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QueSrah
member
Need morning routine suggestions (again)
QueSrah
member
Mornings during the week are full-on tantrum fests, and I need suggestions for how to make them tolerable. Crying starts as soon as I want to get DD up for a diaper change, increases whenever DH enters the room, and ratchets up to a whole new level when we dare to try to put pants or socks on her. I get her up at 7 and need to leave the house between 7:15-7:20 if I am to get to work on time.
I've tried slowly adding light to wake Tessa up more gently (on days when she's not up at 7). I've tried giving her time in her crib to wake up and getting her out pretty soon after waking up. I've tried offering to let her pick clothes (among 2 or 3 options) - she says no to everything. I've offered Cheerios and milk (separately) before even trying to change her diaper, thinking it's because she's hungry. I've tried time outs for kicking me during the diaper change and for freaking out over not getting a food option that's not reasonable - all that gets me is later for work and a still angry child. I've tried getting her dressed in her bedroom and the kitchen (to delay the inevitable and give her more time to wake up).
DD is in bed most nights between 6:30 and 6:50. She's not sleeping well and is up once or twice most nights for 5-30 minutes (last night was gas, but sometimes it's reflux or being too hot or needing to be recovered with her blanket). I assume it's interrelated somehow, but can't pinpoint one particular issue to fix.
What am I missing?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Need morning routine suggestions (again)
So clearly my LO is no where near that age so these are just ideas and I have no idea if a 2yo would really understand them...
What if you tried not getting her dressed/changing her diaper, etc. and for a day or two let her go to daycare that way? it sounds terrible, I know, but would she realize that it's not fun to be in a wet diaper, it's cold without pants/socks, etc. and then maybe be more willing to do the morning routine at home?
Or can she go to daycare in her PJ's and get dressed, etc. there? maybe she'd see the other kids in their regular clothes while she's still in PJs and realize she needs to get dressed too?
Can you try getting dressed together - so you put on your pants, socks, etc. at the same time as she does? I've heard the "monkey see-monkey do" works well for some kids.
Maybe you can ask your DCP if she ever gives her the same kind of behavior and how DCP handles it (if something works well there)? Or maybe DCP can try to get her to nap a little longer somehow?
oh, and maybe the time change this weekend will help because it will feel like 7 when it's really 6?
good luck! i'm sure those days will be here for us before we know it!
Allowing DD to go to daycare in her pajamas has solved a lot of tantrum issues in our house. I just put the clothes in her bag.
Also, I give two choices for breakfast. I think somehow this makes her feel like she is in charge.
Things are far from perfect. Last week, we had such a meltdown with screaming and crying over the fact she spilled oatmeal on her pajamas and she did not want to get dressed that I literally picked her up and carried her out of the house with only a pair of jeans on. I had to get to work and she was not cooperating at all. I got some funny looks in traffic as she screamed her head off about not having a shirt on. I think she was shocked by the whole episode and cooperated getting dressed in the car before we went into daycare.
Is she at the age where she wants to do everything herself? We are, it sucks. But I will be grateful she can dress herself quickly one day - for now, it takes for-ev-er. Back to you, if she is, can you sort of help her as she does it or encourage her to do it herself. My DD really likes the empowerment dressing herself brings. Warning though, this will add an extra ten minutes to the routine.
Is your DD motivated by special things like my DD? So when my DD gets dressed without dawdling, I let her choose some of her fancy bows to wear in her hair. Or I let her spray on a little of my perfume. Or, since she now has a memory like a steel trap, I promise her we can do manicures or something special in the evening. Conversely if it's a contentious morning, I threaten to take away privileges, like picking a snack out of the snack basket at preschool for the way home.
You know, your DD sounds a bit like my DH. He just isn't a morning person. I think PP suggestion of having her get dressed at daycare is a good one. It might help her mentally ease into her day more. What is she like on weekends in the morning? Is it better? Can some of what makes it better translate to weekdays?
Oh, I'm so sorry. I know how rough 2 year olds can be. Some of my mornings are like this as well. Here are some of my thoughts:
1. 15-20 minutes seems like a bit of a time crunch to wake up a 2-year old, get them dressed and get breakfast. Do you think if you were able to have more time that it may help? I know that when I'm pressed by the clock that I'm more impatient and that generally, things go down hill faster. So, in our house, we generally allow about 45 minutes to do all of that stuff (however, I know that may not be an option since waking her up earlier seems to be part of the issue).
2. Can you have your DCP give her breakfast so that's one less thing to do?
3. I read 1-2-3 Magic and we started doing time outs for temper tantrums and not listening. For a while, she didn't get the counting and she would always escalate to 3 and get a time out. But, more recently, she knows that when I start counting, she needs to shape up and it's worked. It sounds like since you are in a time crunch, you don't have time for time-outs. However, in the long run, it may help send the message that the behavior is not acceptable if you do more time outs for this behavior.
4. Is there anything you can bribe, I mean "motivate" her with? Like I'll say, "Do you want to hold your lovey while we put your clothes on?" or, "we have to go downstairs because we have muffins for breakfast. Do you want a muffin?" (which is her favorite). "It's time to get in the car. Do you want to sing 'You are my sunshine'?" I try to figure out what would make the next transition "fun" for her and try to incorporate that.
Good luck with it. I know it's a struggle and that we are all just trying to figure out what will work best.
For us it is the age. We went through it with Maggie and I tried all the things you have tried - earlier/later wakeup/bedtime, changing up the routine, give food, don't give food etc. Nothing worked with Maggie and Molly is now the same way. I just keep our routine the same. I get Molly out of her crib and get her dressed immediately - she fights me terribly, especially on pants, but it actually isn't quite as bad as Maggie was at the same age. For us it is just better to get all the parts she hates over with as quickly as possible. It is miserable for all of us but once we get to giving her the sippy with milk and her cup of snacks for the car she is all better. Don't get me wrong, it sucks and I hate that I have to fight her on this but she needs a diaper change so she might as well get real pants on instead of the PJ's. If there was something that worked like going to DCP in PJ's I would do it in a heartbeat but she needs a diaper change and I need to go to work so morning frustration all around until she gets past this stage.
Nothing really distracts her from not wanting to get dressed and all answers are NO from her but once we get to going out the door (I get her ready last, everything else is ready to go before I go in her room) if she is still upset then I can distract her with a snack or her fave song in the car. She gets to pick the CD music in the morning (Maggie gets afternoons).
Thanks for all of the suggestions so far. I need to sit down and read them over a few times more. I'm sure there are a few great strategies to test out, and hopefully at least one makes our mornings less stressful.
Some easy follow-ups: I've always been of the camp that diaper change is mandatory, because DD still isn't worried about sitting in a wet diaper and I don't want the carseat to get all gross from an overnight leak. I'll have to check in with our DCP before trying to send her in PJs - DD gets to daycare at the same time as 3 other kids and they immediately sit down to breakfast, so I don't know if changing clothes right then is an option. She has no interest in dressing herself still, so it's not an issue of us being impatient with doing that at her slow speed. We give her food at home to get her through until daycare breakfast - not a full meal. I let her pick the color of cup for Cheerios or milk, and sometimes even after making her selection she refuses the snack. I'm quite close to giving in to "fish" - her goldfish grahams - for breakfast snack even though we usually save those for a later in the day treat. (Though 2 or 3 doesn't cut it - she wants "lotsa fish" or it doesn't count.) She would eat those 24 hours a day if she could.
On the weekends she's fine. Fussy for diaper change, but then we go directly to making breakfast and don't try to get her dressed for at least an hour or two. She also gets up when she wants on the weekend rather than on my schedule (which can be anywhere from 6:45-7:30, after babbling to herself for a while).
Timeouts are helping, but I don't think she's awake enough in the morning to care. (Plus, this morning I heard DH say "do you want 3? do you want a time out?" so many times that I'm sure the threat was meaningless.)
LOL. I had to laugh at this. My DH sometimes does this too.
Okay, so based on everything you said, if I were in your shoes, my strategy would be to let her have some of the "fish" in the mornings. DD really likes eating snacks out of these Snack Traps. I mix some of what she likes (for my DD it's goldfish) with some other things like cheerios and raisins to make it a bit healthier. Since they are reaching in and can't necessarily see what they are getting out, sometimes they don't care. I would try going into her room each morning with the Snack Trap in hand and say that as soon as you change her diaper and get her dressed that she can have some. Or, since it's a Snack Trap and won't spill easily, maybe just let her hold it while you change her diaper and get her dressed. I'm not sure if that will work but it may be worth a shot. It sounds like she's just going through a bit of a stage and that at this point, you have to do what you have to do to get through it.