Hypothetical ?? re: announcing Pg? (not Pg IRL)

melly918

I might get off the TTAL bench in a few weeks (FX) and I keep wondering how I am going to be able to keep the news of a BFP until I am ready. Mind you, I am not pg! Just ruminating on the "what if?" When I was pregnant with DS, we told family at about 8 weeks, close friends at 12 weeks and work at 13 weeks. The last pregnancy that ended in m/c, I was not planning to say anything for a long time but my mom figured it out at 5 weeks, we told DS family right after because of a week-long vacation with them. No one else knew and when I m/c, I told my coworkers and both told me they had suspicions that I had been pregnant. Now, one of them is pregnant and told me at 4 weeks because the other coworker figured it out. Everyone knows I want to TTC asap but that it is on hold until I resolve my back issues. I know that people are going to watch me for the signs (fatigue and obvious roots in my hair) so I keep going back and forth about if I would announce right away to close family, friends and those two coworkers I mentioned...or say nothing at all until I am ready which would be probably 2nd Trimester. I feel like with that coworker who had to reveal it so soon, that they would think I would do the same. I just don't want to jinx it again by telling so soon. But at the same time, having m/c'd, do I want to deal with 1st Tri alone? I am just ruminating here and I know this post is pointless because I am not pg, but this board is a little slow today

ktsnshn

We started telling with DS around 8 weeks. Whenever I get KU again, I will probably wait until we at least see a baby with a heartbeat before we tell. I know a heartbeat does not guarantee a take-home baby, but we did not get that far with my two losses, and we did with DS so that is what I think we will do.

mandac033

We told everyone pretty much right away when we found out we were PG. I know we should have waited, but we were SO excited! Even looking back we would have probably still told people because we had seen a HB twice. The next time we get PG we'll tell immediate family and close friends right away, but I think we're going to wait until at least week 13 before we tell anyone else. I found out I lost this baby at my 12 week appointment so at least until after that appt. 

ella.mabel

I don't know... For me, my first instinct was to say that i'd wait to tell anyone until after the heartbeat, but i know it would be hard not sharing it with my mom.  So, my mom - probably right away, rest of family - heartbeat, everyone else - as long as possible! 

punkin514

 

FreyaWin2382

It's a hard decision and I can see both sides. We told my family and in-laws around 6 weeks, and then many of my coworkers figured it out when I started getting sick at work (hard to hide from a group of nurses). My original rule of thumb was if we would want their support if something happened, I was okay with them knowing.

Since we did end up losing the baby, I have received so much support from my family, friends and coworkers. Like another poster had said, I got contacted by many other women who had had m/c (such as my aunt and grandma too!) that I had never known had been through it. It has really helped me to get that support.

On the flip side, I had applied for a leadership project at work and once I got my BFP I had had to tell the supervisor because the terms were a spring or fall commitment....since I had an EDD of May 11th (sigh), I had said I would be better suited for the fall. Forgot all about it. Fast forward to last Friday when I had an interview for the project and the supervisor says: "I got your note, congratulations on your baby!". It took me completely off guard and was very uncomfortable when I had to then say: "Thank you, but I actually am going through a m/c.".....needless to say, the interview did not go well. In this instance, I wish I would have kept my mouth shut in the first place.

 

amandachs

Only a handful of people knew early with this last one, and we didn't tell family until after we heard the HB.  It was hard to untell it, but I'd want support at the same time.  I think we would probably do the exact same thing, but maybe wait until we had seen the HB twice (be at least 12w) before really telling anyone.

kevinandmonica2011

We told our parents and brothers practically right away.  We were so over the moon excited and totally naive to the fact that something could go wrong.

*when* (thinking positive) we get our next bfp, we will likely tell our parents/brothers pretty early again... maybe we will hold out until the first appointment.  The rest of the world... (with the exception of the lovely ladies here and on pgal) can wait until I can't physically hide it anymore.

TBH though... I know it stinks to have to un-tell people, but it truly helped to have the support of my mom and (shockingly) brothers when we found out we m/c.  It is a really terrible thing to grieve in silence.  If, heaven forbid, something like this happens again... I will need the love and support of my family again.

VineyardMel

We told our immediate families and a close group of friends right away and we agree that we don't regret it because they've been such great support in our loss. We might ask our parents what they prefer going forward. If they want to know early we'll tell them. If they'd prefer to wait we're ok with that, too. I know it's not about them, but they were devastated by our loss, too. We won't go public with it until 2nd tri.

melly918

punkin514:

Please do not feel pressured into telling anyone before you feel it's time!! It would be wrong of your coworkers to feel ill towards you just because you chose to wait until 12 weeks to share the news. It was their choice when to share just as it is and always will be your choice to share!

 

I don't feel pressured. These two coworkers are really wonderful but they are very in tune with the whole pregnancy thing. It doesn't help that TTC'ing was pretty much the main topic of conversation for the past few months.  They are pretty sensitive to my situation as they know what kind of hell I went through with the m/c. I just know that they will recognize the signs way before I am ready to tell them. I pretty much told them and my mom and MIL - "don't ask me, don't even offer me wine or coffee or whatever!"  

 

jenn0021

I plan on waiting for as long as possible to tell anyone other than DH and one close friend. Maybe when I start to show? I may change my mind once I am pg but for now, I don't want to tell anyone.

LaTi07

I flip flop. I was going to announce our pg right away, but go figure the weekend I was going to my sis flew into town to announce hers. The day after she told my parents and I, I was at the ER for a suspected ectopic while my sis was telling the rest of the fam. Of course my family thought I was just having a hard time with her getting pg first. My mom kind of went off on my on the phone basically calling me selfish and I lost it and that's how my mom found out I was pg. Definitely NOT how I had planned it, but I was really upset. My in-laws weren't told until the day I had my m/c. Originally we were going to tell the family after our first u/s at 9 weeks.

Having gone through an early loss, we won't tell anyone until we are out of the 1st tri. That may change when we actually do get pg again, but it was very hard for me to go through the m/c when everyone knew. My family is very supportive and were totally there for me, but I really felt like I needed to digest everything before having to explain everything. I'm normally someone who really relies on their family for support, but I really wanted to be alone after my loss. We'll probably hold off as long as we can. Work, I won't even consider telling them until 16 weeks unless I start showing sooner.

charmedgrl517

I go back and forth.....We told close family and friends right away because we were super excited...then when we saw the heartbeat at 7w1d I told coworkers and more friends ( I also feel naive now for not considering m/c more of a possibility)....then we found out at my 11 wk appt that we lost the baby at 8wks. I really don't know what I am going to due the next pg....At this point I am just hoping to be pg soon so I am more concerned about getting pg right now and then figure out who we will tell although I really don't see us doing anything different b/c I actually felt better talking about the m/c and everyone knowing about it.

briast20

I don't know what to do.  With my last pregnancy, we waited until after we saw the heartbeat on u/s at 9w to tell anyone, then found out we lost her at 12w.  If I had my way, next time around, I'd wait until the baby was born.  But that's not realistic.  In reality, I have no idea when I'll tell.

HBlevins87

You should only tell people when you are ready to tell them, don't feel pressured to tell sooner then you are ready. I will personally probably tell close family like DH and my parents and siblings because I really can't keep it from them and I know they will be there for me if we end up having another m/c. Other family I'll probably wait til about 12 or 13 weeks. I'm not really sure when I'll tell everyone else, it may be at the 12 or 13 week mark or maybe later.

dunlap09

I think that it is a personal decision. You tell when you are ready to tell. For me, I have to tell work ASAP because I take x-rays sometimes and that would be something I have to stop as soon as I found out. If it weren't for that aspect of my job, I would want to wait until I was out of the first trimester.

GATORSnBRONCOSgoTEBOW

With this last pregnancy I told everyone as soon as the second line showed up...no later than 4 weeks. After having 4 healthy full term babies it just never occurred to me that I would have a m/c. I don't think it would have really mattered for this last pregnancy because I would have told people at 12 weeks and I lost the baby at 12 weeks 6 days so I would have had to untell either way.

If we should happen to get a BFP this cycle DH and I have decided to hold off on telling people until after the anatomy scan at 20 weeks. We talked about telling people earlier so we would have their support if we had another loss but I found untelling everyone really traumatic and all the phone calls, emails and FB comments got on my nerves. I also felt like I was being really rude when I didn't want to thank people for saying they were sorry but I honestly just wanted to be left alone.

We live with my mom so I am pretty sure she will guess early on. If she does I won't lie but I am not going to tell her.