Hi, I'm new, please read my story :)

kcorrea415

Hi everyone! First off I want to say that is community is so great! I'm so happy we all have each other! I've been reading past posts on here and everyone is so welcoming and supportive, which has made it easy for me to share my story with you all.

I am a 21 year old student majoring in primary education. I am 16 weeks along today and I am single. The father of my child and I were in a relationship together for 3 years. We broke up mainly because he lacked empathy and was very self absorbed. We remained friends for a few months... When I found out I was pregnant he strongly pushed for me to have an abortion, and if not at least an adoption. He stopped eating for days, would not get out of bed, skipped work for 2 or 3 days, while I was having morning sickness he too was throwing up because he was/is "physically sick about this all mess.". I still love him, as an individual, I believe in him, I always have, I wish he would work to be the best possible version of himself, I feel like my love is taken for granted. I tried to remain is friend through the past two months of him knowing I'm pregnant. We would see each other and have a good time until the baby topic came up and he would throw huge fits, he says he'd rather commit suicide than have a kid and spend his life with me. It's painful, after everything I've done and all of the help I offer and give he says hurtful things to me. It must be very tough on him however, I deserve better. So, I stepped away.

I told him that we need to be together and be as civil as possible with each other so that our child can have two parents if he does not agree with that then I'd rather he not play a role in our child's life at all. Was that the right thing to say? It felt like it was... He has not come to a decision and it keeps me up at night sometimes. So glad I have you all.

God bless!  

 

jenny2508

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this right now.  I can relate a lot more than I care to admit.  The difference in our situations is that I am married to the man who is having a "problem" with the idea of being a father.  My husbands issues started when I was about 8 weeks along.  We did not divorce but I left him and rented an apartment on my own.  He would say horrible things as well.  He told me that he hoped I had a miscarriage and wanted a DNA test to prove that the baby was his and he threatened to kill himself.  I did what was best for me at the time.  I did not cut him out of my life or the life of our child forever, but, I got out of the situation while I was pregnant because it was best for my health and that of our child.  My son is now 7 weeks old.  I am still not back with my husband.  He claims that he has changed and that he wants to be a part of our lives but to me, that is just words right now.  I am hoping that one day he can SHOW me that he has changed, but I am not holding my breath.  For now, do what is best for you and that beautiful baby growing inside you.  THAT is the most important thing.  Stress is never good for either of you.  I wish you all the luck in the world!

PrincessFiona9

To answer your question, no that was not the right thing to say. You do not need to be together at all. If he wants to choose not to be with you or be involved in the child's life, that's up to him. You just do what you need to do and don't try to be his mom too. I would just recommend filing for child support as soon as the baby is born. Whether he wants to spend time with the baby is up to him, but he can't run out on his financial responsibility.

clichequeen

i'm confused.  are you saying that you told me you don't think he should be a part of the baby's life if you and he are not together?

DaringMiss

He doesn't want to be a father.  Period.  

You will be able to file for child support, but he doesn't want to be an active part of the child's life.  Accept it.