Feeling so sad — The Bump
Parenting after 35

Feeling so sad

I am away from home on my first work trip since before Noah was born.  This is my third day away and I'm going home tomorrow afternoon.  Up till tonight things were fine;  DH had help from our nanny and his mom and the kids were great for him.  Each night he would call me with Ellie when she was about ready to go to bed so I could tell her goodnight and it was so sweet and wonderful to get to talk to her like that.

But tonight, I made a big mistake.  She asked where I was and I said in a hotel.  Well, she thinks hotels are great and will ask us all the time if we can go sleep in a hotel (we did for Xmas and we also did this summer while visiting her cousin).  So she basically melted down,  crying and saying she wanted to "go to Mommy at a hotel and give her a big hug".  DH couldn't get her to stop crying or calm down and I couldn't get through to her on the phone either.  And DH was getting frustrated and impatient, and I just felt awful hearing her crying and upset and wanting me and I couldn't do anything for her.

Somehow he finally got her back into her bedroom and she literally fell asleep from exhaustion sitting on this little couch we have for her, and he got her into bed.  She wanted to keep the phone next to her bed on her bedstand, but DH took it with him when he left the room, I guess he was afraid it might ring or that she might try to call me in the night or something.  Well, after he left she sat up and was saying something about Mommy, but he just waited and she eventually fell asleep again. 

I listened to most of this on the phone and I just feel awful.  I should have known better than to mention the hotel, and I feel bad DH had to deal with all that meltdown on his own.  To top it off, afterward he made me feel like he was annoyed at me for causing all this and for having to travel in the first place, even though he knows it is part of my job.  I'm pretty sure he thinks it's a good deal for me to get to go away for a few days and get a break from being mommy.  And probably when they are older it will be great, but right now I feel guilty and worry about them all the time when I'm gone, including him and whether he is handling it being on his own.

I just wish I could get home right now.  It is going to be such a long, long day tomorrow.  And I hate hanging up with DH on such a negative note.  I just feel sad.  I guess I'll just go to bed and hopefully my flight will be on time tomorrow.  Thanks for letting me get it all out. 

Eleanor Paige, born 3/27/08 Noah Christopher, born 10/2/10 Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Re: Feeling so sad

  • Aw, I'm sorry.


  • hugs!! I think we've been really lucky so far when I've been away for work, but my DD is younger than yours so I'm sure it's out there waiting for us.  Hope you have a better day!
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  • Uh, I feel your pain, I'm so sorry! But, tomorrow you will arrive home and everybody will be happy. 
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  • Poor Mommy and poor Ellie.  DH will get over it and you will be able to put her to bed tonight yourself.
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  • : ( aww i'm sorry.
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  • One of the things I did with my kids when they were little and I had to travel is I would talk to them about "dream dates" - we would talk about what we were going to do, places we would go, etc and then they would be excited to go to sleep because they were going to  meet me on a "dream date".

    I don't remember what age we started, but it was pretty young - might be something to try? 

    I'm sorry, I can only imagine the heartbreak and then to have your DH take hsi frustrations out on you.  You'll be home soon, hang in there!

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  • Sounds like you inadvertently made a little mistake when talking to Ellie, and that triggered her tantrum. We all make mistakes, and the good thing is that now you know what not to tell Ellie. Another good thing is that Ellie and H will forget about this little incident in no time.
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