Devastated...

meg_koole

We were supposed to have our final interview today prior to our homestudy on this coming monday.  Well, when we got there the social worker ambushed us.  Basically between my husband's Taylor Johnson test and his interview they will not approve us to move forward at this time.  They said he didn't "open up" enough for them and we need to wait a few months and try again.

So upset over this whole situation.  Frustrated that they waited until we got there to tell us about it (when the interview had occurred 3 weeks ago).  Disappointed that they wouldn't even consider letting him to continue and do another interview.  I don't understand what they think will change in 2 months.  

I thought we were done with delays and disappointment when we left stopped IF treatments.  Guess I was wrong.

cogbot

I'm so sorry  

militarywife2b

I am so sorry Meg (((Hugs))). Is there any way you can ask you SW what their concerns are maybe your husband can address them.

firecracker8

That is the test that our agency had us take. Our agency told us how many maybe answers we could have.... It seems weird that they are holding you off.... 

 

jenn985

I am so sorry... We actually had a similar experience. The first agency we applied to had us complete all of our paperwork, fill out an applications, get fingerprinted and cleared thru background checks, THEN did our interview. My hubby is also very private- our meeting went great with the social worker, but he still had some unanswered questions/concerns. They then brought in the executive director who took great offense that he was asking any clarification. They called us the next day and told us that they would not be signing us on at this time because they were concerned that my husband was "too private", didn't want to "share any info", and was so questioning that they thought he would over-question a birthmother. 

I was also devistated! But, we took that time to sit down and re-group. We discussed the fact that although this can be a horribly invasive (and seemingly unfair) process, the end result was worth the process. Also, we realized that we in fact had a right to question our agency as thoroughly as we felt we needed to since we would be paying them a large sum of money to be responsible for bridging the process of our child coming to us. Because of this, we realized this was a blessing in disguise and started researching other agencies.

The next agency we found was fabulous! As soon as we went to their two day class we knew we had found our home. Our caseworker Jess is a godsend- she is so patient and kind with my Type A personality, and calm and sincere enough to bring my husband out of his shell. Towards the end of our interview process, he would even look forward to our meetings with her and told him information and stories that I had not even heard after being together for 15 years! We actually ended up really enjoying the process, learned a lot about each other, and were brought much closer together in the end. Instead of focusing "solely on him" like the last agency they focused on each of our strenghts and weaknesses and how well they go together.

Adoption seems to be a major roller coaster ride- hopefully this is your first and last hurdle. Take some time to do some reasearch and see who else is out there. You just might find your perfect match too!

Sorry to be so lengthy but I just realy was drawn to your post ans thought maybe my story could help you in some way. If you have any other questions please let me know and know you can always post on here for support.

 

~Jenn 

meg_koole

Jenn - Thank you so much, it is nice to hear someone having a similar experience.  I wish we had the liberty of going to another agency easily, but unfortunately the way the law is in ND we have to go through a ND agency no matter what.  I am going to do some research today on using an out of state agency.  If we go with out of state, we still have to use the in state for the home study, but I think the out of state deals with everything else.  No 100% sure though....

I am still really hurting today. This experience has even made us consider doing IVF which we swore we would never ever do.....

I just don't know what to do.

Art Teacher

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through this. 

CaptainSerious

I'm so sorry that you have hit this wall.

Do all ND agencies use this test?  Have you paid your agency a great deal of money yet?

Reading your story and the other posters raises red flags for me, as if this is something the agencies do to generate income and work when they know they aren't going to accept you as clients, for whatever reason.  I would seek another agency that doesn't use this type of screening, and move forward.

My adoption paths have been very bumpy and excruciating at times, but I'd never change it for a moment.  M has captured our hearts and we are desperate to create a similar bond with J.  The rewards of adoption are unbelievable, even if the road to getting there is ridiculously and unnecessarily difficult.  Hang in there, and you won't be disappointed.

koda927

Just wanted to say how sorry I am that you've hit a bump in the road.

jennykg1477

I am so sorry!  It seems weird that they would have such vague reasons for not accepting you.  I hope that this is just a bump in the road that will lead you to the perfect situation for you and your future child.

Ginger71

(((hugs))) I have no advice because I'm not at the point where I even know what you are talking about. I just want to tell you I'm here for ya! I hope things look up sweetie.