How do I be there for my friend? *warning: baby namer in sig*

annabanana2280

My friend recently lost her pregnancy at 9 weeks. She told us all she was pregnant about a month ago. I've never seen someone so happy. She was just completely thrilled.

I get a group facebook message today that says she lost the baby, and she doesn't want anyone calling, texting or messaging her. She doesn't want "anyone to mention anything about it ever." She doesn't want anyone responding to her message even.

Do I just ignore her message? It seems like that's what she wants, but I don't want her to feel like I don't care or that I'm not hurting with her. 

Thank you ladies. I appreciate it, and I'm so sorry you're all here on this board. 

SockMonkeySam

That's a hard one, she might just need time. I'm thinking with the instructions above she is hurting bad and doesn't want pity from people.

I would give it a few days than message her, or send her a card telling her that you are there for her when she wants to talk.

hewinked

That is a tough one.    I would do what she wants right now.  In a few weeks, I'd probably send her a message, just leaving it at, how you doing.  She then can answer it however she wants.  I had a friend who had a m/c about a year ago, and she was very private about it.  I sent her a few texts asking how she was, and she just answered, fine.  I didn't push it any further cuz I figured she didn't wanna talk about.  Every once in a while afterwards, I'd let her know I was thinking of her.  She appreciated that. 

easjer05

hewinked:

That is a tough one.    I would do what she wants right now.  In a few weeks, I'd probably send her a message, just leaving it at, how you doing.  She then can answer it however she wants.  I had a friend who had a m/c about a year ago, and she was very private about it.  I sent her a few texts asking how she was, and she just answered, fine.  I didn't push it any further cuz I figured she didn't wanna talk about.  Every once in a while afterwards, I'd let her know I was thinking of her.  She appreciated that. 

This.  Right now, honor her wishes.  You are perceptive to know she may not always feel that way, and that because of what she's saying now, it may be harder for her to deal with it.  Immediately after my miscarriage of our first planned pregnancy, I wanted nothing to do with it - I wanted it out (it was missed, so I had to wait for awhile so everyone was certain, but there was no changing that outcome), I wanted it over, I wanted to be moving on and trying again, but I did eventually have to deal with the pain.

So leaving it a bit open-ended, letting her know she's got the option to talk later if she wants/needs to is a good thing, while not pressing her about it honors her wishes now.