question about LO's last names...

captainobvious12

still working up the courage to stop lurking and make a formal introduction...please be patient with me.  

for those of you who broke up while still pregnant or those of you who were unmarried and ended up breaking up after LO was born: did you give LO your last name or their fathers?  any regrets/insight/advice?

dsmithplus2

I'm not divorced. Just lurking around while I have a free moment at work... I am not really a person who has been in this situation but I would like to give you my opinion.

 IF I was dating someone & got pregnant but we broke up before the baby was born - I would give the baby my last name UNLESS the father was involved... Then I would give baby his last name. If we broke up after the baby was born - baby would probably had dads name since I would've been with him when baby was born. Now, if we split and he was no longer in child's life, I would probably legally change baby's last name to mine.

I guess it really depends on your relationship with father & fathers relationship with child. GL! 

PrettyInPearls23

I'm divorced, so DS kept XH's last name (as did I).

However, if I was PG and unmarried, I would not give my child the father's last name. You have no idea what the future holds -- even if he's involved now or claims he's going to be involved when the LO comes, you just never know. It's far easier to change LO's name to the father's name down the road  than it is to try to change it to your name.

Raspberry807

We were not married but were together for 7 years... We gave both of our kids his last name because we were together when they were born.

The kids know I have a different last name than they do, and that we weren't married... it doesn't seem to bother them, in fact DD is very good about correcting teachers and other parents if they call me by his last name.

mdotm0904

not married, only dated for 10months before getting pregnant. We broke up shortly after i found out i was pregnant. I gave DD my last name & I don't regret a minute of it. I regret letting him bully me into trying to give her his last name during my pregnancy. & i regret allowing the opinions of others to make me feel bad about my choice to give her my last name. I had even compromised and decided I was going to hyphenate (even though I wasn't completely sold on the idea), until it came time to fill out the papers in the hospital and I changed my mind. I don't know if he'll petition the courts to have it changed, but i must say, it feels lovely to have a child with the same last name as mine. (it's not a big deal to some people, but to me, it mattered).

achase123

I hyphenated but I regret it. I would've preferred to just give DS my last name only as I went back to my maiden name after we divorced (we split when I was eight months pregnant).  I think I was still intimidated by him at the time.

Snowypumpkinqueen

LO's last name is going to be after me.

Cookie Monster Mama

I don't even know if I'm "allowed" to post over here or not b/c I'm not a single mom.  I am a EOW and 2.5hr on Tuesday's SM.  SS is 14 and my DS is 22 months.

DH and BM were never married.  When she got pg she told him that if he wanted their son to have his last name he had to marry her - he said he's not going to do that.  She was devastated.

We got married when SS was 8 (I'd been around since since he was 2).  We have a DS that's 22 months.  The three of us have DH's last name and SS has his mom's - and I'm THRILLED!    For some last names and male legacies/last names don't matter; for me they matter a lot do.  It will be interesting when SS and DS both go on to have families and they will be my husband's grandsons with different last names.  Again, to some this matters to some it doesn't.

Now, BM got pg by a different man when SS was 3 and he did marry her.  That child has his last name.  They were divorced two years later and he hasn't seen the child since.  So she has one son (SS) that has a very active dad that pays his $1K in c/s a month and sees him on visitation and extra when he's in town and active in his schooling that does NOT have his last name.  And she has another son that does have his dad's last name and hasn't seen or spoken to his kid in 10 years.  Also, BM's parent's were never married.  I didn't know this.  At SS's birhtday parties for YEARS I called this man Mr. BM"S LAST NAME.  It wasn't until a few years ago that DH told me that wasn't his last name - she has her mom's last name.

My parents divorced when I was very young.  My mom kept my Dad's last name (not sure my dad was too thrilled about that but he understood).  She got remarried when I left for college.  She is still called by my maiden name (dad's last name) by my school friends. 

I know that if I was pg and not married I would NOT give the child the dad's last name.  I will make my family and give my family my last name b/c we a family unit.

KBugsMom

My daughter has her dad's last name- we didn't end up getting married- and it has been seven weeks now since he has had any contact with her- his name isn't on her birth certificate b/c in SC since we were not married and he lost his wallet and didn't have a photo ID his name couldn't be added - my father passed away a year ago, and my LO is the only grandchild in my family- my older brother (and the last male of our entire family is a helicopter pilot in the military and has no children) so I have decided to change her last name to mine.... I thought of hyphenating, but since he's totally ducked out, I'm planning on changing her last name to mine only- and I'm planning on keeping my maiden name even if I get married in the future.

I would give the LO your last name- if Dad steps up, you can always change it later- but that's my opinion, you do whats best for you and your LO! 

turtle1120

Ex and I broke up when I was pregnant and I gave DD my last name.  I was going to give her my last name even if we were still together and weren't married.  There's not a second that I regret it.  I'm the one she's always with and I always take her to the doctor and will be doing all school stuff, etc. for her.  It would make no sense for her to have his last name.  He doesn't like it, but there's not a thing he can do about it.

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