I don't want to do it

beth0874 · October 2011

I am so scared, I don't want to test. This is the last chance for us and I don't want to know whether it worked. I like going on with my days with hope in my heart and I am so afraid of how a BFN will crush me.

The past cycles, I usually had spotting or full blown AF (except for my FET) and I kept testing and getting negatives so it gave me time to prepare for the bad news. This time I have been refusing to test because I don't want to give up on this hope.

I am 11dp3dt today. Beta is on Wednesday. I am going to see Les Miserables with my mother on Wednesday and I hate to be crying the whole time.

There is no real point of the post I just needed to vent to someone who understands.

Kathy4678 · October 2011

(((hugs)))

Sending you lots and lots of good thoughts Beth! I am hoping the best for you!!

hootie123 · October 2011

Beth! I was thinking about how you were doing and wondering when your beta is. I know exactly how you feel - I tested last IVF every day for a week before my negative beta and I spent every morning that week in my car crying on my way to work. It is so hard - but I agree with you - it is better to not test and to still hold onto hope that it worked. I have my cousins wedding the day of my beta this time - so if it doesn't work she's going to think I'm really sad she is getting married.

Anyway - I hope more than anything this is it for you - and good luck on Wednesday - and hopefully you get to enjoy Les Mis!!

LaurenAndBrian · October 2011

I don't know what to say, only that I understand.

beth0874 · October 2011

hootie123:
Beth! I was thinking about how you were doing and wondering when your beta is. I know exactly how you feel - I tested last IVF every day for a week before my negative beta and I spent every morning that week in my car crying on my way to work. It is so hard - but I agree with you - it is better to not test and to still hold onto hope that it worked. I have my cousins wedding the day of my beta this time - so if it doesn't work she's going to think I'm really sad she is getting married.

Anyway - I hope more than anything this is it for you - and good luck on Wednesday - and hopefully you get to enjoy Les Mis!!

Thanks hon! Why does IF have to interfere with everything! I hope you will be able to have a wonderful time at the wedding

MsGMChick · October 2011

Just wanted to say goodluck!!!!

Mrs.McIrish · October 2011

You were totally on my mind this morning as I was just doing the math to see when your beta was!! Even though I'm "only" on IVF#2, I totally get the "not wanting to know". I don't either because it is really is over. All I can say is I'm rooting for you and I HOPE you have a positive. Thinking of you and looking forward to some good news for a change! Hugs.

mandalinn25 · October 2011

My fingers are crossed for you sweets. Hugs!!!

katib77 · October 2011

I can only imagine the fear this cycle of seen only one line. I agree, waiting until the beta and holding onto that hope is good. Glad to hear you have not started spotting. Hope it's a sign that after all this time, and what you've put your body through - that it's finally your turn.

softbalangel · October 2011

Sending you lots and lots of good thoughts!

((hugs))

Mitzi Bishi · October 2011

I can imagine this is so daunting for you, Beth. I truly hate that you have to go through this, yet again.

Are you planning to hold out until Wednesday? Is there a way you can delay the results until you get back from Les Mis? (Mine come through on the computer).

Hoping this works for you and I will be thinking of you and looking for your updates.

beth0874 · October 2011

Mrs.McIrish:
You were totally on my mind this morning as I was just doing the math to see when your beta was!! Even though I'm "only" on IVF#2, I totally get the "not wanting to know". I don't either because it is really is over. All I can say is I'm rooting for you and I HOPE you have a positive. Thinking of you and looking forward to some good news for a change! Hugs.

Thanks hon. Is your test the 7th?

beth0874 · October 2011

Mitzi Bishi:
I can imagine this is so daunting for you, Beth. I truly hate that you have to go through this, yet again.
Are you planning to hold out until Wednesday? Is there a way you can delay the results until you get back from Les Mis? (Mine come through on the computer).
Hoping this works for you and I will be thinking of you and looking for your updates.

I'm trying to decide. I may test tomorrow since the results should be quite accurate and then I can cry my eyes out Tuesday if it is bad and then be able to compose myself for Wednesday. I'm not sure if I can delay the results.

brookelynpaisley · October 2011

((hugs)) I would be scared, too. I hope that if/when you decide to test, it's nothing but happiness over the result

beth0874 · October 2011

Thank you all for your support. It means so much.

mdiblasi10 · October 2011

I am thinking of you. I hope this is it! ((hugs))

STL34 · October 2011

Fingers crossed!

I completely understand. My last cycle I had no desire to test. But, I was going to get beta results while at work on Tuesday (15 dpo). So, I tested the evening before because I was so tired of leaving work crying and if it was negative, I was going to call in. I'm glad I didn't test any earlier since it would have probably been negative (I found out at 15 dpo that my beta drawn at 11 dpo was negative at 3).

Thinking of you, hon! Praying you get to share good news with your mom on Wednesday (or if you aren't sharing that early, that you at least are very happy).

Mrs.McIrish · October 2011

beth0874:

Mrs.McIrish:
You were totally on my mind this morning as I was just doing the math to see when your beta was!! Even though I'm "only" on IVF#2, I totally get the "not wanting to know". I don't either because it is really is over. All I can say is I'm rooting for you and I HOPE you have a positive. Thinking of you and looking forward to some good news for a change! Hugs.

Thanks hon. Is your test the 7th?

It's the 8th.