New & scared
Hello! Just wanted to say hi & introduce myself - this seems like a great supportive board. I have an 11 week old DD, and a husband who works 12-14 hour days. I've been home with our daughter so far, but will be returning to work in two weeks.
Our DD has been a fussy girl from the start. My mom came to help for a bit, and I was doing alright. I always felt a little bit "down" since leaving the hospital, but felt like I could hide it. It got progressively worse during the coming weeks, just crying a lot & feeling very overwhelmed. I was having trouble making decisions, feeling like everything I was doing was wrong (while knowing that this wasn't true). This past week was awful. Out of nowhere, I started getting bad anxiety attacks during the day. I have been absolutely freaking out about being home alone with the baby. Just this insane loneliness and misery, like my life is never going to get better (even though nothing is really wrong with it to begin with).
I called my OB yesterday, and after talking to me for no more than 5 minutes, she prescribed Zoloft 50mg, and sent me on my way. No follow up appts, nothing. I think I want to look for a support group on my own, since I feel like I do better in group settings & listening to other peoples experiences. I really don't know much about the Zoloft - is 50mg an average place to start? (she told me the dosages can go up 75, 100 or even 150). She did warn me that I may not start feeling better for 2 weeks, and it would take 3-5 weeks to feel full effects, and to expect to be on it for at least 1 year. For those of you who tried it & had it not work, how did you know? Just still feeling the same after several weeks?
I am so ready to stop feeling like this 
Re: New & scared
After I went on medication I started feeling better really soon. I think after about a week I could notice a difference. I have been on it for 7 months now and it definetly works. Good job calling your OB and getting help.
In case you want to know a little about me:
I got PPD really bad after DD. I felt like I was in a fog. I couldn't concentrate on anything. Thought my life was over. I mourned my old life so bad and couldn't figure why I had a baby. I kept thinking her "real mom" needs to come pick her up. I cried all the time and couldn't even go to the doctor alone with the baby for her check ups. I use to just go sit outside by myself for hours while my mom watched the baby. I got anxiety attacks all the time and have never felt so low in all my life. Going back to work actually helped me.
Now I can't wait to get off work and see my baby girl. I live for the weekends and I have found a way to be happy as a mom. I still get down sometimes but I think every mom does, PPD or not. I am still learning slowly how to balance the baby, my DH, and my social life. It isn't easy but I am getting better.
This!
I need to get this book from the library...
Hey chloe071603. Your situation sounds very similar to mine. Between work and commute, my husband is gone 12 hours a day. I completely sympathize with you on the lonelyness, the misery, the lack of confidence of being a mom, and the knowing rationally that everything is fine - but emotionally being all worked up. My days were SO much better when my mom was visiting, or even if I had a rare visitor. They would comment on what a great mom I was and I'd think "what are they thinking? i have no idea what in the hell i'm doing!"
Like vickycat, going back to work was actually good for me. It was a break from that constant anxiety. But there was still guilt at leaving her, but then relief that Elizabeth was going to be cared for by a 'professional' and not her crappy mother. All of those feelings suck. I hope you don't experience them in two weeks, but if you do, I've got a big hug for you.
I started on Zoloft at 50mg, which I'm pretty sure is the average starting dose. That first day was amazing and I was convinced I was a special case that reacted so well to this miracle pill. But the next day was back to 'normal.' It gradually improved and within a week I felt better, within 3 weeks I ffelt much closer to real 'normal. My OB wants me on it for 6 months. I'm getting close to that mark and I'm afraid to get off of it now.
a tangent from your fussy baby. my experience only: I knew we had one of those 'easy' babies, because she was so great when we brought her home. But then she started getting fussy and crying and I changed my mind. Now that I look back on it, I wonder if that's just my reaction to her when my PPD started to kick in. yeah, she had reflux, she cried, but babies cry. Maybe she was always 'easy' and I just couldn't see that. Because now that my PPD is under control, I'm convinced she's an easy baby again!
Thanks girls. It really does help to hear that people are going thru the same thing as you, almost word for word.
Vickycat - thanks for recommending the book. If I feel brave enough, DD and I will take a trip to the library to get it.
Ksspiff - everything you wrote sound exactly like where I'm at. I do feel like I'm looking forward to going back to work & having her at daycare, b/c I was feeling like they'll do a better job taking care of her than I am. I started the Zoloft yesterday morning, and like you, I actually had a really good day. By lunchtime I felt much more calm, and only had one brief panicky moment. Things are still pretty decent today. After reading what you wrote, I definitely wonder if her fussiness isn't really all that bad, and it's just me being unable to listen to it. She's been a really good girl the past two days, but even the beginning of a cry can send shivers up my spine.
Big hugs to you!
With the combination of going to daycare and getting older, Elizabeth eventually got on an actual schedule. Once I recognized that (reviewing the daily take-home sheets from daycare), I felt amazingly smart. It helped a lot on the weekends to learn her cues better, since I new about what times she would get hungry/tired. And that confidence grew more confidence. Since my husband never looks at those sheets, I'm the one who knows how much she eats, how many times a day, how long her morning nap usually is, etc. It's very empowering.
God bless those ladies at daycare!