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Failed Placement
We brought home what we thought would be our son on Monday. Today the BM decided she wanted to parent & we had to bring him back to the agency. How do you move on from this? We only knew him for 5 days, but we are so broken right now. I don't know how I can trust that a match will ever have a positive ending.
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Re: Failed Placement
I am so sorry, my heart is aching for you right now. I have no advice other than take the time you need to mourn your loss.
((hugs))
Jenn
IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN
Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10
BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11
Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11
my blog
oh my gosh I am so sorry. 5 days is such a long time when you are a new parent. my heart is broken for you.
You have suffered a massive loss, PLEASE take time to grieve and don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise.
I'm so sorry. I don't have any direct experience, but know that people have had failed placements and still had successful adoptions. If you still feel it's what you want in your heart, it will happen.
In the meantime, take time to grieve, seek counseling if you need to, and know that we're thinking of you.
I am SO very sorry that you have to go through this! We had a failed placement after 4 weeks and sometimes I'm not sure at all how we got through it!
My advice - do what you have to do and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Chances are there are going to be very few people in your day to day life that really understand what this is like. Grieve, you've lost a child. People have a hard time understanding that because there is no funeral, sorry to be so blunt, but that is exactly the issue.
Then, when you are ready, pull yourself together and move forward. Lean on your DH and you will have an amazing growth in your relationship as well.
Hugs to yoU!
DD conceived with no issues, but born at 33 weeks due to PPROM
loss #1-06/2010 loss #2-2/2011 loss #3-5/2011
07/2011 dx with a Balanced Translocation
9/2011-decided on domestic infant adoption 10/2011-signed with an agency and getting ready for homestudy
12-2012-after being with our agency over a year and only shown to EM once we decided to talk with RE about DEIVF. Thru a crazy sequence of events we decided to go for it and we picked a donor MUCH quicker than anticipated
1/13/2013-started lupron with anticipated transfer in mid Feb.
ER 2/15 resulted in 15 eggs/10M/6F with ICSI.
2/18 transferred 1-8cell and 1-9cell embie. Snuggle in little embies.
positive on HPT 6dp3dt. Could this really be IT?!?! Beta 14dp3dt=2440. U/S scheduled for 3/20.
This. I am so so sorry. My heart is absolutely broken for you. I'm praying for you and your DH.
I am so sorry.
Take all the time you need to grieve, and don't let anyone guilt you or rush you. I've heard from people going through this that family and friends often don't understand, and want you to move on so that you aren't in so much pain. But you'll know when you are ready, and until then, you should really just do what feels right.
Be good to yourself and let yourself slow down.
If you ever want to discuss it, we are here for you.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Please don't let anyone diminish what this is to you, a very real, very difficult loss. My heart breaks for you.