Divorce final on Friday

Annplus1

And I found out about his girlfriend last Thursday. Sigh. My heart was always convinced that he would snap out of this and go back to "normal". My brain has always known (since Ex left) this would go through and I would be doing this alone.

I am wondering, how did you get through this? Being pregnant is hard, my emotions are all over the board. Sometimes the anger holds me, sometimes I am totally depressed. I prefer the anger. My mom is coming up (lives in another state) to hold my hand through it, and then spend the weekend with me.

When did you start to not care about your Ex? That's what I want, more than anything, to just not care. I don't want to wonder anymore what he is doing. I know, both in my heart and in my head that I wouldn't take him back anymore anyway, so why does this suck so much?

PrettyInPearls23

((hugs)) What you're going through is completely normal -- having your head and your heart in two different places is common when dealing with the end of a marriage.

 

I would suggest taking the energy you're spending on thinking about your STBXH and his new GF and focusing that on yourself and your unborn LO. For me, I suddenly stopped caring what my XH was doing or who he was with. Lucky for me, it was pretty early in the separation -- even before I filed for divorce. I just realized that he's not a good person to have in my life and there was no sense wasting my thoughts or energy on worrying about him. He was going to make his own bad decisions and lucky for me, I no longer had to be a part of that.

Sean+Lyss

I am not a single parent and I don't know the details. But I come from a single parent home. Looking back I am glad that my dad was not involved in my life. He didn't want to be and if my mom had made him then he would have been a terrible influence on me. He still doesn't know how to take care of himself and probably never will. 

I can't imagine what you are going through right now, but I wish you and your LO the best. ~Hugz~ 

cemacmil

I am glad you have your mom's support.

And I understand where you are coming from. Yes the anger is easier, but sometimes you get to the point where you don't even want to waste your energy being angry at your XH anymore. I am dealing with visitation/caring issues with my XH currently - and even though my anger/frustration may be for my DD....I still want to not even react.

Annplus1

Thank you guys for your support. I have a therapy appointment on Wednesday, and a spa appointment on Thursday. I am trying to be mentally okay for this, so I can get through it and be as healthy as possible.

It's the little triggers that make me crazy. The idea of him playing house with my child with his girlfriend. You know, stuff that might never happen and I am worried because my brain has been going to the worst possible place lately, every time. I am not normally like this, I am normally a person who accepts life's changes and realizes that no decision is life ending, just life changing. I think the pregnancy and the loss of the dream is what is getting me so worked up, not the actual loss of the man. Or boy, depending on what you'd call him. I know I have to take this slowly, and adapt to changes as they come, not assume the worst and make sure I keep my baby foremost in my mind. Which I am doing, 90% of the time.

I am going to take a giant deep breath and get through this as best as I know how. I am going to take the advice I got here of letting the strong version of me protect the weak version. That really helped.

 Thank you again. I am glad I have somewhere to go where people understand what I am feeling.