Almost 35, busy with life and career but clock is ticking...

Lexy09

I'm going to be 35 in a year. My body is telling me it is time but I am mentally not ready at all and quite scared and confused.  My current life is pretty much like a Sex and The City episode (minus the guy drama as I'm happily married) but I have a great home in the city, at the height of my career and I'm out most evenings (there are lots of PR events and parties associated with my job).  A lot of my girlfriends have decided not to have kids so I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.  Yet I feel that I need to start now - for health reasons and because I don't want to be the oldest mommy in the group plus I plan on having 2!

Is there someone in the same boat - who feels like time is slipping by but life is just too busy for children?  

XV11Star

I was there on and off for years - not necessarily that I was too busy, but just felt like I had a very full and happy life and marriage.  It made it not as much a pressing priority, plus my job makes pregnancy challenging (self employed, very physical career).  We got married about a decade before most of our friends, so there were not a lot of babies being had (felt like less pressure).  We did some testing, then some trying, then a little more testing, etc., but never really got deep into it and saw an RE until this last year.  I kept thinking if it happens it was meant to be kind of thing...

But here I am at 39, pushing up on 40, and having problems with my egg quantity and who knows about quality... had a terrible infection after an IUI and had to have my tubes removed so IVF is now my only option, etc.  It's been a rollercoaster and I really can't saw I ever saw all of this coming.

As really difficult as it can be to think clearly and plan about something like pregnancy when you are deep into your childless social and work life ... I do think for us women that we NEED to.  Because waiting can mean ... well, not good things.     Sorry if I am coming across as negative, I don't mean to be. I just would have told my younger self this same thing if I could have!

Good luck to you!

Snow1010

I felt the same way as you for many years.  My husband and I got married when we were both 26 yrs old.    At the time I thought I would want to have kids before the age of 30.   As the years went on, I became confused, not even knowing if we should have kids.

We had a wonderful marriage, great jobs and went on fabulous vacations.   This made the decision very difficult.  Plus, I never was a "kid or baby person".  

Once my best friends started having kids we would often discuss if we should start trying or if we would be happy without kids. 

When I was 32yrs old I decided to go off the pill and just see what happens.  I had some thyroid issues and did not have a regular period so there was no way to truly "try" because we could not track ovulation. 

After "winging it" for 1.5 years....nothing.   I figured that maybe having kids wasn't for us.   

I'll skip over some of the boring details around getting pregnant....but after we stopped winging it and I had accepted that we might not have kids, I got pregnant.  I was 33 yrs old it was a HUGE surprise!!!

Our LO is a little over 3 months old now.   I'm sure you'll hear how when you have kids your life is so much better....how you still have fun, it's just a different kind of fun....how motherhood just comes naturally and the first time you hold your baby you feel true happiness.

Everyone kept telling me this and it was hard for me to believe....but honestly, it's all so true.   I had never even held a baby before our LO, but everything has come very naturally.   

I guess "getting knocked up" was what needed to happen with us because we were so indecisive about having kids.   DH and I are closer than ever and love our NEW life.  Sure, we can't go out and party like we used to...but that kind of thing won't matter once you have a baby.

Just like you, we felt our life was so good and too busy for children....but now I could not imagine our life without our LO.  

If you know you want 2 kids I would highly recommend you start trying!  

 

 

brooklynesque

Honestly, the great thing about being the age I am is that all the going out (other than with close friends) has begun to get kind of boring.  I won't have any regrets by the time I have a LO (if the stars align and that actually happens!).  If you're not there yet, maybe hold off trying for a year or two, but I wouldn't wait too long.  I started trying at 35 and, well, I'm still trying.

solarflare

Sounds like me! I have a great guy, busy career in the arts, live in S.F., travel often, used to go out a lot... I started TTC when I was 34 1/2 and I am 36 now with thyroid issues that I didn't know about and maybe an egg quality issue. I kick myself for not starting earlier because sometimes getting pregnant in your 30's can take a while. Not always though - it may be easy for you!

I would definitely recommend getting testing done to see if you are dealing with any issues, and don't wait too long! But that's just my opinion. I know how fun life can be w/o kids too and it was a hard decision for us at the beginning. But definitely get the basic day 3 testing done so you can get an idea of what you're working with.

stever

I was there until a few months before my 35th birthday, then I figured it was time TTC whether I was ready or not.

NuggetJo

I thought I would pop in on this one as I can relate very easily. We have been married 10yrs and up until last year had no intentions of having children. When I d  35 it became a now or never situation as none of us are getting any younger :-). I came off BCP in Oct 2010 and got a BFP last week so are currently 5 wks pregnant and hoping our baby # 1 sticks! We did not pursue any type of fertility treatment nor do we seem to have any underlying medical conditions but it did take a year of charting etc. Yes I love the life I have right now, going out , shopping, great vacations and I am a bit nervous about giving that up. However we are ready to welcome the changes and look forward to a new adventure even though it is scary as hell right now!!

Good luck 

Warriorcandy

I guess I can partially relate in that I was na?ve for many years and just assumed that around 35 or 36 I would start trying and that would be plenty of time. I had a lot of fun in my twenties and arly 30s. I was a hard partying musician. I smoked cigarettes for five years. Never drank much but I did dabble in some illegal drugs and just generally was licng on the edge. My husband is 5 years younger than me and we have been together 3 years, married in May and had expected to try around that 35 and 36 mark. Luckily all of my obsessive wedding planning left a mark and I decided to strt looking into the process of having babies at my age. I am 34 since june and as soon as I started reading I realized that my husband and I needed to make a plan for ASAP. I went off birth control. We decided on a make or break time to start and that is May. Even that feels like too long too wait but since we were so caught off guard we had to start organizing to move (he does now want to raise kids in nyc). This also meant we needed time to find new jobs in our move location AND we have our honeymoon in december. It's in south east asia which is not the best place to be preggers so we def have to wait till after then. I am getting my FSH, amh tested and possibly even a sonogram since my sis has fibroids which would make me more suseptable (she is obese though and I am not, hers have symptoms too like heavy bleeding. I am taking a prenatal since june and have gained back some much needed weight (I was very skinny for my wedding). If my Tests come back low ovarian reserve we start Feb but if not then May it is unless we magically get great fully insured jobs right away after our move this january. Basically I am going crazy waiting but doing all I can to at least be in my best health and the most informed when we do start. Perhaps in the interim this is an option for you too? I also think about things like being 35 when I start means even older when we go for our 2nd child. It's a lot to consider so make the decision that is right for you but don't be na?ve like I was. Educate yourself so that you know what may lie ahead. Best of luck! I hope we all get to be mommies in the way we dreamed it!

amandaleigh1

brooklynesque:

Honestly, the great thing about being the age I am is that all the going out (other than with close friends) has begun to get kind of boring.  I won't have any regrets by the time I have a LO (if the stars align and that actually happens!).  If you're not there yet, maybe hold off trying for a year or two, but I wouldn't wait too long.  I started trying at 35 and, well, I'm still trying.

 This is me as well! 

emikat

If you know you want kids and you want 2, I'd think about starting now.  I'm 41, just started TTC this week for #1.  I'm getting married in 2 weeks for the second time, and SO has a 3 yo son that has pretty much been my SS for going on two years. Parenting isn't easy, but if it's something you want, nothing else can replace it.  I know if we can't have our own I will be very sad.  We had talked about not having any and just being happy with our lives, but when it came down to it, I knew I would regret it if we didn't try at least.  Life will always be busy and your career isn't going anywhere soon.  

Lexy09

Thank you all for sharing your advice and experiences.  It makes me feel better to know I'm not alone and that there are other women in the same shoes who have gone on to successfully juggle a career, social life and a family!

I guess my main concern is that it took a lot of work to get to where I am today where I finally have financial freedom and flexibility to travel and do all the fun stuff so I just don't want to give that all up (yet)!  When I'm out with my girls dancing, drinking and laughing, I feel like I can be young forever!

arevere

I think this is a very personal decision and I can relate to how you feel.  Well into my 30s, I was a hard partying, vacation-planning, cool chick, with a great job where I traveled a lot. I met my DH when I was 33 (he's much younger) and though we both knew we wanted kids, we didn't think we'd need to make that decision for awhile. So we kept the party going for a few years.

But when I turned 35, things just started to slow down for me. We got married. And after years of living like I was still in my 20s, I got bored with the late nights and crazy work travel. I still feel young, but I don't feel the need to go out all the time. I don't want to be a slave to my job anymore, either. I want something more than that.

We started TTC and had problems right away. Almost 2 years later, still TTC, I wish we had started earlier. I don't regret any of the decisions I made, but I wish I had been more in tune with my body and thought harder about the potential for problems.

If I were you, I would try to make this decision now. Especially if you want a few kids. It might be easy for you. You might get pregnant right away and have no worries. But there's a chance it will take awhile.