They asked me to plan a baby shower...

figgs0831

for the women (co-worker) who is due 3 weeks after I should have been.  The woman who every day when I came back to work, rubbed her belly and talked about her "surprise, perfect pregnancy" with her boyfriend.  The one who now is also talking about her 33w appointment and saying, "Don't worry, you will get here someday".

They said that this should be my responsibility since I was close to her and she had planned my work bridal shower over 3 years ago.  How can I do this when I can't even look at her or her belly?  Don't even get me started on what happened the last time I walked into Babies R Us....

Would it be wrong or selfish of me not to plan this?  To pass it off to someone else and explain that I am not emotionally ready to do this?  Or should I bite the bullet and plan it... but not actually attend?  I am torn.  I never thought after what happened that they would ask me to do this.

roxyttandme

I wouldn't do it. It is too soon, too much! I think it is crazy for them to even ask you. I would push back and simply tell them you are not ready for it. I would hope they would understand. 

Sorry you are going through this!

(((hugs))) 

Nesting.Away

No. You do not have to do this. You have to do what is right for you. Self-preservation is what I call it. And for them to put this on you is appalling. They are asshats!

magdalina.h

I wouldn't be able to do it.

DesiraeSunshine

I think that it is very ignorant that they ask you to do this or even suggested it. I don't think you owe anyone as explanation but if you feel you do then explain that you aren't ready. What is wrong with people? Id love to live in that naive world again.

hewinked

Absolutely not wrong or selfish!  I would just not do it.  I couldn't.  If people don't like that or get mad, then too bad.  No one can possibly know how hard this is on you (on us) unless they've been through it.  I actually think them expecting you to do this is wrong and selfish.

LoveOfMikesLife

If your not ready then just don't do it!

figgs0831

Thank you ladies.  Now I don't feel like a horrible person for feeling this way.  I am going to draft a nice email to the people who volunteered my services and decline.  I would be more then happy to contribute to the gifts/food, but I will not go.  I would probably be the hot mess crying in the corner.

blush64

How could they ever ask something like that of you?? I don't know you but I would never think of asking someone to do that after suffering a loss.

 It would not be selfish not to plan it. If you are close enough to anyone there I would be honest and say I couldn't do it because it was still ahrd for me emotionally. If you aren't close enough to anyone there or if they gossip then another excuse will do.

 

pb127

figgs0831:

Thank you ladies.  Now I don't feel like a horrible person for feeling this way.  I am going to draft a nice email to the people who volunteered my services and decline.  I would be more then happy to contribute to the gifts/food, but I will not go.  I would probably be the hot mess crying in the corner.

This sounds like a great idea.  Do you have enough sick/vacation time that you could just take the day off all together?  Big (((hugs))) Figgs!!

niknak1128

OMG no. It would NOT be wrong or selfish of you not to do this! Actually it would be you taking care of you. It is ridiculous that they even asked you. I am so sorry that people can't have a brain and be more sensitive!! 

I work in disability management and I sometimes have to handle complicated pregnancy leaves which usually just means that the woman is off work or restricted early than necessary or something of that nature.  I got back to work and had a stack of 5 pregnancy cases on my desk. I didn't care.. I asked my supervisor to assign them to someone else.

Take care of you!!   

Carolee

Nope, not wrong or selfish at all! IMO, I don't think they should even be asking you! I'm sorry!

kate6267

They shouldn't be asking you!   I am so sorry they put you in this position. Please take care of you!

Cercamom2011

I'm sorry and know how difficult this is.  I actually planned my sister's and SIL's baby shower just a few weeks after we lost my daughter.  It was very painful, especially since SIL was due the same week I was.   I knew no one else was going to throw a shower because they didn't want to hurt my feelings and I really wanted my sister and SIL(and especially their babies)  to be honored.  

 

In the end, I made the decision that was right for me and my situation.  For a co-worker, I seriously doubt I could have done the same.  If you change your mind and do throw it or attend, I would step out during the opening of the gifts.  It was just too hard to see all the baby stuff, so I left the room.  HUGS to you, and I wish you the best of luck.

coolteacher79

You should not have to do this. I am really surprised they even asked. I am so sorry for their insensitivity. I would hand it off to someone else, personally.