good thoughts please (long)
MrsNJSwimmer
member
I guess I'm asking for some good thoughts. I lost a good friend (he was in his cruiser driving on a highway when someone crossed the median coming the other way and hit him head on, causing him to roll down an embankment and be trapped in his car) on 10/16 and went to the funeral. He was a cop, so it was full of tradition and ritual. However, he wasn't someone I saw everyday anymore, or even talked to much on FB. So I guess I'm having trouble believing it's real.
It's weird when people who haven't known me all my life ask me how I knew him. There isn't a simple answer. He was one of my first boyfriends, someone who helped make me who I am - had a real impact on the person I became. He taught me how to play football and how to wrestle - he was a surrogate big brother to my younger brothers. He was a protector - always the big guy who gave the best hugs. He was there to help me to the nurse's office when I was a mess after a breakup with another guy; I still have the pre-engagement ring he gave me back in 9th grade (first piece of jewelry a boy bought me). He would eat the turkey soup (that no one else would touch) my mom made after Thanksgiving dinners - I would call him and tell him when it was ready and he'd come over and eat it all. 
He challenged me to a swim race, and when I beat him, he joined the swim team so he could get better. After I moved away for college, he would still stop by to see my family. They all loved him.
About 5 months ago, I went to a retirement party for one of my college professors. Expecting to have a jolly time (I had seen him a year earlier), I was shocked when he told me his cancer had spread and they couldn't do anything else for him. I felt like I was at a memorial service, but he was there. I had to really pull myself together b/c his grandkids were there and I didn't know how much they knew - although they must have known how different he looked. When I got home, I was glad I never got around to buying him a "happy retirement" card - instead, I went out and got him a "thank you" card, which I still haven't filled out.
I found out that he passed away on Friday. He was a great mentor to me - a teacher who showed me how to be tough but fair. A guy who kept me from transferring to another school because I knew how good the program was there and he was chair of the dept. When I became president of the math club, I worked with him on meetings and events, and I worked with his wife on throwing parties. When he was in the hospital, I was the student who visited him. I've known him more than half my life and it's just so weird to know he's not there anymore. At least he's free from pain (he had prostate cancer and when that was in remission, they found the beginnings of lung cancer by accident on a scan - but it was in the very early stages and they thought he had a good chance to beat it). The funeral is Saturday and is being held at the college. I know that's going to be a big funeral too.
Work here just hasn't been good for a long time, and this isn't helping (tryin gto keep myself together). I do have an interview on Thurs, so I'm hoping that situation might turn around, but it'll also be my 3rd or 4th since I started looking with no luck. It's stressful for me because I'm the only one in my house working outside the home, so I have to keep working and at a comparable level.
Anyway, I guess I'm just asking for some good thoughts if you can spare them. I could really use them right now.
Re: good thoughts please (long)
Awww, I'm so sorry
I sort of know how you are feeling right now. About 4 years ago I lost my best friend that I have known since 8th grade unexpectedly and in a horrible fashion. About 4 or 5 years after high school we lost touch because we kind of got into a little argument (totally petty and stupid and he was just looking out for my best interest at the time). Then MySpace came along and we were able to get back in touch and rekindle our old friendship. Not even 6 months later he passed.
I was so devestated and I still feel like a there is a whole in my heart. It's gotten easier, but I was never really able to morn properly. When I met my now husband, my friend and I weren't talking so he never understood the friendship we had because I never talked about him until I heard he passed. Because of that I haven't been able to morn, but only on the inside. It's been hard.
Luckily I have a good support system of old friends that I can talk to about it so it's helped me get through it. He was my best guy friend (dated for maybe a couple days because we realized how good of friends we really were), he gave the best bear hugs, looked out for my safety and best interest and my family adored him. To this day, I still talk to and visit his family (they actually flew to Maui for our wedding) so that has helped get through it too.
Sending you hugs and healing thoughts because I know how hard this can be!
| Olowalu, Maui ~ August 6, 2008 |
| Family of 4 ~ April 2, 2011 |
| Family of 5 - October 24, 2012 |
life in oz
this exactly. it is so hard to cope with lost loved ones some times. you are definitely in my thoughts & lots of good vibes your way! keep us posted on the interview!
Sending lots of positivity and strength your way.