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Parenting
DandRAgain
member
seriously, auntie
DandRAgain
member
in Parenting
Do you go around diagnosing (even if its just in your head) every child you see? Pretty sure you have a label for all of our kids. I'd LOVE to know what you think my kids label is....
This discussion has been closed.
Re: seriously, auntie
Eh, GHM is known for car seats. Auntie is known for aspergers.
I will say though, her responses are ridiculous. I have said it time and time again -- who the heck speaks like that IRL!? I would seriously walk away from her if I were having a conversation IRL with her.
This. She takes time to type out well thought-out responses to people's questions. She obviously has a lot of experience dealing with special services. Her posts are always a lot more valuable to me than a simple "Oh no! Hugs!" response. (Not that there's anything wrong with just showing support, but her posts are usually a wealth of information.)
I don't get the hating on her.
The thing is she "goes there" with EVERY response....you can't post anything without her turning into "well, you should look into A, B and C"
If you don't get it (the hate), you won't get it. And that's fine. Not everyone is going to be annoyed by her responses. Just like everything in life -- everyone has an opinion.
Mine is that her posts are annoying and OTT. You don't have to agree with that, of course.
I'd have more disdain for those of us who may have helpful information to contribute but don't put forth the effort to share it, but, of course, we'll never know who those are! We're here to support and entertain each other, but I don't mind if I also learn something along the way, even if it is delivered rather preach-ily.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
another thing....I'm not even SURE how that post became a "jodi, you don't want to disregard the possibility"....because I'm not sure WHERE in the post she ever said "well, I KNOW my son does NOT have a problem...."
But once again, the nest can turn things around and OFTEN does it to Jodi because she contributes and answers and responds with exactly what she is feeling/thinking in that second....
Exactly!
Every response suggests that the child has autism or a delay of some sort. Seriously, you can say that your child doesn't like broccoli. The answer? Her son's scout friend's cousin didn't like broccoli and he was on the spectrum. Get him evaluated.
I do "get" why her responses annoy people, but it's no secret that she sees the world through asperger-colored glasses, so you have to take that into consideration. When you have a child with a disability (especially a severe one), it really takes over your life. You deal with it, think about it and talk about it every.single.moment of the day. So if I posted about my 19 month walking on his tip-toes (which he sometimes does), most of you would say "my kid did that too - totally normal, NBD" and auntie would probably point out that many autistic kids do that and I just need to keep in mind that *everyone's* response is colored by their own experiences. The inputs are helpful, but not a replacement for a professional actually seeing my kid and getting the whole picture.
I'm sure she knows that every kid doesn't have autism (or dyslexia or ADHD, etc.), but she also knows all too well that most of these disabilities (or whatever the right word is), the outcome is way better with an early diagnosis and intervention, so she'd rather be alarmist and have someone evaluated and told everything is fine, than to offer hugs and say "it's probably nothing" and have another year or two go by without the kid getting help.
And as others pointed out, she has a wealth of information about resources and is happy to share it, which I really appreciate.
But the thing is....if people are TRULY using the NEST as their source for professional help and opinions....welll....that's a problem.
We get it...she's the expert. Well, then people can page her if they want info about that.
Even GHM stopped posting in EVERY single post "rear facing until 2!!!!" But she respondes to pages every time.
What happened to coming here to vent a little, get advice/support without getting lectured that you aren't doing enough and should take your kid to a doctor to get checked for A, B and C.
Again, Jodi's post sounded a lot like a caring parent who is working closely with the teacher and doing everything advised by the people who KNOW Joey best. So jumping to "ASPERGERS!!!!!" is just a little crazy.
And nire, I don't see you responding to every post "well, maybe you need to take your dd to the doctor to get her checked and make sure her daddy isn't raping her" See??? big difference.
No, I don't think anyone is suggesting that auntie's posts should take the place of a professional's advice.
If her posts rile you up so much, you could consider using the block feature. I'm no doctor, but it just might lower your risk for heart attacks.
It's easy to get annoyed at auntie. She reads like a textbook and generally does suggest some kind of diagnosis for most kids involved in posts that she participates in.
She does more good than harm, IMO, even though I want to shake her sometimes myself. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. I also question the wisdom of necessarily intervening in a clinical way with every "deviant" behavoir. I wonder sometimes if some kids might do better with less services rather than more.
Her anecdotes can be pretty funny though. I think she does surround herself with more than a random sample of people as there is a real concentration of spectrum in her life.
I agree. I didn't think her response was alarmist or anything--It just stated her experience & route she took with her kid. I think relating experience was with good intention. Then Jodi response was anything but well intentioned asking if it was genetic. Auntie has given me the same advice that many well paid experts have given me only for free. I think she's helpful based on what people post (which is NOT the whole story of course). You can take it or leave it--no need to be defensive.
THANK YOU twin!
"Then Jodi response was anything but well intentioned asking if it was genetic."
It IS genetic! I wasn't asking - I was stating!
And her responses on the matter would lead me to believe that she could very well be on spectrum herself. It is her "tic" so to speak. She is fixated on it -- the way a young Asperger's boy would be fixated on trains, for example. I was NOT being snide. Not sure whether that makes it better, or worse, but just wanted to make sure I wasn't misunderstood!
I don't mind auntie. I get why people find her posts annoying, but, at the same time, I think she offers a good perspective that most of us don't have. She has been navigating the educational water with her son for a long time and her experience and knowledge is valuable, IMO.
I'm not saying no one should be annoyed or that they should always take her advice. I just think there is value in having her perspective on this board, even if people get irritated with her posts/tone/whatever.
I've thought this exactly.
"I just think there is value in having her perspective on this board, even if people get irritated with her posts/tone/whatever."
FWIW, ITA with you on this. Doesn't mean I'm not annoyed by her. I'm CERTAINLY not questioning the information she gives.
Oh, I don't think she needs to quit posting or anything.
She just needs to back off a little. We get it..she's the expert. She makes me roll my eyes.
(and I truly do wonder what she thinks MY kids 'have'. I'm SURE we could come up with a diagnosis of SOME sort for Taylor..she's my most quirky child)
auntie or no auntie, I don't understand why people are so freaked out about "labeling." It's not like you have to wear your label like a scarlet letter or put it on the first line of your college application. If you as a parent, or your child's teachers, think there is something that warrants an evaluation, fear of a label is a real mistake in avoiding getting services for you kid.
I think her delivery can be off putting for sure, but as the mom of a kid with a difference (and a WAY different diagnosis than aspergers or ADHD or things auntie is familiar with on a personal level), I have found her input to be valuable. She has been navigating school services, insurance, etc for much longer than most of us with significantly younger kids have. This stuff is complicated, opaque and fraught with emotion. I am happy to have her jumping in, even if she does occasionally rush to pathologize what could just be normal slowness or quirkiness.
Well, I think you know that no one is the Nest police and gets to dictate how and when other people should respond. If you put it out there, you don't get to control the responses.
I don't think what she said to Jodie was diagnosing Joey with Aspergers at all. She was just saying that maybe some additional professional input was warranted to see if a learning disability or attention issue was the root cause of Joey's struggles. If Joey were my kid, I'd be asking his teachers the same question. It could be that, or it could be that he'll catch up with what is going on now, or it could be all manner of things. None of us know. Jodie didn't seem like she knew, or she wouldn't have posted the entire story and looked for input.
Me too.
Having worked with remedial reading and SPED kids while I was teaching, I think I can answer this to a certain extent.
Getting a label can backfire with a LOT of kids. Instead of making use of the services to become their best selves, they and their parents start to use the label as a crutch and an excuse as to why the child can't do XYZ. They cease to even try to do things, simply because they think they can't.
Someone posted that some kids are just quirky and that's the way they are. I wholeheartedly agree with that. If you have a quirk or a difficulty doing something one way, it's often a character builder to find out that you can get it done a different way that is no less valid.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
If I'm being honest, this would be my main concern with a label.
"Getting a label can backfire with a LOT of kids. Instead of making use of the services to become their best selves, they and their parents start to use the label as a crutch and an excuse as to why the child can't do XYZ. They cease to even try to do things, simply because they think they can't."
I so fit that criteria, right?! I can see myself doing just this. And THAT scares me, for Joey.
In addition to that, for better or worse, labels have a negative connotation. And usually skew people's (ie. teachers) perspectives of the children. And cause AL's issue above to be even more compounded. "Eh, why bother with Joey? He is ADHD and can't freaking sit still. He is disruptive to class. etc, etc etc!" Sad - but true!
Jodie, sometimes I just want to shake you! You don't HAVE to do any of these things you say you'll do to sell your children short. Just be the parent you want to be. Or try and know that you did the best you could. But don't set out to fail or be apathetic. GAH!
I only have the perspective of having a 4.5 year old with a "label." She is too young to a) know her label and b) use it as a crutch. I certainly don't. And her teachers know about it, but they use it as helpful information to reach her in a way that works for her challenges rather than an excuse. I'm GLAD they know, because they subtly set her up to succeed, rather than unknowingly set her up to fail. IDK, I guess I can see so-called labels becoming this type of issue down the line, but with really young kids and parents with high expectations, I think you can advocate for your kid and ask that their teachers have equally high expectations of their abilities, while respecting their differences and challenges.
Not really talking about Joey specifically here, but I've seen it said before (probably by auntie) that if you don't provide a label and there is something significant going on, one will be provided for you, by teachers and peers, potentially more damaging than what is really going on ( i.e. your kid has a LD, but since it is unrecognized people just assume he's dumb, or whatever). So there is risk in avoiding it, too.
While I get where Auntie is coming from -- I'm forever wondering if I should suggest celiac disease or food allergies when I see picky eating posts-- I totally agree with you dandr. If I ever start diagnosing every other kid with celiac disease, please call me out.
Ladies, consider yourselves fortunate that you can roll your eyes at the "alarmist" nature of Auntie's posts... for far too many of us, she's the starting point for a very harrowing journey into the world of special needs, and there's a whole group of Nesties grateful to have her as a resource. Frankly, I'd much rather receive one of her "long-winded" responses loaded with frank, useful information about my concerns than a bunch of ((((hugs)))). That crap, while well-intentioned, doesn't help me or my daughter.
FWIW, auntie, I actually enjoy your posts. I think you add a lot of value to this community and I hope you continue on as you have been.
I know that if I ever have a concern about either of my children in these areas, you'd be the first person I'd page/PM. And I know if I had any questions about an IEP or services, it'd be the same.
I appreciate your insight - so stick around!
AGREE!!
To be fair, I don't think anyone here was arguing against the value Auntie brings to the board. I completely agree with you that Auntie would be the first person I would look to for advice if I was facing concerns in the Autism/Asperger's/LD area. She's clearly VERY knowledgeable and I welcome her expertise when it's needed.
Having said all of that, it can't be denied that she does sometimes jump the gun and expresses the possibility of delays in posts where it is not necessarily warranted and even at times seems out of context. It doesn't mean that we don't like her, don't appreciate her advice, or think she's off her rocker.
I was just going to say (but she already did) that I don't think she diagnoses every kid; it's just that she only speaks up if she feels there is need for evaluation/concern, or has a related experience to share.
As for her writing, most of us only wish we had that sort of articulation and wordsmithing skill. Her posts may be long, but she actually manages to be very succinct considering the complexity of the issues. The fact that she writes like a professional is no reason to give her grief.
but -- auntie replied to a post about a child struggling in school and how things were going downhill. Her response is logical. If the post was about Christmas gifts for 5yr olds, would she tell you to get an evaluation?
And I don't know nire personally or anything, but I think I've seen posts on here where she has (very helpfully) reminded others not to ignore red flags regarding abuse. I would want her expertise if I posted something is going on with my kid that led in that direction. Anyways, beating poor dead horse, but the SPED journey is a bitttch and anything helps.
I guess what I'm saying is that I think in this community where you get a variety of opinions and the default answer is "oh hugs! there's a wide range of normal, don't worry, etc." it is nice to have at least one voice that offers another perspective even if you think it is jumping the gun sometimes. I think auntie only offers advice when she genuinely thinks something from what the person has posted - I don't think she's fixated on labels or Asbergers or anything like that. So - my point is that I think that even if it rubs people the wrong way, it is always valuable to see the other side when we're questioning what is going on with our kids.
I'm sure that's easy for me to say b/c I've never had a response about my kids from Auntie, but I'd like to think that even if I was initially all WTF, I would at least take what she said into consideration.
I like information - I like differing viewpoints. When I post here, I'm looking for advice, or info from people who bring a wide variety of opinions and experiences to the table. Some people aren't looking for that, and that's fine. I just think that, for me (and likely some others), auntie brings another perspective that is really valuable since no one else has her experience and expertise.