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Parenting
Met with Joey's teacher today...
oy vey! 
She's great, thank goodness. We shared some laughs and she told me "Boy, you really do know your son! You just described exactly the Joey that I see in here!" (For some reason, that made me feel warm and fuzzy. But I guess I should feel more like "Duh! Of course I know my son!" LOL!)
Anyway - he's behind. Really behind. We discussed how I started him at 5, almost 6 and she said "That was a really wise thing you did!"
She said he zones out in class. And that if he ever does raise his hand, she calls on him every time for the answer (in an attempt to build his confidence but the truth of the matter is, he doesn't raise his hand often! )
I told her I feel as though we have sent him in to the battlefield with no ammunition. And that makes me feel really bad! And that I should have focused more and been more involved in kindergarten but I was still of the "Eh, it's just kindergarten! He'll do fine!" mode and well, here he is....2.5 months in to 1st and he's not "doing fine!"
She said he has progressed since September (good news) but he has a long way to go. And it's going to take a lot of work on his part and our part. He is missing his group math discussion every other day (he IS there for the instructional part but is not there for the "putting it in practice" part every other day) since he is being pulled for remedial reading. However she feels that he is just so far behind in math, that being pulled for that time is NOT the issue. He just does not have a solid grasp on #'s -- so therefore, how can we expect him to count by 5's, do tally marks, etc.
So he has his very own math workbook now. She is still going to send him the work that the class is doing but she is considering that a bonus at this point. She would rather he do a sheet out of the workbook every night (she will mark which one) and then if I feel he can do the one the class is doing (or if he wants to do it) then go ahead. But he will be "graded" on the workbook until we feel he is caught up.
He will still go to remedial reading. She said she thinks there might be a speech issue (ugh, more of my "it will correct itself" laxadazical attitude!). So he is going to be assessed for that as well. He mixes up his L's and N's and he says his L's like W's. And sometimes his Y's like W's (Yellow = Wellow).
So we have a LONG ROAD ahead of us. I told her how his sister is only one year behind him and that was a reservation of mine when I sent him a year late to K because now, if he stays back, they are in the same grade. She was surprised (at least that was my impression) that I even brought that up as her response was "Would you *even* consider that?" I told her that I don't want him to continue to struggle (and continue to do the year's past work every year) so we would assess later in the year (which she agreed with) but if it was determined to be in his best interest, then yes, I would consider.
I must admit though - the thought made me cry!
So, lots of work. Very little time (both nightly and just in general - he should already have these concepts and he doesn't)!
All in all, a great meeting. Just wish it was about how they think my kid is advanced and might need to be bumped up to 2nd grade! LOL But alas, we'll get there!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Met with Joey's teacher today...
((hugs)) sweetie. I'm sorry. Keep your chin up. You can't focus on the past, just the present.
(and no, my post the other day had nothing to do with you!)
Help at home now will be the best thing. Keep at it!
And the "wellow" type of speech is not THAT strange. Sounds like he is behind still in speech, but if that sounds is in a word, they sometimes replace another letter with that sound (My sister said "Lellow", but she did not say "Les" for yes. I'm assuming he doesn't say "Wes."
Reading is really, really important at this age. If they make it to 2nd and still have a hard time, it is extremely hard to catch up. But they can catch up easier in 1st grade.
You have a lot of time before you need to make any decisions about holding him back. And now that you've identified the areas to focus on, I'll bet he'll make a lot of progress.
Don't beat yourself up about being relaxed - there's no way of knowing if working with him more would have made any difference. You're doing something now and that's what matters.
It sounds like she really cares about him and she must be so relieved to discover that he has parents "on her side" and happy to accept the extra help. I'll bet Joey won't zone out as much when he understands more of what is being discussed. It will get better - keep at it!
Our neighbor, who was a home-ec teacher for 30+ years, might tutor Joey 3 days a week.
While not an early education teacher, she is stern and I think he will listen to her. She is also an adult, lives right next door, LOVES my son and will have way more patience than I would. SOOOO....I'm home on Mondays so she is going to take him for 30 minutes on Monday (he gets out of school at 2:45 so he will come home, have a snack and then she will take him from 3:30-4). On Wednesdays and Fridays, she is going to pick him up from school at 2:45 and he will stay with her until 3:30 (and then Joe's mom will come take him until Joe gets home). He normally goes to an after school program on Wed but we are going to eliminate that day and only send him on Tues/Thurs and use the money that we did spend on Wed afternoons to pay her to tutor him. I'm not sure she will even take money and this was all discussed between her and Joe so I need to talk to her about it. But I figure if I work with him at night, she works with him three days a week for 30 minutes and then the teacher works with him, we can probably get him caught up (or at least on the right track)!!
I am also wondering if there is something medically "wrong" with him. Tonight, for example, he was trying to write 18. He was SAYING 18. But every time, he would write a 9. I would say "Is that an eight? What # is that?" He would answer that it's a 9. He KNOWS it's a 9. He was SAYING 18. But he kept writing a 9. It's like there is a disconnect between his brain and his hand. ?!?!!
This. I am glad the teacher is willing to help Joey. I wish you nothing but the best!
"I'll bet Joey won't zone out as much when he understands more of what is being discussed"
Oh yea, I forgot to mention this in the novel I just wrote! LOL
We both agree that he is zoning b/c he just doesn't understand the material. She might as well be speaking Russian -- so he just zones.
He is such a hard worker, in general. And such a sweet, funny boy. It just kills me that he is having a hard time. He told me today "mommy, I have more homework than the rest of the kids. I have to learn alot because I'm the lowest in the class!" 
I asked her about that and she has not said anything about being the lowest in the class (even though he likely is, she presented it to me that he is "on the lower end!"). But he said that b/c she showed him his new workbook and told him that she was meeting with me tonight and was going to go over that, the # chart and the ABC chart (w/sounds) that he was going to have to practice at home. So he's very perceptive as well. I don't want him to hate school and MOST importantly, I don't want him to be disappointed in himself. That pains me to the point of tears!
If you are going to spend money on a tutor, find someone who has early childhood or elementary experience. Ask the school for rec's, or his current teacher. Look into local services. Try to find someone who uses research-based methods and materials. If he's having trouble now, he probably needs someone who has some experience with kids his age who are struggling and has a bag of tricks for getting his attention, keeping it, and helping him learn. Whatever exposure he's had isn't sinking in, and he will benefit most from someone who has a plan, is consistent, and can show both you and him the progress he makes. (I'm a tutor, and I always feel awful for parents who come to me after throwing money away on people who don't really help the situation their children are in.)
Some websites you might want to look at / have Joey look at & play with:
starfall.com
ixlmath.com
brainpop.com
Has he had a comprehensive evaluation? Including ruling out any attention issues?
Substitutions in number writing makes me think of dyslexia (actually, it makes me think of dyscalculia) and issues with short term (working) memory.
Articulation issues seem less urgent. Don't let them pile him up with articulation services.
{{{hugs}}} It sounds like she is very proactive and things are at least moving in the right direction.
My brother ended up being held back in the 2nd grade and he is now 32 years old and smart as a whip (has a Genius IQ). IF and that is a big IF Joey ends up needing to be held back it is not the worst thing in the world.
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
I agree mostly. I think this website copies the main research-based reading programs. All will recommend some pretty intense frequency.
https://www.fcrr.org/fcrrreports/creportscs.aspx?rep=supp
If she wants to see him to do one thing, like help him get organized or just work some fun number manipulatives -- and it's free -- I'd say go for it.
This.
The good news is that he's getting the assistance he needs early. With some extra time and effort, there's a good chance he'll be completely caught up by the time he's in 2nd or 3rd grade.
All due respect, auntie, but I don't think there's reason to suspect a learning disability just yet. Pursuing testing now would be expensive and time consuming, and the discrepancy is so hard to show in kids his age. I think this is more a question of her DS needing exposure to the concepts, and perhaps a multiple intelligences / learning style assessment to find out how to best reach him.
Jodi - don't freak out!
Just look into a more qualified tutor so that the time spent with one is worthwhile.
Jodi, I just want to address the holding him back part, if that's a route you decide to take.
We held my SS, who is now 14, back in the 1st grade. He was struggling. The teacher and guidance counselor told us if that is something that needs to be done, the earlier the better. If you wait, it can do more damage than good to their self esteem. The best thing we ever did for my son is have him repeat. It really helped him get a better grasp of things.
He now make honor roll almost every semester.
Auntie - I understood about 1/3 of what you said.
And the 1/3 I understood was overwhelming and overly dramatic.
Holy Aspergers lingo batman!!
It is hereditary and I often wonder if your "fixation" on it is your personal tic. You seem to have let it consume your every thought. Or is that just the perception you put out here!?
Not EVERYONE has Aspergers. Or ADHD. Or dyslexia or the other 3 D diagnoses that your son has. I think you need to tune it down a bit. But I'm sure you know this. I love how you spread your "intelligence" around here. Most of the time, I find it enjoyable and look forward to your different perspectives. As of late, I have found it annoying and OTT, at best.
A-freaking-men.
If his school does have access to the Read180 program, see if he can do some work with it. Despite -auntie-'s clear disdain for it, the program does work.
I taught Read180 for 3 years to 6th-8th graders. During that time, 85% of my students showed improvement of at least one grade level, most 2-3 levels. Some of my 6th graders were reading at a PreK level and were around the 2nd-3rd grade level once they had been through the program.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you! This is exactly what I needed to hear. All of it!
I appreciate the support and knowledge that everyone has offered through this whole "ordeal" -- I know, all in all, he will be fine! He WILL get this and things will be fine. My MAIN concern is not the academics (of course that is important to me but I'm still of the mindset that he WILL get it -- it may just take longer than others) but it's his self esteem/confidence, etc. I do NOT want him to be disappointed in himself. He did TWO math assignments last night - he had already done the class one with me before I went to the meeting and then he did the new workbook one. And he read TWO books to me last night. I was/am so hugely proud of him for the work he put in yesterday - and I told him as such when I was saying goodnight to him. I just hope that MY message resonates with him and erases any of the doubt he is/maybe feeling!
Jodie, I wouldn't rule out what auntie is saying just because it contains a lot of lingo and scary recommendations or you are put off by the delivery.
I know how hard it is to see your kid struggle. My DD is motor delayed and has been basically since birth. She's on an IEP now for occupational and physical therapy, and we are having a really tough time with her being really angry about needing services and recognizing her deficits and how it's not fair that she has to struggle to do things that come easily and naturally to other kids. It sucks. BUT, I am SO very glad that I didn't let that difficulty and my own pride get in the way of getting her services that I truly believe will help her be the best version of herself, increase her confidence, and, in the best case scenario, catch up to her peers.
If Joey were my kid, I'd be looking into having him evaluated. Maybe there is an attention or learning disability issue there that can be address now, while he's young, and set him up for success down the line. Or maybe not, but I think it's worth checking into. I think there are a lot of things you could potentially be doing before you need to worry about holding him back. Just ask the school, or even check into doing it privately.
And stop blaming yourself. Now you know. So now is the time to act with Joey's best interests in mind, put aside your pride and any regrets, and move forward with helping him. Hugs. It totally stinks to have to work with your kid on things rather than just enjoying them and school, but it stinks more to have a kid who feels like they aren't smart, or whose self-esteem is damaged because learning issues went unaddressed.
"Jodie, I wouldn't rule out what auntie is saying just because it contains a lot of lingo and scary recommendations or you are put off by the delivery."
Trust me when I tell you that I do absorb everything that is said here to me. I digest it and mull it over. Probably moreso than I should. So while I disagree with her ALWAYS turning to freaking Aspergers and every other damn diagnosis she spouts off about, I do know (as I said in a previous post) that this very well COULD be a learning disability or other disability. And I will address that and most likely will have him evaluated (I just need to do some research on that part of it).
Thanks for your other input too!
I'm sorry that she is feeling singled out. 
Such a tender situation. He already feels a bit outcasted b/c he has a nut allergy and it's just him and one other boy that eat lunch together. Every day. Because they are the only two with the nut allergy. He is starting to notice those differences. I just hope I'm equipped to help him handle those properly.
I'm pretty sure Auntie has a diagnosis for EVERY nestie kid...seriously. EVERY child she ever comes in contact with has SOME sort of label...she's GREAT at labeling......
Amen R! Well said.
"Some of my 6th graders were reading at a PreK level and were around the 2nd-3rd grade level once they had been through the program."
OMG! That makes me so sad! How does a kid get to 6th grade with only reading at that level??
I guess I shouldn't be surprised since I have a friend that graduated high school without being able to read!
This! I almost typed out something similar before she did. Having a differenting ability isn't bad or wrong. If he is struggling it makes sense to do testing to see if there is a root cause. Why sell him short if you can do something to help?
Hugs Jodi!
I don't think it hurts to explore the possibility that there might be something else going on, but I'm not sure I'd personally feel like it's necessary right now. You said yourself that you don't feel like academics were really emphasized up to this point, and it could be that you and Joey are both just surprised and overwhelmed by how academic and challenging first grade is these days. There's a good chance that with some interventions and extra work at home, he can catch up. Like a PP said, it's hard to diagnose ADD or other issues at this age because they're so young, and boys especially can have lower attention spans because we don't tend to expect them to sit still and be quiet the way girls so often do. There's only so far "behind" a kid can be when they're only in first grade, and that's a good thing! Catch it now and see how things are going midway through the year, after a few months of intervention. If no difference is being seen, THEN I'd maybe look into whether there are other factors involved.
I can tell you this from personal experience: I've had kindergarteners who came in with ZERO knowledge of numbers, letters, sounds, etc. and almost all of them left right on grade level. As long as a child is ready to learn and there are no underlying factors that complicate things, all it usually takes is a good teacher and an involved set of parents to help them succeed. I had a 2nd grader start this year at a kindergarten reading level, and she's already up to an end-of-1st grade level after less than 3 months. Obviously, that kind of progress can't happen if there are undiagnosed learning disabilities etc. that are hindering the child's learning, but I just want you to know that it's totally possible Joey could be a huge success story by the end of this year. Work hard at it, try to keep it fun and casual at home, give him tons of praise, and see what happens.
As far as him having to do more work than his classmates, maybe compare it to sports (basketball players who are 6'5" have to work a lot harder at dunking than 7'6" centers do...players who are great at rebounding may have a really hard time with free throws and need to practice much more than their teammates...etc.) so he knows that sometimes it's not always "fair" how much people have to work at something to be good at it. The things that are hardest for us make us feel the most proud when we finally succeed!
Kiwi Fruit, 10.2.06 & Ellie Bug, 4.5.09
My blog: Bear With Us
Ideas on Teaching Your Toddler/Preschooler at Home
"The things that are hardest for us make us feel the most proud when we finally succeed!"
Ain't that the truth! Thanks Cubby!
Joey has his annual well visit on 11/28. If I don't see progress (or his teacher doesn't) by that time, I will speak to the pedi about having him evaluated and reach out to them for the necessary resources. I think that is fair - and gives Joey the opportunity (with our support and work) to make improvements. It's about 6 weeks from now. My impression, from his teacher, is she is expecting him to make improvements as soon as two weeks from now (we have a follow up conference on 10/28). Not sure if that is setting us/him up for failure but we will see how some more parental involvement, and some "easier" math/reading lessons go towards making that improvement.
Thanks to all (yes, incl. Auntie) for the thoughts and support!
Jodi, they made it through the system that way because they slipped through the cracks. They got promoted because parents insisted on it or they were just given a social promotion so that they wouldn't fail 2 grades in a row.
My kids were almost entirely on the free lunch program. The poverty led to constant moves from school to school. If one teacher noticed an issue and tried to address it, often the kid's parents moved to a different catchment area because they couldn't pay the rent or got a different job and the whole process started all over again.
I was really proud of the progress they made because they did it in spite of the challenges. I wouldn't let them get away with "I can't."
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008