I am away from home on my first work trip since before Noah was born. This is my third day away and I'm going home tomorrow afternoon. Up till tonight things were fine; DH had help from our nanny and his mom and the kids were great for him. Each night he would call me with Ellie when she was about ready to go to bed so I could tell her goodnight and it was so sweet and wonderful to get to talk to her like that.
But tonight, I made a big mistake. She asked where I was and I said in a hotel. Well, she thinks hotels are great and will ask us all the time if we can go sleep in a hotel (we did for Xmas and we also did this summer while visiting her cousin). So she basically melted down, crying and saying she wanted to "go to Mommy at a hotel and give her a big hug". DH couldn't get her to stop crying or calm down and I couldn't get through to her on the phone either. And DH was getting frustrated and impatient, and I just felt awful hearing her crying and upset and wanting me and I couldn't do anything for her.
Somehow he finally got her back into her bedroom and she literally fell asleep from exhaustion sitting on this little couch we have for her, and he got her into bed. She wanted to keep the phone next to her bed on her bedstand, but DH took it with him when he left the room, I guess he was afraid it might ring or that she might try to call me in the night or something. Well, after he left she sat up and was saying something about Mommy, but he just waited and she eventually fell asleep again.
I listened to most of this on the phone and I just feel awful. I should have known better than to mention the hotel, and I feel bad DH had to deal with all that meltdown on his own. To top it off, afterward he made me feel like he was annoyed at me for causing all this and for having to travel in the first place, even though he knows it is part of my job. I'm pretty sure he thinks it's a good deal for me to get to go away for a few days and get a break from being mommy. And probably when they are older it will be great, but right now I feel guilty and worry about them all the time when I'm gone, including him and whether he is handling it being on his own.
I just wish I could get home right now. It is going to be such a long, long day tomorrow. And I hate hanging up with DH on such a negative note. I just feel sad. I guess I'll just go to bed and hopefully my flight will be on time tomorrow. Thanks for letting me get it all out.