It appears to be a beautiful day outside but I don't want to look. I don't want to open the shades. How can it be beautiful out when the world should've stopped? I know that is horribly narcissistic but a baby has died. There is little beautiful in a world that can let that happen.
BFP #1 - Missed M/C, D&C 3.21.11
BFP #2 - Sylvie V. Q. born and died on 10.28.11 at 21w.
big hugs... it does get easier I promise. It is unbelivably hard early on. Take care of yourself and hug tight to your family.
Married October 28, 2006, TTC since March 2009
IUI #1-8 w/ clomid = BFN
IVF # 1 May, 2011 = BFP!!! Stillbirth at 26 weeks (placental failure/severe IUGR)
FET #1 February, 2012-- BFP! Beta #1=84 Beta #2= 207 Beta #3= 3,526
Our Rainbow Baby is on the Way!
(((hugs))) We didn't open the blinds for a week after Adam died. I remember when spring came, I was so mad. I wanted it to be winter and cold and sad forever.
(((hugs))) We didn't open the blinds for a week after Adam died. I remember when spring came, I was so mad. I wanted it to be winter and cold and sad forever.
This... I remember leaving the hospital with empty arms and a broken heart and seeing a jogger I yelled in my mind... How could htey be jogging my baby just died and I have to live...
It does get a little better, I am almost 9 months out and I still wonder how everyone can act so normal.
{{{HUGS}}}
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Time won't take the pain away - but is dulls it. Just take one day at a time - or one hour if you have to. You WILL get through this. Nothing about it will be easy - but there is some relief to come.
Thank you all for your kind words and for not judging me. I just still can't believe it. I don't want it to get better, I don't want it to get easier, I just want it to go back to how it was when Sylvie was safe inside me and the world made sense.
BFP #1 - Missed M/C, D&C 3.21.11
BFP #2 - Sylvie V. Q. born and died on 10.28.11 at 21w.
I was the same way in the very beginning and still am. I didn't leave my house for a week. I hated that the world was still spinning and life was still moving forward. The first time I left the house, everything was so foreign to me. I could not believe people were still living their lives while I was dying inside.
Big big hugs.
TTC since November 2009.
DH diagnosed with sperm antibodies.
IUI #1 = BFN
IUI #2 = BFN
On the road to IVF....
Egg Retrieval Jan 21, 2011
16 eggs retrieved
Egg transfer Jan 26, 2011
Only 2 viable eggs transferred.
1 IVF, 1 ICSI
IVF #1 = BFP :-)
10/3/11 No heart beat at 38 weeks:
Our baby Jack became an angel
12/14/11 = natural BFP
Rainbow baby Samantha Jacklyn born8/8/12.
I can remember hating the world for going on while my whole world was devistated and gone. Im sorry, it does get "easier" but not necessarily "better"
Very well said. (((HUGS))) to you.
Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms. BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d Too beautiful for this earth BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
I know this feeling very well. I was pissed the world was still functioning and my babies were dead.
Every action felt so pointless, brushing my teeth, grocery shopping, eating...nothing made sense anymore or seem worth dealing with. It does get easier but 8 months later, I still have hard to get out of bed days.
((hugs))
TTC since 07/2009
Me: PCOS, Blood/Immune Issues DH: Low all 3
Jun.- Sep. 2010 IUI#1-#3 = BFN
Oct. 2010 = IVF #1 = B/G Twins (passed away Feb. 2011)
May 2011 = Myomectomy and trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC)
Sep. 2011 = Surprise BFP = C/P
Feb. 2012 = sFET #1 = BFN
Feb.2012 = Hail Mary IUI #4 = BFN
April/May 2012 = FET #2 w/our last two embies = BFP (Please let this be it!)
Beta #1 8dp5/6dt = 234 Beta #2 10dp5/6dt = 695 Beta #3 12dp5/6dt = 1796
Beta #4 17dp5/6dt = 17,888 U/S #1 May 17, 2012 = Twins
Baby B's heart stop beating at 9 weeks 5 days
Our little miracle baby is a boy.
Baby Boy Owen and Baby Girl Avery were born too early on Feb. 13, 2011 due to a pedunculated fibroid, incompetent cervix and suspected placental abruption.
"What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." - Henry Ward Beecher
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
Lots of love and luck to my PAIF/3T/IF Veteran ladies, especially my dear friend Zookie. Congrats to Papps, Teach84 and Starbuck on their little ones.
Hugs. Stay away from Facebook. I made the mistake of going on a couple days after my loss. It stung to see all of my friends' mundane status posts when my world had come to a screeching devastating halt.
The world gets a little more bearable as time goes on. Take small steps and you will find your new normal.
Re: The sun is shining and I hate the world for it.
Married October 28, 2006, TTC since March 2009 IUI #1-8 w/ clomid = BFN
IVF # 1 May, 2011 = BFP!!! Stillbirth at 26 weeks (placental failure/severe IUGR)
FET #1 February, 2012-- BFP! Beta #1=84 Beta #2= 207 Beta #3= 3,526
Our Rainbow Baby is on the Way!
He was 4lbs. 9oz. and 17&1/2in. He was absolute perfection.
Mommy and Daddy love and miss you Avery.
This... I remember leaving the hospital with empty arms and a broken heart and seeing a jogger I yelled in my mind... How could htey be jogging my baby just died and I have to live...
It does get a little better, I am almost 9 months out and I still wonder how everyone can act so normal.
{{{HUGS}}}
Time won't take the pain away - but is dulls it. Just take one day at a time - or one hour if you have to. You WILL get through this. Nothing about it will be easy - but there is some relief to come.
(((hugs)))
BFP #2 - Sylvie V. Q. born and died on 10.28.11 at 21w.
BFP #3 - Evie V. Q. Fetal demise @ 16w. DC 7.8.12
BFP #4 - Beatrix V. Q. Born 6.2.13 at 23w6d.
My blog My chart
I was the same way in the very beginning and still am. I didn't leave my house for a week. I hated that the world was still spinning and life was still moving forward. The first time I left the house, everything was so foreign to me. I could not believe people were still living their lives while I was dying inside.
Big big hugs.
Jenn
3 IUI's all BFN
IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN
Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10
BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11
Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11
my blog
Very well said. (((HUGS))) to you.
BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
Too beautiful for this earth
BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
I know this feeling very well. I was pissed the world was still functioning and my babies were dead.
Every action felt so pointless, brushing my teeth, grocery shopping, eating...nothing made sense anymore or seem worth dealing with. It does get easier but 8 months later, I still have hard to get out of bed days.
((hugs))
Me: PCOS, Blood/Immune Issues DH: Low all 3
Jun.- Sep. 2010 IUI#1-#3 = BFN
Oct. 2010 = IVF #1 = B/G Twins (passed away Feb. 2011)
May 2011 = Myomectomy and trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC)
Sep. 2011 = Surprise BFP = C/P
Feb. 2012 = sFET #1 = BFN
Feb.2012 = Hail Mary IUI #4 = BFN
April/May 2012 = FET #2 w/our last two embies = BFP (Please let this be it!)
Beta #1 8dp5/6dt = 234 Beta #2 10dp5/6dt = 695 Beta #3 12dp5/6dt = 1796 Beta #4 17dp5/6dt = 17,888 U/S #1 May 17, 2012 = Twins
Baby B's heart stop beating at 9 weeks 5 days
Our little miracle baby is a boy.
Baby Boy Owen and Baby Girl Avery were born too early on Feb. 13, 2011 due to a pedunculated fibroid, incompetent cervix and suspected placental abruption.
"What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." - Henry Ward Beecher
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
Lots of love and luck to my PAIF/3T/IF Veteran ladies, especially my dear friend Zookie. Congrats to Papps, Teach84 and Starbuck on their little ones.
Hugs. Stay away from Facebook. I made the mistake of going on a couple days after my loss. It stung to see all of my friends' mundane status posts when my world had come to a screeching devastating halt.
The world gets a little more bearable as time goes on. Take small steps and you will find your new normal.