depressed *questions about rainbow babies

DesiraeSunshine

Im depressed, I know I am. Sometimes I feel dead inside and I feel like I go through the motions of life without really enjoying it much. I can handle it and not interested in meds because we are TTC and I don't like the side effects. I know I will never forget and I don't want to, but for those with rainbow babies does it get better. Does the new life fill SOME of the void?

hannahlb2

I'm currently pregnant with a rainbow baby. i wouldn't say it takes away the pain. I still cry for my daughter almost every day. However, I would say that being pregnant gives me something to look forward to. When my daughter passed, i felt like my life was over. My day to day routine felt pointless. i feel like this new baby gives me a reason to live.

magdalina.h

Lucas fills some of the void. There are many times where I get upset because I should have both my boys playing on the floor.

hewinked

My rainbow isn't here yet, but so far I feel very detached from the pregnancy.  It absolutely gives me something to look forward to, but I'm also feeling scared to let myself get excited.  It's a weird bag of emotions.

DesiraeSunshine

hewinked:

My rainbow isn't here yet, but so far I feel very detached from the pregnancy.  It absolutely gives me something to look forward to, but I'm also feeling scared to let myself get excited.  It's a weird bag of emotions.

Detached is what im afraid of.....detatched and depressed.

hewinked

DesiraeSunshine:

hewinked:

My rainbow isn't here yet, but so far I feel very detached from the pregnancy.  It absolutely gives me something to look forward to, but I'm also feeling scared to let myself get excited.  It's a weird bag of emotions.

Detached is what im afraid of.....detatched and depressed.

Yes.  I've dealt with depression off and on for most of my adult life, so I definitely feel you.  When Adam first died, I felt myself sliding into that, but suddenly anger took over.  I can't seem to shake it.  I'm still pretty early in this pregnancy, so I'm hoping the detached thing lets up.  It's hard cuz I never felt this way in my other pregnancies.  Part of getting through my grief is having things to look forward to.  So I am looking forward to it and having that fills some of the void.  It's just a different kind of "looking forward" that it was before I had a loss. 

figgs0831

I am currently pregnant with what I hope will be my rainbow baby.  Unfortunately... for me, being pregnant again before my EDD arrived has been a disaster.  It has brought back all these feelings that I thought I had dealt with.  Each day that my EDD gets closer and all my pregnant friends are closer to their babies being born.. I am more and more angry.  I can't talk about it or even look at them. 

These feelings took me by surprise.  I can't seem to get excited about this pregnancy because I feel like, "What for?  It won't end up well."  On top of that, I feel guilty that I am trying to replace our little boy.  Hopefully these feelings won't last and this is just the hormones going wacky.

 

roxyttandme

I dealt with depression for quite a while. I would suggest that you talk to your doctor. There are meds you can go on while ttc and pg. I was on some - and they did wonders for me. I think it is at least worth the conversation. With all the hormones that come along with pg, you don't want to amplify the depression. Have you thought about counseling? It also can be worth something to look into. 

(((hugs))) Sorry you are going through this.  

DesiraeSunshine

We have been in counseling since the week it happened. Is feeling depressed normal after your babies die? Im hoping at some point it lessens with time, I've never had good luck with meds (always a bad emotional reaction and I've learned to deal). I think the IVF has brought on. The feelings worse in the last few weeks. I had been doing much better then BAM!

hewinked

DesiraeSunshine:

We have been in counseling since the week it happened. Is feeling depressed normal after your babies die? Im hoping at some point it lessens with time, I've never had good luck with meds (always a bad emotional reaction and I've learned to deal). I think the IVF has brought on. The feelings worse in the last few weeks. I had been doing much better then BAM!

Absolutely!  And it probably will come and go for some time.  I know it did/does for me.

LoveOfMikesLife

I cant help with this but I wanted to give you a (( big hug))!!!!

johnnys june

*huge hugs*  I'm sorry you feel this way, Lovey.  I think the key is to keep talking about it, and to try to find positive ways to channel those feelings.  I come in and out of "depression" all the time.  Most of the time I feel just like you described...detached and going through the motions.  Sometimes I force myself to go for a jog or to volunteer or do something I enjoy just to revive a tiny portion of the spark I once had.  It doesn't make everything better by any means.  But it helps in the moments. 

easjer05

I can only speak from the pov of being 12 weeks pregnant at this point.  The void is massive for me, because I don't know if this one is going to live either.  I am very detached, and I'm totally ok with that.  While I know that I will feel some guilt if it doesn't make it, this is what is necessary for me to get out of bed everyday.  If it lives, we'll have plenty of time for bonding.

I can say that I am very glad (looking back) that I didn't conceive early on.  As frustrating and awful as the rollercoaster of ttc for 2 years was, there is no mind game about if not for that, then not you. . . We were always going to be trying for Gabe's sibling now, and that has definitely made things easier on me mentally.

I think, to be honest, what fills the void is mostly time and acceptance, and neither of those things can be hurried.  

pb127

No info, just ((((HUGS))))) and thinking of you. 

SockMonkeySam

To a point yes Z fills the void, but there are days that I' like crap I shoudl have 4 kids. I still get depressed. I talked to my doctor and they put me on medication that has seemed to help ease some of the depression.

((HUGS))

jgengo0

My situation is a bit different....Out of our horrible loss we still got to bring home a beautiful baby.

Lot's of people, including my husband, think this makes everything ok and that I should basically be over losing Lilah. I still think about her and cry often, but yes having Audra makes things better. When I am feeling sad I give Audra all my love. Her cuddles make everything better. It's not that she fills the void, but she definitely takes my mind off of the situation.

MyAngel*2010

so sorry for your loss...she was beautiful

rvandiver0705

Having R got rid of the fear that we'll never have children, but that is it.  I love my little girl, and I am amazed by her every day.  However, I'm so scared that she is going to die, just like I was almost convinced that she wouldn't come home with us at all.  I never finished her nursery, I didn't take bump pictures, and I didn't do a pregnancy scrapbook.  Looking back, I wish that I had pushed through the fear and tried to celebrate that time more, but I wasn't capable of doing it.

I've spoken to a number of doctors, and no one thinks I'm depressed.  I am simply  devastated over losing my son.  To the doctors I've spoken to, it is a normal and expected reaction to a traumatic event.  I don't have a hormone imbalance and I'm not a danger to myself and others, so I have to just live it.  I'm trying my best.

 

I do still feel dead inside sometimes, but R helps me get through those times.  She doesn't prevent them, but she makes them shorter and less overwhelming, if that makes sense.