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Upstate NY Babies
WDYT about repeat showers...
I know that this can be a hot topic issue but I'm curious what others think. I got an invite for a Sprinkle for a family member for their 3rd child. The couple already has 2 boys, a 4 and almost 2.5 y/o and this baby is a girl. So I kind of get it based on the fact that it's a girl. But here's the thing, the family lives in the South, just moved there from the NE, so it's via Skype! Here's my struggle, they knew they were having the baby when they moved (and when the 2nd baby was under 2) so they could have brought everything to the new house, and the military moved them so the cost of bringing things wasn't an issue. On the registry, there's some big items, jumparoo, high chair, mattress, as well as a lot of gender neutral stuff and things I find it odd to get on your third baby. So they want everyone to buy a gift, mail it, get together and sit around a computer and watch her open gifts the weekend after Thanksgiving. This is where I think my personal feelings take over and my b*tchy side comes out. I don't want to get together and take turns sitting at the computer screen with a family that we aren't close with for someone who didn't come to my bridal or baby shower or wedding (she's an in-law) or send a gift. And I really don't see the point of the Sprinkle except that it's a girl this time. I guess my plan is to decline going on that day and just mail some kind of outfit or something like that. What would you do?
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Re: WDYT about repeat showers...
I know it makes me all judgey and stuff, but repeat showers are just not something I can get behind. One of DH's friends just had one- for their second boy. She got some pretty big ticket items. I just can't wrap my head around it.
Have it through Skype sounds even more ridiculous, IMHO.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
This and Belhurst's responses are making me feel better, thanks girls!
I thought of you, June, when I was writing this because we went to their 2 y/o's bday party in June (a week before J's) and never got a TY card, LOL!
Ehh, that is a weird situation. Here is my general thought - if it is someone that I am going to go and visit the baby after he/she is born, then I would be bringing a gift anyway. So if they have a repeat shower (and I'm free), then I will go and just bring the gift to that. Then when the baby is born, I will just bring a dish of food when I go visit. If it isn't someone that I see a lot and would be going to go visit anyway, I don't bother.
In your case - since it is a family member, I would send a girl outfit or a book once she is born. Nothing big. Certainly no big ticket item. Since you aren't close to them anyway though, and they moved away so it's not like you are going to see them, I would actually probably just say congrats when the baby is born.
I don't really mind showers for 2nd+ babies, as I'm one of those people who think it's nice to celebrate every baby. THAT said, I wouldn't buy a big ticket item like that.. not after the first baby. Unless it was a best friend, maybe, but that's different. That stuff is just their responsibility, IMO, when it's their third. I would tend to get more stuff you "run out of" or stuff you didn't/couldn't save from previous kids. Not anything that is over $20 or $25.
But you killed it when you said it was over skype. No one will even be with them? It almost sounds like they just want the gifts. Part of the celebration, in my eyes, is also getting together with those people you care about. It sounds kinda tacky to me, to be honest. I would decline and mail exactly what you said.
I've heard this is a common practice in the military. DH's aunt lives near Fort Drum (outside Watertown), and she goes up there every spring for garage sales. She's gotten really expensive stuff, practically brand new, for almost nothing. The people, for whatever reason, just want to have as little as possible with them when they move.
I'd go with what others said - say you're not attending, then send a present later.
As for having a sprinkle - I get it when you have all the big stuff, but maybe don't have clothes because the baby will be the opposite sex of your other child, and your friends/family want to do something related to that. Other than that, don't see the need.
This is how I feel too. I didn't want a shower for this baby, but a couple of really nice friends insisted. I don't expect any gifts, I just want to see everyone and eat good food!
TTC since 6/2003. m/c 9/14/03 8 weeks, 5 chemical pregnancies, mmc 6/04 12 weeks, Michael born sleeping 5/25/05 at 22weeks always our angel, fought ovarian cancer and won, m/c 4/06 5.2 weeks and 7/07 6.6 weeks,Our Miracle baby girl born 4/8/10,mc 12/18/11 at 5.3 weeks, BFP 10/26/12 dating u/s on 11/8/12 showing a strong heartbeat!EDD July 4,2013. RCS on 6/27. Baby boy in NICU for 8 long and scary days before he was able to come home. We are now a happy family of 4
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I get that and I'm not complaining about every second shower, because it could be nice to get together and have fun. And I've gone to others (although I think it's silly if the baby is the same sex as the 1st). I think there's just too many special circumstances about this one, and really, probably way too much history for me to get you all involved in, that's making me feel pretty negative about it.
The whole skype sprinkle just seems odd, IMO. I think they just want gifts.
Who is hosting the sprinkle?
I think it is a little ridiculous if the baby is the same sex and the kids are generally close together. I can kind of see doing little stuff if the person is having a different sex baby, but not something that requires a registry and big items.
Sprinkles seem unecessary because most people will send something anyway when the baby is born - in this case - I would think people would send a lot of cute girly outfits or little girly toys (like maybe a cute plush rattle or blanket).
I imagine sprinkles are fun to go to if it doesn't feel like the person or family is soliciting for gifts.. in this case it sounds like it.. I would just send an outfit. I would absolutely not buy anything big.
Nest Bio ~ ~ Baby Food Blog
I would decline and probably send a cute girly outfit. I love any excuse to buy something girly since with 2 boys I rarely get that chance.
I definitely gave the side eye to someone who had a girl 3 years ago and everything on the registry was pink...even the nail clippers. They just had a boy and had to rebuy a bunch of stuff. And there was a sprinkle shower.
I think that they are fine, as it is not the Mom throwing the shower, but other people in her life who want to celebrate and do something nice. Some close friends here threw me a surprise sprinkle, and it was so nice of them. I was given practical things (ie. gift cards for food and they each personalized a onesie). I think that if it is people who would normally give a gift to a second child (family and close friends), then it is fine, but not an expectation. I LOVE buying baby gifts so I am always so happy to be invited to any baby thing
. We got so much for Evan, that I hardly ever got to buy anything, so I grab at the chance to buy for others.
As always, do not feel obligated, so if you are against it, just don't participate.
Being that I had a 2nd shower...I may be bad to answer this...but I think my "case" was a little different. If I would've had a singleton, I would NOT have had another shower. If ppl wanna send a welcome baby gift or whatev...that's their choice.. this is their 3rd kid...no shower necessary. And if you're not close with them, you shouldn't feel obligated at all!
You got some great advice and I agree with PPs- a sprinkle over skype is just weird...
I dont mind second showers- for others and I was totally touched when some of my closest friends hosted one for me but I dont like them if someone hosts it for themselves...