F/U to Meeting With PC
Schrodinger
member
I posted a few weeks ago asking for some advice about whether or not to take some of SD's items to BM. The Parenting Coordinator had requested that I drop off the items at PC's office for BM to pick up. The general consensus here was to not go out of my way to drop them off. OP is here:
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/58854550.aspx
PC and I sat down for about an hour today to talk about everything. She was really interested in my perspective. It was nice to have an opportunity to unload about all the issues that DH and BM have been having. PC was really non-judgmental and asked all kinds of good questions. I ended up not bringing the stuff. SDs want to go trick-or-treating in our neighborhood on Monday, so they will be by to get their stuff then.
After awhile, it was pretty obvious that PC has a very clear idea in her head what role a SM should have in a blended family. It didn't quite mesh with my idea of my role should be, but it was an interesting perspective. She wants me to take a more active role in SD's lives outside of our house. Things like attending Parent/Teacher conferences, exchanges on Sundays, "family night" at daycare, etc. BM has made it clear in the past that I was not welcome at birthday parties and family night, so I have typically avoided confrontation by not attending these things. PC pointed out that in this case, I am letting BM dictate the relationship.
She brought up some good points and some things to think about. I will probably end up doing some of the things that PC requested with respect to my role. Given BM and her history, we believe that we are going to end up with a GAL (probably just have the PC become the GAL). My only reason for not doing more is having to deal with the fallout from BM. Now that we have a PC, it will be much easier to deflect some of the craziness. If things don't go well, we'll be able to give feedback to the PC that BM is preventing us from doing that things that PC requested of us.
That got longer than I meant it to! Thanks to everyone for the good advice and thoughts on our situation.
Re: F/U to Meeting With PC
I would have brought the stuff to the meeting with PC if I wasn't going to see SD's on Monday. They are stopping by while trick-or-treating with BM in our neighborhood.
Its a fairly new program that the state of WA is trying. The parents agree to how much authority to give the PC to make decisions. In our case, PC only has the authority to enforce the existing CO. If the parents choose, the PC can function like a GAL as well. We are looking into allowing the PC to dictate the schedule. BM and DH have 50/50, but their work schedules cause issues with this and they have trouble peacefully negotiating changes to the schedule.
I hope more states follow this model, it definitely eases a lot of the tension and both parties feel like they have a neutral person mediate disputes without having to schedule a mediation.