The best and worst day of my life

Kimcarc21

Yesterday my husband and I went in for our 20 week ultrasound and to find out what gender our little bundle of joy was. Mt family met us at the hoslpital because they couldn't wait to finf out either. Everything went well and the technician made my dreams come true and told us that we were having a liitle girl. It was honestly one of the happiet moments in my life. Before we left the technician said that the babies heart rate was a little lower than earlier and he wanted us to go up to the OBGYN office one floor up so the doctor could check it. So I got dressed and and about 5 to 10 minutes later the doctor gave me another ultrasound and my poor little girls heart had stopped... Somewhere in between the 1st and the 2nd floor my baby died. I just don't understand what happened we saw her heart beating fine on the first ultrasound... Today I had to go back and they placed 5 lamenerias in my cervix so that they can induce labor later and I am really scared becuase I dont know what to expect. I know we have to do this but at the same time has been really hard and to much for husband and I to take. If you have went through something similar please write to me... I feel like I am in a nightmare and I am never going to wake up.

illinigal

Huge hugs.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  I wasn't in a similar situation, but I can imagine that would be hard.  I heard my little boys heartbeats several times and all my tests and bloodwork came back normal.... then one day, I went into premature labor and lost them. 

This is a wonderful board of ladies.  I'm sorry you have to be here, but I hope you find some comfort.

Cercamom2011

I'm so sorry about your loss.  T&Ps to you.

niknak1128

Big big hugs. We lost our baby girl at 19 weeks. Water broke early. It's so hard. I'm so sorry that you have to experience this. Be good to yourself and good to each other. Somehow we find strength.. still sometimes a challenge for me and I"m almost 2 months out.  So sorry. 

roxyttandme

I am so sorry! It is just heartbreaking. If you are open to it, I would encourage you to contact Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/) . They will send a professional photographer to the hospital and take amazing pictures of your little girl at no cost. We did this and I can tell you that it was one of the best decisions I ever made! I can't even explain to you how much those beautiful pictures mean to us! 

When I was faced with delivering a still born, at first I didn't know if I wanted to hold her. Now looking back, I can't imagine not holding her. It really helped in the healing process. It wasn't scare or morbid- it was beautiful.

When you return from your delivery, I hope you come back to this board. The women here are AMAZING! and we would love to support you through this tragedy.

(((hugs))) 

Auki13

I am so so sorry that you have to go through this.  My situation is different and we lost our daughter at 35 weeks (after finding out at our 20 week ultrasound that she had a fatal condition), but I would also recommend you contact NILMDTS (Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep) to have them take some professional pictures.  One of the things I was told is to do anything and everything to get some memories of our baby girl because those will be moments you can treasure forever.  You may not want to look at pictures for months or even years, but at least you will have them if you want to look at them at some point.  If you don't take them you will never get a chance to go back and change your mind.  It may be terrifying to meet your baby, but she will be beautiful and I can only encourage you to hold her even for a bit. I agree with Roxy that it is very healing and peaceful to hold your baby. Again, so sorry that this happened to you.  It is a shock none of us ever imagined.  Be gentle with yourself, let yourself grieve, and I hope that the women on this board can help you through this.  (((HUGS)))

AmyG2b

I am so sorry you have to go through that. I agree with previous posters; holding our daughter and taking pictures was an important part of the grief process for us, and provided the opportunity for many memories, though her time with us was so short. I hope it all goes as smoothly as possible. We will be here for you.

agran

I'm so sorry.  We just lost our little girl too so I thought I'd give you some support for what to expect.  I was scared to death of delivery but it turned out to be a beautiful experience.  I got the epidural because my doctor saw no need for me to feel any of it.  It was great.  It was not painful, not scary.  Be prepared for your induction to take a while... mine took three days.  But when delivery happens it happens fast-- I was ready to go at about 6:30 and had her a little after 7. 

I was scared to see her at first and when they handed her to me I had half a second of discomfort then completely fell in love.  Our daughter looked perfect but was very dark-- purplish.  It happens when they die inutero.  But I am so grateful I held her and looked at her.  I hope you will to.

oh and when it was time to deliver I completely lost it and freaked out on the bed... even though I had kind of been holding it together.  Be prepared to have emotions all over the place.  It's all okay. 

Good luck I hope you have an easy delivery.  I had the best nurses in the world.. I hope you do to. 

Carolee

I'm so very sorry for your loss. 

krysiahamaty

So sorry for your loss. I lost Jack at 38 weeks and I'm still a complete wreck. I'm sorry any of us have to be on this board but it helps. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

mrssoprano

I am so sorry. I lost my baby girl too, after finding out at the anatomy scan that she did not have a heartbeat. I delivered her the next day. They induced me with Cytotec and I had an epidural. The whole process was about 22 hours. I know how shocked and devestasted you feel right now. Like others have said, I'd encourage you to hold your baby girl and have pictures taken. The hospital took pictures for us. I'm so sorry you are going through this. (((Hugs)))

butterfly843

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts.

DesiraeSunshine

Im very sorry. I delivered my twins at almost 20 weeks. This loss just sucks. I agree with the pictures and holding your sweet baby.

hewinked

I didn't have a similar experience, but wanted to send my deepest condolences.  I'm just so sorry this is how your day ended and that you have to go through this.  This board is great.  I'm sorry you have to be here, but I'm happy you found us.  (((hugs)))

magdalina.h

I am so sorry for your loss

lovemymaddy

Oh I am so, so sorry. We are all here for you every step of the way. I'm so sorry for your loss. 

johnnys june

DesiraeSunshine:

Im very sorry. I delivered my twins at almost 20 weeks. This loss just sucks. I agree with the pictures and holding your sweet baby.

 I'm so sorry for your loss!  Take all the time you need, Lovey.  And take it moment by moment.  If you can, hold your baby.  And definitely take pictures.  You may not want to look at them for a little while, but the time will come when you will want to.  *HUGS*  My heart breaks for you.  I'm sending lots of thoughts and prayers your way.  When you're ready, this board of wonderful ladies is here to support you. 

kate6267

I am so sorry {{{HUGS}}}

goillini823

So sorry!! We found out our son Gabriel didn't have a heartbeat at our 20 week u/s also almost 2 years ago. I'm so absolutely sorry for your loss. It's heartbreaking, and devastating. All I can tell you is to spend as much time with her as you can. Lean on your DH for support, and surrond yourself with people that love and are for you. Lots of thoughts and prayers.

cookie_queen

Hugs.

I'm so sorry. Labor is scary. Especially when you know the outcome won't be good. But you are strong and you can do this. Good luck. you are in my prayers.

pb127

I am so very sorry for your loss. I agree about NILMDTS (I *love* my pictures), taking pictures with your own camera (I love these as well) and spending lots of time with your little one (hugging, snuggling, kissing, touching). Be very gentle with yourself. We'll be here for you when you're ready. Big ((((hugs)))) and thinking of you.

karebear57

I am so sorry you have to go through this! 3wks ago today I went to a routine u/s and my lil girl had no heartbeat. But my doc. thought she passed away a couple wks before, I was 25wks along. Going in to be induced was the worst ever, knowing I wouldn't be bringing her home. They gave me 2 doses of cytotec it was given vaginally every 6hrs and it didn't feel good going in! They started me at 330pm and I got the 2nd dose at 930pm and I had her at 0255 that morning. But labor lasted a little over 11hrs. I was at 1cm for almost the whole time but pains get bad and towards the very end I was crying for an epidural. But as soon as I got it as soon as I laid back down in bed she was here. I never thought I'd want to keep her with me or hold her long but as soon as the shakes were over with I held her the rest of the night and morning. I didn't want to let her go. And I am so glad I got to keep her with me for that long. We chose to cremate her. We agreed to the autospy to see if anything else was wrong and there wasn't. I was told it was an inflammation of the placenta due to a possible infection I didn't know I had. I'v also got 3 boys so I was so happy to hear it was a girl when I had my 20wk u/s. It is so hard, I just want to cry so much but each day gets a little better with the bad days peppered in.  I am so sorry you and your hubby have to go through this.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.