnant.  However, I couldn't be happier.  It is maddening at times, trying to figure out what to do each day and having all of DD's developmental enrichment in my hands, but I love it.  Now that I'm pregnant with #2, I couldn't imagine doing it all (and major props to the ladies who do!) through the morning sickness, etc.  I'm currently in grad school and plan to return to work with my MA once my youngest (probably #3) is in first grade.  Do what's in your heart... you can always go back to work. 

HRTB16

After having my first I went back to work three consecutive days a week and was lucky enough to continue that after having my second.  I absolutely love it.  It is great to have three days a week where I get up, shower, put on makeup and go talk to adults for 8 hours!  Now I am pregnant with my third and economically it just doesn' t make sense to keep working.  I'm 99.9% sure that I will be a SAHM in the upcoming months. 

JG362009

I have absolutely ZERO desire to stay at home.  I would go completely crazy if I had to, and I love my son more than anything.  I really admire people that do though -- I really think it's the toughest job in the world. 

JG362009

Mrs. D~S:

I struggle every day.. I LOVE working, but I do want to be home with my daughter.  It brings a true balance to my life. Sometimes if I am home for a week straight with DD I struggle to find activities to keep her and learning.  She does so well at school and has learned so much at her daycare, I wouldnt trade it for the world. 

 I thought I would hate working after having a child, and I almost feel guilty for feeling the opposite.  Working allows us to travel and see family, purchase things we would otherwise not have, and again I dont mind it.  

 Do I hate being away SO much - yes.  I wish I could find something part time that paid as well as I do now. 

Pretty much exactly how I feel. 

Mrs D~S

JG362009:

Mrs. D~S:

I struggle every day.. I LOVE working, but I do want to be home with my daughter.  It brings a true balance to my life. Sometimes if I am home for a week straight with DD I struggle to find activities to keep her and learning.  She does so well at school and has learned so much at her daycare, I wouldnt trade it for the world. 

 I thought I would hate working after having a child, and I almost feel guilty for feeling the opposite.  Working allows us to travel and see family, purchase things we would otherwise not have, and again I dont mind it.  

 Do I hate being away SO much - yes.  I wish I could find something part time that paid as well as I do now. 

Pretty much exactly how I feel. 

Funny I was going to quote what you just wrote and write.... well put.  Makes me feel better knowing someone feels the exact same way

mamaloves

I work two days per week, which I am very grateful for, but in a perfect world I'd stay home full-time. I worked hard for my career, too, and love the work that I do -- but motherhood is the most fullfilling experience I've ever had and I know I will never reget any time I spend with my children. The financial "sacrifices" do not feel like sacrifices to me. Do what feels right for you, you'll be happy.

LadyTyler

I work very part time [only 6 hours a week] and while I would love to work more, I've struggled to find a job since finishing school.  Husband and I do want me to only work part-time however, so full-time is not something I am looking at.

Child care around here is expensive enough that I would have very little pay to take home after paying for daycare, particularly for the under 18 month set.  So the current plan is to stick with what I am doing and hope the economy improves enough I can find a better paying part time job in a couple years.  That will be particularly helpful once the LO starts school and I won't be having to pay for daycare at all!

OUKatie

I always thought I'd stay home. My DH has a very well-paying job and we do not need my salary. We save quite a bit, travel a lot, etc.. without the help of my teachers salary. Recently, though, some new opportunities have come open for me and, if it works out, I won't be staying home.

I have taught Kindergarten and 5th grade and, honestly, kids with parents that are involved, level-headed, and care do well. I've had awesome kids with working parents and awesome kids with SAHMs. I've had some TERRIBLE students with working parents and TERRIBLE students with SAHMs. It is the quality of your time, your interactions with your child, and the examples you set for your child that matters the most. I'm comfortable with either decision. If I do stay home, it will be purely for selfish reasons.

mamaloves

OUKatie:

I always thought I'd stay home. My DH has a very well-paying job and we do not need my salary. We save quite a bit, travel a lot, etc.. without the help of my teachers salary. Recently, though, some new opportunities have come open for me and, if it works out, I won't be staying home.

I have taught Kindergarten and 5th grade and, honestly, kids with parents that are involved, level-headed, and care do well. I've had awesome kids with working parents and awesome kids with SAHMs. I've had some TERRIBLE students with working parents and TERRIBLE students with SAHMs. It is the quality of your time, your interactions with your child, and the examples you set for your child that matters the most. I'm comfortable with either decision. If I do stay home, it will be purely for selfish reasons.

 what would be selfish about staying home?

apollonia10

I plan on staying at home. DH and I both had SAHMs and we've known for a long time that we would arrange our lives to accommodate me staying at home with our children. DH is also planning on taking a few months of leave when our baby is born.

temporalrobe

I'm not cut out to be a SAHM, I am a person driven and defined by work. I like making money.

You have to think about not only the income you'll lose now, but the income you will lose as a little old lady in retirement. Less SS check, less pension (if you have one), less 401k.

Also have to think about health insurance benefits that you will have to pay to be on h's policy.

IMO its nice to have at least a toe in the working pond, for when/if you want to return.

noycela

I would LOVE to stay at home, but I make good money (more than my husband), and it just wouldn't make sense financially for me to quit my job. Working from home 2 days a week might be an option for me, so I'm really hoping that works out.  The thought be being away from my baby 40+ hours per week freaks me out!  My mom was always home with me and my siblings, but my husband's mom always worked, so we have different views on the subject. 

mytwomiracles15

I guess I am lucky in that I have a choice.  I don't have to work.  My DH makes good money and while we would definitely have to make some adjustments, we can do it and be comfortable on one salary.

With that said, I have never really entertained the thought of staying home.  I like the extra salary that I bring home.  We are not big spenders but we have been able to travel and do things we would not be able to do otherwise.  I like having the "peace of mind" that with my salary included we don't have to worry and count every penny.  We save alot and save maximum retirement amount for both of us.  I don't think I want to sacrifice that. I agree with PP, you also have to worry about how you are going to save for retirement and what will you have in the future?  Also, I do not want my identity to be defined by motherhood or my kids.  I want something that's "mine" as well.  I don't "love" my job and it is a struggle some days to go to work and I know it will only be harder once baby comes but I think I will like being a contributor to our family and not have all the burden and pressure on DH.

I am not trying to knock those that are SAHM. That is a tough job and I know it can be very fulfilling.  I just don't feel like it is me.

mylittlesunshine

LovelyLadyLlumps:

With that said, I have never really entertained the thought of staying home.  I like the extra salary that I bring home.  We are not big spenders but we have been able to travel and do things we would not be able to do otherwise.  I like having the "peace of mind" that with my salary included we don't have to worry and count every penny.  We save alot and save maximum retirement amount for both of us.  I don't think I want to sacrifice that. I agree with PP, you also have to worry about how you are going to save for retirement and what will you have in the future?  Also, I do not want my identity to be defined by motherhood or my kids.  I want something that's "mine" as well.  I don't "love" my job and it is a struggle some days to go to work and I know it will only be harder once baby comes but I think I will like being a contributor to our family and not have all the burden and pressure on DH.

I think you hit it on the head with this. To me, clipping coupons and watching what you spend all the time doesn't sound like a lot of fun. I want to be able to provide for my family. I consider myself a full-time mom even though I work outside the home for 40 hours a week. We plan on taking our children on nice trips (hopefully to Europe) someday and it wouldn't be possible if I didn't contribute. I also want a nice cushion for when we retire. The other thing...and while it might not always be the case, but I like the fact that it is possible that by the time my SAH friends children get to school and they decide to work it might be very difficult to find a job.

Things like "I want to SAH just to be there not to miss a moment or to enrich my child's life" can really strike a chord with me. I'll tell you what, I haven't missed a beat with DD and am perfectly able to enrich her life. She is learning way more at DC by being around other children rather then with just me in an empty house all day. She is learning that OTHER adults besides me and DH can love her and she can trust them. To me it is what you do with your time with your children.

marcia1108

When I was pregnant with our first, I 100000% planned on going back to work. I even had arrangements with my mother and MIL for them to watch my son so we wouldnt have to pay for day care. As soon as I had my son, everything changed... I didnt want to miss a thing with him and couldnt stand the thought of leaving him with anyone else, even family. Yes, we had to make some budget cuts, but it is 1 billion times worth it to be home with my boy. Now that we have another one due in June, I am more than ever sure that I made the right decision. There are so many firsts that I would have missed... his first smile, first time crawling, first word... among a ton of others. In my opinion, if you can make it work financially then stay home with your baby!!! You can always go back to work later when he/she is a little older if you feel like you are missing working.. but I dont think you will miss it! (this is just my opinion)

Corey-chick

I suggest putting every penny of your paycheck into savings and start living off of DH's paycheck. See how tight things get and factor in the added cost of a baby. That will help you and your husband better decide what's right for you. I worked until half way through my first pregnancy and have been a SAHM ever since. I love it and can't imagine having anybody else take care of my kids all day, but that's me. We are also fortunate that my DH makes a great salary so, finances didn't really figure into our decision. Good Luck!

mrs.gee

LovelyLadyLlumps:

I guess I am lucky in that I have a choice.  I don't have to work.  My DH makes good money and while we would definitely have to make some adjustments, we can do it and be comfortable on one salary.

With that said, I have never really entertained the thought of staying home.  I like the extra salary that I bring home.  We are not big spenders but we have been able to travel and do things we would not be able to do otherwise.  I like having the "peace of mind" that with my salary included we don't have to worry and count every penny.  We save alot and save maximum retirement amount for both of us.  I don't think I want to sacrifice that. I agree with PP, you also have to worry about how you are going to save for retirement and what will you have in the future?  Also, I do not want my identity to be defined by motherhood or my kids.  I want something that's "mine" as well.  I don't "love" my job and it is a struggle some days to go to work and I know it will only be harder once baby comes but I think I will like being a contributor to our family and not have all the burden and pressure on DH.

I am not trying to knock those that are SAHM. That is a tough job and I know it can be very fulfilling.  I just don't feel like it is me.

I totally agree. My only difference is I actually love my job. I like contributing to the family financially and I take pride in my education and my career. I'm admittedly also lucky to have a job that values family and doesn't give me grief if I am a bit late because I dropped off my son at school or went to some school event. I have also worked PT and find working FT to be easier, but that also depends on your industry.

I think being at work FT makes me a better mom. I come home and am totally focused on my kid. I'm sure this might be an unpopular thing to say, but I feel like my friends who SAH are bored and kind of disconnected from the rest of the world - they can't talk to me about current events or the economy and they don't seem to have many interests beyond their kids' nap schedules. They are constantly looking for ways to fill the day whereas I feel like on days I'm home I am just happy to soak up my son and not bothered by the monotony of caring for a child day in and day out. I totally appreciate that for some people this is the best thing they can think of doing with their time, but it is unfortunately not the case for me, so I'm so happy I have the opportunity to work.

Hkaye

I work but want to stay at home so bad! My DD goes to an in home daycare with 5 other kids and this lady used to watch my husband when he was little, so I love that and feel comfortable with it. But my mom stayed at home with us and I loved having her around and want to do the same for my kids. We are waiting for my Husbands raise right now and then I am really thinking about getting a part-time job after this baby comes so that I will be able to spend more time with them. They are only young once and I dont want to miss everything.

OUKatie

mamaloves:

OUKatie:

I always thought I'd stay home. My DH has a very well-paying job and we do not need my salary. We save quite a bit, travel a lot, etc.. without the help of my teachers salary. Recently, though, some new opportunities have come open for me and, if it works out, I won't be staying home.

I have taught Kindergarten and 5th grade and, honestly, kids with parents that are involved, level-headed, and care do well. I've had awesome kids with working parents and awesome kids with SAHMs. I've had some TERRIBLE students with working parents and TERRIBLE students with SAHMs. It is the quality of your time, your interactions with your child, and the examples you set for your child that matters the most. I'm comfortable with either decision. If I do stay home, it will be purely for selfish reasons.

 what would be selfish about staying home?

?

My reasons for staying home would be selfish reasons. I would stay home because I want to, not because I really think it's better for my kid.

kfriscia

I never in a million years thought I'd be a SAHM. When I was pregnant with my oldest we toured daycares and arranged with my boss to work from home 2 days a week. After he was born it was completely different. I couldn't imagine leaving him for a second. I did go back to work for a few months and I cried on my way in everyday. DH didn't make a ton of $ but he was on bored with making the cuts to our budget to make it work. After ds#2 was born there was no question that I would continue to stay home. Daycare for 2 kids would have been a majority of my salary. Staying home is the HARDEST job I have ever had and do miss work sometimes but I wouldnt trade this time being home with my boys when they are little for anything.

lil_jen051708

Both our mom's stayed home when we were kids and I appreciate what she (and we as a family) gave up for her to do that.  However, when she got divorced in her early 40's she had never had a real career.  She's currently working at a factory (well paying) but that's not what she really wanted to do.

I have absolutely no desire to be a SAHM.  For one, I'm the breadwinner in the family and we wouldn't be able to maintain our lifestyle without my income.  We'd have to sell our house and move and possibly sell a vehicle and cut back. I have no desire to search grocery ads for the best bargain and clip coupons to make ends meet. 

Just like SAHM's couldn't imagine "someone else raising their kids" *eye roll* I can't imagine not working.  I enjoy working, I enjoy my adult interaction and honestly I can't imagine staying home with my child all day long.  DH works  long hours and I would literally go crazy.  I have a great career opportunity presenting itself so there's no way I'd quit now! If there was an absolute need for one of us to be home, DH would stay home during the day and I could do a modified work day 7-3 and then he could work 3-11.  It wouldn't give us much time together but if that's what needed to be done for the baby, we'd do it.

canthardlywait426

I wasn't planning on being a sahm until I got laid off at 14 weeks pregnant. Now that I'm a sahm I couldn't imagine not being one. But keep in mind it is hard work. It's not just hanging out with your LO all day. It's schedules and play and leaning and socialization. It's a full time job! Whether you decide to sah or work, or you don't have the option either way, being a mom is hard work. There is equal but different pros and cons for both. You just have to decide which category You fall into.

hoping4sticky

I went back PT, 24 hours a week, 2 days in the office and one day working from home. It has been a very nice balance. T gets to learn different things at daycare from what I would teach her, I still get a good amount of time with her, and the extra income is nice. I would make sure that you do a cost benefit factoring in daycare, commuting, drycleaning etc. to make sure that it is financially worth it.

mrs+harlow

I can't imagine staying at home. I worked too hard for my business and my career . I love it and can't imagine letting it all go. I also just can't imagine not contributing financially to my family. The extra money allows us to keep our lifestyle and save from the beginning for our childrens' college funds. I believe I can't have it all and don't have to give up a bug part of me to be a good Mom.

Natalie&Mark

Been working from home since July, and what I do is who I am.  I love it, and I couldn't give it up if I wanted to.  I just need to figure out a solution for meetings in town 3x/week or so.  Then as business grows, if I need my own retail location...playpen in the back room...or daycare? We'll see!

Best wishes in finding a solution that brings you joy and balance.

HotChocolate79

I guess I am the opposite from you because I did NOT appreciate my mother being home.  We were dead broke and lived in run down apartments and even now, at almost 33, I think it was incredibly selfish of her not to work given the financial state we were in. 

So I always knew that unless we won the lottery, I'd work because for the benefit of our family, both DH and I want give our baby a certain lifestyle that's impossible on one salary.  As such, I never really considered SAH.  I am sure I'll miss the LO a ton and it will be hard, but this is the only way for our family.  

firstbabylees

I want to stay at home... but my husband is in school so we can't live off the $5,000/yr they are paying him in school I will have to work at least until graduation (baby will be a year old at that point). 

 

After that, I hope to either work part time from home or not at all  

soapymk

when my DD was born I was a single mom and working was a must, I had the help of my family at 2 months to take care of her while I worked 5-6 hours an evening as a witress, but once she was in preschool it was much easier, when she was almost 4 I met an amazing man who fell in love with her and me and we were married a year later, it took 3 more years to concieve, but we had my youngest daughter when my oldest was 7, and I havent worked for 3 years, since my family is no longer at arms length and I am paranoid about babysitters and daycares, I told my husband I wanted to be here with them, and we do struggle and I wish I could make a substantial amount of money from home, but in the mean time, I love being here, it does get a little frustrating having an almost 3 year old 24/7 and then an almost 10 year old after school, but I wouldnt want to worry all day if they were with a stranger

Taylor11

Mrs. D~S:

I struggle every day.. I LOVE working, but I do want to be home with my daughter.  It brings a true balance to my life. Sometimes if I am home for a week straight with DD I struggle to find activities to keep her and learning.  She does so well at school and has learned so much at her daycare, I wouldnt trade it for the world. 

 I thought I would hate working after having a child, and I almost feel guilty for feeling the opposite.  Working allows us to travel and see family, purchase things we would otherwise not have, and again I dont mind it.  

 Do I hate being away SO much - yes.  I wish I could find something part time that paid as well as I do now. 

 

This exactly.  Times are SO different now, and very few women stay home for many reasons.  I love my job, have a somewhat flexible schedule, and enjoy setting an example for my DD that she can someday too do it all!  Chances are, she will have no choice but to work when she's a woman with children with the way the world and economy are going, so I'm not going to set a June Cleaver expectation for her.  I know my husband also finds it sexy and has alot of respect for me working, looking great and dressed up in the morning, interacting with other professionals, bringing in a very good income, etc.  Not only that, but my only 2 friends who SAH suffer from severe depression, marriages have tanked since they quit working and have to live paycheck to paycheck, and just overall seem to be unhappy in life.  I am not making a sweeping generalization by ANY means, as there are of course many very happy and wonderful SAH moms out there.  Just none I am close friends with, which scares me. 

In my industry, just 1 yr out of work would be career suicide...  Then what do I do when my kids are in grade school and I have nothing to do with my days?  I guess get an entry level position and start from the ground up?  No thank you. 

Sure, if I was a billionaire and could have full time help, heck yeah I would SAH.  But that isn't reality