Pre-School and Daycare

Can you teach sharing??

Seriously. My almost 3 year old is very stubborn and not good at sharing whatsoever. I try to teach her, show her how it can be fun, nothing works. She has a friend from pre-school that comes over for playdates, and I feel sorry for the little girl because my kid throws fits and won't share anything. Anyone else go through this, have any ideas??
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Re: Can you teach sharing??

  • Absolutely.  It will take years to sink in, but you should model it, and correct her when she acts inappropriately.  At 3 it's really telling them what to say every time and then making them say it.  "Sweetie, try saying 'I'm playing with this right now, but you can play with it when I'm done'"  If she doesn't want to give something up, you could set a timer.  It's totally normal for a 3 yr old to not want to share.  They're still developmentally ego-centric and just learning cooperative play.  Every time you take the time to teach her the right way to interact it builds up and eventually she will be a rockstar at it.  
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  • Keep talking and showing her what sharing is. If my DD who is 2.5 is having issues with sharing, I take whatever toy they are having an issue with away. She can definitely be taught what sharing is.
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  • of course you can teach it!  But, I don't think you are ever "done" teaching it.  You teach it every day with your own actions and behaviors.
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  • To me, "share" is an abstract term.  So, it's hard to use it with kids under 4-5 and have them just understand exactly what they're supposed to do.  When my kids were younger, we took turns.  And, before we have friends come over, even know, I tell them to put away anything they don't want to share with their friends.  If it's out, it's fair game.  If we have trouble taking turns, I set a time for 5 mins and everyone gets a chance.

    I would play "taking turns" with her at home too.  this way, she will learn that the toy eventually comes back to her and to trust that it will when she takes turns with someone else. 

    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
  • roll play lots and go overboard w/ how good to feels to share and to have someone share w/ you
  • imageshouldbworkin:

    To me, "share" is an abstract term.  So, it's hard to use it with kids under 4-5 and have them just understand exactly what they're supposed to do.  When my kids were younger, we took turns.  And, before we have friends come over, even know, I tell them to put away anything they don't want to share with their friends.  If it's out, it's fair game.  If we have trouble taking turns, I set a time for 5 mins and everyone gets a chance.

    I would play "taking turns" with her at home too.  this way, she will learn that the toy eventually comes back to her and to trust that it will when she takes turns with someone else. 

    This is very similar to my approach, although I do use the word share.  Now my youngest is 2.5 so my oldest has had quite a bit more time to practice this than yours has but it's still a daily struggle with my siblings but he is very good about it at pre-school and playdates.  He's come to understand that A. he'll get things back, B. we treat our friends nicely and sometimes that means sacrifice.  I find that the most effective techniques I've ever used have been putting a fought over toy on time out (up on the shelf for 3 min) or setting the timer on the stove.  I tell you, I can be blue in the face telling them to take turns, let say it's with the sit and spin and it's fighting and pushing and yelling.....the minute I say " It's A's turn and I'll set the timer for 1 min, when the timer goes off it's C's turn". and holy cow they just stop and wait.  It's crazy how much power that darn stove timer hasBig Smile

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