How long was it until...

lovemymaddy

How long was it until you felt "safe" enough to venture out of the house with anyone but DH and/or maybe your mom?  I have a friend in from out of town and she's invited me to dinner with a few of our other girlfriends tonight. (One of which is pregnant.) They will literally be at a restaurant about 5 minutes down the street but I just don't feel like going. I haven't seen any of them since the funeral a few weeks ago and I know they mean well by inviting me out but here's how I look at it:  1.)  If we don't talk about Timmy and they sit there and talk about other things then I have to be pretend that I care about what they are saying and then I'll feel guilty for having "fun" later.  Or 2.) we talk about Timmy and what's happened and I end up crying into my food in a room of about fifty people eating dinner around us. Ugh. I guess I still only feel most comfortable around DH and that's it you know?

I'm sure it's different for all of us, but how long was it before you could venture out with friends, etc.?

krysiahamaty

I am going to my first "event" tonight. It's one of my best friend's birthday party. She was there for me through this so I feel obligated to go. Today is also the first day I've been apart from DH for the whole day. It's killing me but I'm trying my best. Good luck. I think you should try to go. If you don't feel right while there, excuse yourself and go home. Don't feel guilty though. Or at least try not to. :-/ 

johnnys june

Honestly....months!  I don't remember how many.  I rarely left the house for the first 5 weeks, and after that it was only because I had to return to work.  Even when I would go out I found myself having anxiety/panic attacks -- something I never experienced prior.  I think it was probably 3 or 4 months before I felt not necessarily "safe" but able to "manage" my anxiety.  *hugs*

My advice...if you don't want to go, don't.  You don't need to force yourself and risk being more upset.  Trust your instinct.  Don't hold yourself back or feel guilty for having fun.  But don't feel guilty for not being ready to "have fun" yet either! 

magdalina.h

We started off by going to a friend's house. Then we went to a bar so I couldn't sit around any kids. Then we went to a kid friendly place. That was about a month out for the last one. I laughed and I laughed hard. It felt amazing, but then I cried because I felt guilty. It really helped me though to take those steps instead of just going out right away.

roxyttandme

It took me a couple months and then I was very selective with whom I went out with. I tended to stay with my BFF who was in the room when Haleigh was born. She understands everything we went through as she was there the entire time. My recommendation is give yourself the time you need and don't force anything until you are ready. Then, when you are ready, be selective with who you go out with. Also be careful to where you go. I went to Target by myself about 2 weeks PP, and got stuck walking by the baby clothes and ended up in tears. It is just tough! Now after over 2 years, I actually enjoy looking at baby clothes. It just takes a while to get there - but you will. 

(((hugs))) 

Carolee

I want to say it was probably about a month.  A good friend took me out for frozen yogurt.  We both cried, but it ended up being a good visit.

hewinked

We moved to a new area only 4 months before Adam passed, so I only had 1 friend here.  The first time I met with friends was in May when I went back home, so 4 months after my loss.  I went to a bbq.  I felt ready, but I was not ready for their reaction.  No one talked about Adam unless I brought him up casually in coversation.  I was not expecting that.  I've gone out with the one friend here, but she was with me the whole time Adam was hospitalized and when he died.  If I had existing friends here before, I might feel differently.  But I still feel awkward around new people because of what has happened to me. 

butterfly843

It took me a few months to venture out without dh or my sister. It was tough at first, but the more times I went out the easier it became.

pb127

I don't think I have gone out without DH yet... but about a month after DS passed, we went home and had dinner with friends we hadn't seen in 4+ months.  We talked about DS, a little of what happened that I hadn't emailed about, we all cried a little and I answered a few questions first thing. After that, we got back to our normal conversations (I steered it by asking questions... oh how was your trip to X, how is your work project going, etc) and we had a lovely time.  It was good for my heart to have a little fun again, and I know DS was happy to see me laughing again. 

sandykins

I went to lunch with my best friend three weeks after and cried the whole time. I then took my daughter to a birthday party like a month after. That was crazy hard, especially it was at a museum that I took B to when I was still pg.I have a party for work that I am required to attend in two weeks - already dreading it but I will go.

coolteacher79

We have a group of very close friends who walked with us very closely through my pregnancy and loss. They are incredible. Thankfully, I felt safe with them... safer with them than my own family in fact... the entire time.

 It took me a while to be willing to venture beyond them. One of our first things we did venturing out was going to see DH's family in NYC for Thanksgiving that year (Isaac was born October 7).

If you're not up to it, don't go. It is really important to take care of yourself right now. I am sure they will understand