Response time from Pre-K teacher

hterry85

We had SS parent teacher conference last Tuesday. Wed afternoon DH emailed his teacher about some concerns that came up. He hasn't gotten a response. We're giving her the benefit of the doubt since conferences went through Friday, and we're hoping with the abnormal schedule she just hasn't gotten around to it. What do you consider a standard response time when getting a reply from a teacher?

angelakh

DD's is pretty good - usually 24 hours or so.  She may be getting bombarded though with conferences.  Is it possible that she got back to SS's bm and not your DH?  If it isn't urgent then I would give it a week and then email/call again.

hterry85

DH and BM had seperate conferences, so I don't think it would be an issue like that...we're actually afraid she's avoiding answering all together.

See, DH and BM were never married, so SS last name is hyphonated...DH last name - BM maiden name. SS is doing finr writing his first name, so they were going to start working on his last name (this week). The teacher said she has already discussed it with the principal and they had decided they were only going to work on BMs part of the last name...yeah. DH let the teacher know right away he wasn't happy with that (he spent 8 months and a quite a bit of $ going to court to get SS last name hyphonated after he was born) but was going to work with him on our last name at home. But once we thought it through this is just not ok, and probably even more confusing for SS.

KathrynMD

Of course that's going to take awhile for the teacher to get back to you on.

You are inserting your custody-related drama into what letters she teaches your SS and if your DH and the BM can't get along long enough to have a joint conference w/a PRE-SCHOOL teacher of course its going to take her and the principal/director to figure out how to appropriately respond to your concerns.

 

hterry85

KathrynMD:

Of course that's going to take awhile for the teacher to get back to you on.

You are inserting your custody-related drama into what letters she teaches your SS and if your DH and the BM can't get along long enough to have a joint conference w/a PRE-SCHOOL teacher of course its going to take her and the principal/director to figure out how to appropriately respond to your concerns.

 

Thanks. Just for the record, BM is the one who insisted on seperate conferences, and also the one who insists her son uses only her maiden name...even though it's not even her last name anymore.

I completely understand that the teacher got her direction from the principal and will need to revisit the issue with him. But I feel like the common response would have been something like -

I understand your concern and will discuss it with Mr. P. One of us should be in contact with you by x.

Isn't that the professional way to handle it? I'm not asking for a time frame for the issue to be resolved, just awknowledged.

KathrynMD

hterry85:

KathrynMD:

Of course that's going to take awhile for the teacher to get back to you on.

You are inserting your custody-related drama into what letters she teaches your SS and if your DH and the BM can't get along long enough to have a joint conference w/a PRE-SCHOOL teacher of course its going to take her and the principal/director to figure out how to appropriately respond to your concerns.

 

Thanks. Just for the record, BM is the one who insisted on seperate conferences, and also the one who insists her son uses only her maiden name...even though it's not even her last name anymore.

I completely understand that the teacher got her direction from the principal and will need to revisit the issue with him. But I feel like the common response would have been something like -

I understand your concern and will discuss it with Mr. P. One of us should be in contact with you by x.

Isn't that the professional way to handle it? I'm not asking for a time frame for the issue to be resolved, just awknowledged.

meh - maybe they aren't even comfortable acknowledging it yet.  Regardless of who's being the instigator of the separate conferences, maiden name only, etc. the SS and now teacher are in the cross hairs.  I'm sure even if your SS only learns the BMs' last name at this point, he'll know what his full name is at some point.  Can you show the teacher/school your custody arrangement?  Isn't there some legally binding document that has the kid's legal name on it? 

hterry85

KathrynMD:

meh - maybe they aren't even comfortable acknowledging it yet.  Regardless of who's being the instigator of the separate conferences, maiden name only, etc. the SS and now teacher are in the cross hairs.  I'm sure even if your SS only learns the BMs' last name at this point, he'll know what his full name is at some point.  Can you show the teacher/school your custody arrangement?  Isn't there some legally binding document that has the kid's legal name on it? 

At the beginning of the year BM made us give the school copies of everything if we were to be involved at all...they wouldn't even tell us if he was in AM/PM prek until DH proved he had joint custody. So yes, they already have a copy of the document showing when the last name was changed.

I don't blame the teacher at all...our assumption is that either BM pushed the issue with the teacher at her conference, prompting the teacher to discuss it with the principal, or BM went straight to the principal (as she did before the school year started) and that is where the teacher got her direction. Believe it or not, we don't want to come across pushy, we just want to make sure it's handled correctly. Thats why I was asking when would be a good time frame to expect a response.

kmhunt11

Whew- glad I'm not that teacher!

If she hasn't responded tomorrow, I'd call or talk to her at drop off/pick up time.  Just a simple "Had you had time to consider DH's email from last week?"  I know sometimes an email comes from a parent that I need to think about, and next thing I know it's a few days later.  I have a 3 year old and a husband and other stuff going on.  Yes it's her job to get back to you, but she's also human.  She might say "Whoops I forgot!", or "I haven't had a chance to put my brain toward that yet but will get back to you soon" or something different entirely.   At this point, a reminder would be appropriate but please, please, please be understanding about it It sounds like you are so far.

hterry85

kmhunt11:

Whew- glad I'm not that teacher!

If she hasn't responded tomorrow, I'd call or talk to her at drop off/pick up time.  Just a simple "Had you had time to consider DH's email from last week?"  I know sometimes an email comes from a parent that I need to think about, and next thing I know it's a few days later.  I have a 3 year old and a husband and other stuff going on.  Yes it's her job to get back to you, but she's also human.  She might say "Whoops I forgot!", or "I haven't had a chance to put my brain toward that yet but will get back to you soon" or something different entirely.   At this point, a reminder would be appropriate but please, please, please be understanding about it It sounds like you are so far.

Thanks. I genuinely do feel bad for the teacher...this is actually her very first year teaching. As I said, we initially wern't going to push it and just work with him on our own. But this is the school he will now be in through the 6th grade (pending a move or something) so we felt like if we let it go now we would lose any ground to stand on in future years as far as having his full name used.

None of our visits start before 4 pm, so BM made darn sure DH (or I) cannot pick him up from school. As you can see this stems from a much larger borderline parental alienation issue.

Thanks for your input ladies...and I promise to keep our family drama on the blended board as much as possible

akayf

She should have gotten back to you at least to acknowledge she got the email.  

  And if the hyponated name is on the BC, then shame on the teacher and shame on the principal for agreeing with BM that he should only learn her maiden name.    SS should be learning the name that is on his BC-that is his legal name,   If it is John Smith-Jones on the BC, he should be learning John Smith-Jones, not John Smith, not John Jones.    Just like my son Danny is learning how to write Daniel instead of Danny.  You learn the legal name....what is on the BC.  

jsugrin

Less than 24 hours is standard for us but I've never been faced with much of a hard issue either.  I think that a week if more, more than enough time for her to have acknowledged DH's email at least, you're correct that that would be the professional way to handle it.  Of course the fact that you tell me it's a 1st year pre-school teacher tells me she's probably totally freaked out about the confrontation (not saying you're creating one).

I agree with you that SS should learn his entire name, and if anything with a hyphenated name shouldn't it be the part that comes first?   I would follow up with the teacher and let her know that you understand that dealing with divorced parents is difficult and you don't want to make the situation more so but that SS needs to learn his legal name and that in the future all parties would be best served by soliciting parental input prior to going to her principal.  She really took the chicken way out by trying to pin it on him, as if he has the authority to make such a decision anyway. 

akayf

jsugrin:

Less than 24 hours is standard for us but I've never been faced with much of a hard issue either.  I think that a week if more, more than enough time for her to have acknowledged DH's email at least, you're correct that that would be the professional way to handle it.  Of course the fact that you tell me it's a 1st year pre-school teacher tells me she's probably totally freaked out about the confrontation (not saying you're creating one).

I agree with you that SS should learn his entire name, and if anything with a hyphenated name shouldn't it be the part that comes first?   I would follow up with the teacher and let her know that you understand that dealing with divorced parents is difficult and you don't want to make the situation more so but that SS needs to learn his legal name and that in the future all parties would be best served by soliciting parental input prior to going to her principal.  She really took the chicken way out by trying to pin it on him, as if he has the authority to make such a decision anyway. 

I wouldn't give her a pass just because she's a 1st year teacher.   This is common sense.   You go by the kid's legal name.     If a parent came in and said "We call him Boo-boo at home so you need to call him that and teach him to write that" the teacher should tell the parent "No we teach the legal name"(and yes, in one of the classes I worked in a parent actually expected us to call her son Boo-boo.  Then a couple years later, she expected her daughter's teacher to call her Tiny)

 I can understand the teacher wanting to talk to her principal now that is has become an issue.   But it never should have been an issue in the first place.   If the teacher was unsure what to do or how to deal with the request when the BM first brought this up and then went to her mentor or her principal for advice, I totally understand that.  I would have done the same.  "Hey, Mr. P, so and so's mom thinks so and so should not have to learn both of his last names.   What is the school policy on that?   What do I do?"   

However, for the school to decide he should not be learning his legal name, as I said before shame on them.    If they had done the right thing when the BM made her request, this wouldn't be an issue.   So if she's worried now about the confrontation, tough.   She created the mess by agreeing to the BM's demand.   So now she has to deal with it.

the_jackpot

Your issue aside I think that I would expect a response within the first full work day after conferences. I don't think it is that difficult to tell you that she received your email and values your input. If she doesn't plan on "teaching" the hyphenated name but she uses/recognizes it it would be fine with me. I don't see why she would be teaching the whole name without the hyphenation though. In my son's class they write their first and last name as letter practice anyway. So I wouldn't want them to spend eons teaching him to write "Smith" but if he knows how to write the letters that comprise his name I would be fine reinforcing "Smith" at home, kwim. 

Have dh send an email seeing if she got the first one. I teach and I know that sometimes some messages get lost in the sauce  

jsugrin

akayf:

jsugrin:

Less than 24 hours is standard for us but I've never been faced with much of a hard issue either.  I think that a week if more, more than enough time for her to have acknowledged DH's email at least, you're correct that that would be the professional way to handle it.  Of course the fact that you tell me it's a 1st year pre-school teacher tells me she's probably totally freaked out about the confrontation (not saying you're creating one).

I agree with you that SS should learn his entire name, and if anything with a hyphenated name shouldn't it be the part that comes first?   I would follow up with the teacher and let her know that you understand that dealing with divorced parents is difficult and you don't want to make the situation more so but that SS needs to learn his legal name and that in the future all parties would be best served by soliciting parental input prior to going to her principal.  She really took the chicken way out by trying to pin it on him, as if he has the authority to make such a decision anyway. 

I wouldn't give her a pass just because she's a 1st year teacher.   This is common sense.   You go by the kid's legal name.     If a parent came in and said "We call him Boo-boo at home so you need to call him that and teach him to write that" the teacher should tell the parent "No we teach the legal name"(and yes, in one of the classes I worked in a parent actually expected us to call her son Boo-boo.  Then a couple years later, she expected her daughter's teacher to call her Tiny)

 I can understand the teacher wanting to talk to her principal now that is has become an issue.   But it never should have been an issue in the first place.   If the teacher was unsure what to do or how to deal with the request when the BM first brought this up and then went to her mentor or her principal for advice, I totally understand that.  I would have done the same.  "Hey, Mr. P, so and so's mom thinks so and so should not have to learn both of his last names.   What is the school policy on that?   What do I do?"   

However, for the school to decide he should not be learning his legal name, as I said before shame on them.    If they had done the right thing when the BM made her request, this wouldn't be an issue.   So if she's worried now about the confrontation, tough.   She created the mess by agreeing to the BM's demand.   So now she has to deal with it.

Did you even read my response?  I think it's pretty obvious that I'm not giving the teacher a pass, simply stating the fact that she sounds like a first year who's in over her head without the confidence that comes with having dealt with such things a few times. I fully agreed with the OP that SS should be learning his legal name and flat out stated the teacher took the chicken way out :::shakes head::: not sure why you felt the need to get snotty with me.