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Two Under 2
I'm sad that I am not enjoying this..
I'm reading all of these other posts about how much people are enjoying 2u2 and it makes me so sad that for the past 5 weeks, I've just been miserable. My 2 are 15 mos apart and the older one is extremely needy, even more so now because for the last week and a half she has had hand foot mouth disease. I feel like there isnt enough of me to go around. I cry everytime DH leaves for work and then I watch the clock for when he comes home. I want to be able to enjoy my kids, especially since I think this is our last one. I just can not find a system to make things smooth. When does it start getting better?
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Re: I'm sad that I am not enjoying this..
For us it was full on survival mode until the baby started STTN.
It's still early in the game for you. Heck... your hormones probably haven't even regulated yet so you're throwing that into the mix as well!
Some milestones to look forward to:
1. Coordinated nap times. This lit a whole new light at the end of the tunnel because I could nap or just have some much needed "me" time.
2. Baby STTN. HUGE HUGE HUGE for us. When I'm sleep deprived everything seems more challenging and I didn't have much patience. Toddler + no patience = misery for everyone involved.
3. Baby turns a year. I think this was more mental than anything else but I remember well turning to DH with a big sigh and a hug and saying: "We made it and we didn't get divorced!"
My best advice to see improvement quickly:
1. Have DH take the last night feeding meaning put the kids down, you go to sleep, DH stays up and takes the first baby waking. Sleep in the basement or with a white noise machine so you don't hear it and wake. That should help you string together 5+ hours of sleep without disrupting DH's sleep too much. Stringing together more than 3 hours of sleep will change your world.
2. When DH gets home from work you walk out the door. Go to Starbucks or Target or a book store where you can sit and leaf thru a magazine. Even if it's just for 30 minutes it will do your soul so much good just to get out of the house with no one depending on you and with you not waiting for the next cry, whimper or tantrum where someone needs you.
3. Ignore everything that's not necessary. Eat frozen dinners, ignore house work, etc. Bare bones time. Survival mode.
Hang in there Hon. I promise you will get thru this.
I know the first year is soooo hard but I promise you that it gets so much easier and it's worth it in spades when they're old enough to play with each other.
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
thank you! your right, I need to remember that my hormones are still out of wack. I dont actually leave once DH gets home, I feel like I have to help with dinner, baths and bed. So, I need to try and get out.
Thanks again!
Hi!!! My daughter is 16 months and my son is 3 months. They are 12 months and 3 weeks a part! DD had HFM too when he was 8 weeks old. It was also the week of his baptism and my mom had to have heart stents!
Two under two is HARD HARD HARD. Everyone keeps telling me how cute they are and how close they will be and how great it will be! But right now they aren't dealing with trying to breastfeed with another one climbing ON you because she doesn't understand! They aren't dealing with no sleep and a toddler wanting non stop play. They don't deal with one taking naps/eating constantly and one transitioning to one nap a day (NOOOOOO!!!!)...
It's EXHAUSTING! I finally wrote a long email to my DH last week telling him what I need from him. I am getting 3-6 hours of sleep a night depending on the night and yet I am the primary caregiver (I am a stay at home mom) and primary caretaker of our home. I need more from him. THe biggest sanity saver for me has been at night after DD goes down I give him my son with a bottle of breastmilk just in case and I get 30-40 minutes to myself to take a shower or bath and read some of my book. It's not much but I treasure that little time to myself without a child on me.
It's getting somewhat easier some days and some days it is still SO HARD. All I can say is I only look at everything one day at a time. I don't get so overwhelmed that way. I also look for a playdate for DD at least once a month. It's not as much as I would like, but I figure when you have two this little making it out of the house at all is like performing a miracle!
Best of luck! If nothing else, when they are 4 and 5 you know they will be playing together and happy! Just try to stay sane til then!
I'm petrified of taking them out of the house. I cant carry them both so one would have to stay in the house, then the older one would scream if I left her in the car to come in to get LO. I gave up on breastfeeding because it was taking 45 mins and DD was just not having it, so now I'm exclusively pumping which I'm not sure is even better.
How do you entertain your older one? What do you do with the LO when you are entertaining the older one?
I am so sorry you're having such a rough time right now. Mine are 14 months apart, and what you're feeling is very normal. It's HARD! I have to agree with Howley's post. Your hormones are still out of whack and that makes it even worse. Plus, sleep deprivation makes everything seem so much harder. Try to have your husband take a feeding during the night so you can string together a good stretch of sleep.
It will get so much easier once your youngest starts sleeping through the night and you have some time to yourself before you go to bed too.
For leaving the house at that age, I'd put DS2 in his carseat carrier inside the house, then either carry DS1 while carrying the carseat or have him hold my hand and walk while i carried the carseat to the car. Once we got to where we were going, I'd then put the carseat into the stroller and carry DS1, have him walk while holding my hand, use the double stroller, or I'd put DS1 in the front of the grocery cart and put the carseat carrier inside the cart. I didn't go out a lot on my own with the both of them though (and still don't) because it's overwhelming.
Now, entertaining the older one... You're in survival mode, so for us, we'd do whatever worked. He watched a lot more TV than I'd like. He also always had access to a sippy with water or milk and a snack trap with some sort of snack. I'd try to just keep us all in the living room with lots of books, toys, and the tv and when I'd need to go put DS2 down for a nap, I'd bring DS1 with me and give him something to play with that was special. A lot of times this ends up being my iphone...
As for entertaining the LO while playing with the older one, he loved to lay on his entertainment mat and look at the toys or sit in his bouncer. When he got older, he enjoyed jumping in the jumper for a bit. I found it a lot easier entertaining the baby than the older one since just looking at his toys or watching his older brother was fun for him.
Hang in there and know that it will get so much easier as they get older. Just focus one day at a time and remember "this too shall pass". Hugs!
BFP with no treatment!
Oh, I have SO been there. My two are 13 months apart, and I could barely remember the first 4 months, let alone enjoy them. It was so hard. But it will get better. One day, you're going to realize that they are entertaining themselves without you, and you'll see that you can finally take a breath and have a minute to yourself.
The little one sleeping better made a huge difference - getting him on a nap schedule where he would overlap with DS1 nap was important, and him STTN made it so much easier. We ordered in food a lot, and had a (very cheap) house cleaner come once every 3-4 weeks so that we weren't living in a pit (because I felt I could simply not get all of it done). DH and I made sure to go on a date at least once a month (even if said date was in the middle of the day on a Sunday
Just to get some time alone. I would also take DS1 out alone every couple of weeks so that I didn't feel like I was neglecting that relationship (I had some mommy guilt). Family/friends support was really important for us, because otherwise I would have never had any time alone.
Now, (almost) one year in, it's a whole new world. The boys play together sometimes, they sleep, I can cook and clean and shower! And most importantly, they love each other (as evidence by DS1 crying in the car for his brother today because we left DS2 with grandma while I took him to the doctor)!
This is GREAT advise! Our kids are 25 months apart, and I said to DH the other day I finally feel like I'm out of 'survival mode' now. I'm really starting to enjoy the kids...it was terrible in the beginning when the baby was up all night too, once they STTN, things get better. Just know your not alone, I felt the same way you did in the beginning...it DOES get better
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Sweetie you are still in the thick of it! Mine are 15 1/2 months apart and those first 5 months I just plowed there. I don't even hardly remember those months and just tried to stay a float. Once 5 months or so hit and DS2 got more into a nap schedule of 2 naps a day things got WAY BETTER. I felt like I got a break and started enjoying them more. Now that they are 2 and 1 it's even better most of the time. They play together which is nice. I still have days where I'm watching hte clock for DH to come home but those days are fewer now.
I also recommend trying to get out some even if it's for a walk or go to target. It helped to get out of the house some. I also took up running (did couch to 5K) when DS2 was 3 1/2 months old. It helped me a lot! I felt like i had something for me even if I had to take the boys with me. So find something even if it's only 30 minutes every other day to breath and do something for you.
You just have to rip the bandaid off so to speak on getting out. Do like small little trips out at first then start doing longer ones. DS1 wouldn't walk outside even through he'd been walking for 9 months which was fine since he was little. I also parked next to the cart return. Grab a cart, put baby in, then put toddler and go. DS2 only stayed in the infant seat 11wks so I put him in the baby k'tan (best purchase I made with him) and put DS1 in the cart when we went out. I figured out a way to have DS2 in the baby k'tan and could carry DS1 on my hip. It was the only way I could go places if there wasn't carts. At home, our garage is in the basement so we taught DS1 to go/down steps pretty early on but if he wouldn't walk then I'd run down put DS2 in the car first then come get DS1 to put in the car.
Once DS2 was 11wks old I switched to exclusively pumping for him which actually entertained DS1. He thought the pump was funny and would sit next to me while I pumped. I also borrowed a bottle holder for DS2 to use once he could hold is head up so that way he could eat his bottle without me which helped when DS1 needed me. But I also used Mickey's CLubhouse for days when DS1 just wasn't having it and DS2 needed me. Not the best but you do what you gotta do sometimes.
My two are 15 months apart and my youngest is now 6 months. It goes down to my patience and the mood of my 21 month old at times. It takes a bit to get into any swing and currently i have been struggling with getting my dh to help enough. especially with the age of my ds1; he makes going out at times just plain miserable. What makes my days are the times i can go out without any kids when dh is done with work or sneak out during lunchtime to get a coffee solo (dh works at home and can watch them for like 20 minutes while making/eating lunch).
Depending upon how you are feeling just keep in mind about ppd too and talk to your dr.
Hang in there we all know in this club how tough it will be, but it does have its magical moments!
OH YES 100% AGREE! DD doesn't go down for her nap until DS is ready to go down for his 2nd nap. Sometimes I push DD right to the breaking point (she is running to her bed crying saying night night) but if I don't get that break I can't make it through the day. (mine are 16 months apart)
To be honest I didn't enjoy anything the first 4-5 months. I really was in a survival mode and some days I didn't know how I survived, but everyone was peacefully sleeping and no one got hurt. I had some really dark days those first few months....my DH leaves for work 30 min after the kids wake up (he is busy getting ready) and gets home after everyone is asleep. Things really started to turn around when I stopped bfing (had mastitis 5x in 3 months), he started sleeping longer stretches, could sit up to play, and started to be more predicable for eating/sleeping.
As far as going out.... YOU NEED TO GET OUT! It really saved my sanity. I go out once a day even if it is a walk with the stroller. They get "cabin fever" being inside all day too. I wore DS a lot and either carried DD on my hip until I made it to a shopping cart or had her walk and I had one of those baby leash/backpacks. If I had her in the backpack we would practice holding mommy's hand while walking and hold onto the leash part incase she broke free and took a run for it.