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WTH is wrong with my MIL? (long)

dragonflyinndragonflyinn
in Multiples

I have posted before that my great aunt who is really like a grandma to me is very sick with cancer.  Unfortunately, she has taken a very quick turn for the worse and we are not sure she will make it to the weekend.  My mom who watches the boys on M and F mornings and all day W is leaving on a red eye tonight to try to make it to her before she passes.

I called my MIL who watches the boys on M and F afternoons to see if she could take the boys all day tomorrow.  My MIL cannot handle the boys by herself and even though she only watches them for four hours she has FIL come over for half the time.  I knew this before I called her so I called my other grandma (fathers mom) and asked her to drive down 2 hours from her house and help MIL with the boys tomorrow.  Of course my grandma is THRILLED to do so and has been waiting all along for this opportunity.  

Anyway, so I tell my MIL that my great aunt (who she knows I am very close to) is basically going to die in the next few days, and I can't miss work tomorrow because I have patients scheduled, teach, and missed last week when I was sick, and could she be at our house all day and my grandma will be here so she won't be alone.  What is her response, not sorry to hear about your aunt, or is there anything you need?  NO she says, Wow Kristi that sure would be a long day for me.  WTH, maybe I am being too sensitive, but it is not like I am asking her to come over so I can go for a freaking spa day.  I told her that I was going to try and leave early if DH is not able too, but we would not be able to leave at noon it would be early afternoon.

Anyway, I am just upset about so many things today and feel so overwhelmed and am just so SO sad about my dear aunt and then I have to deal with her.  She drives me nuts, then again, maybe I am being overly sensitive because I am emotional about everything else.

Sorry this is so long, and thanks if you made it all the way through. 

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Re: WTH is wrong with my MIL? (long)

  • copwife08copwife08
    she sounds like a gem! I would have said never mind just come at your normal time then and I will try to make other arrangements for someone to be here to help my g-mom until you get here.
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  • RoAnt05RoAnt05
    First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your great aunt.  I will keep her and the rest of your family in my prayers.  As for MIL, I would be pissed off too.  Can your DH call her and talk some sense in to her? 
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  • lutzcowgirlielutzcowgirlie
    So sorry to hear about your great aunt.
     
    Your MIL is ... I'm looking for words they won't censor. I don't think you are being too sensitive. I think she is insensitive and self-absorbed. And I think I would remember this next time she needs a favor or support from you. But I'm feeling bitchy like that today.
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  • sweatersweater

    Oh sweety...I'm SO sorry to hear about your great aunt. I hope you and your family are able to find peace with it.

    Your MIL clearly has selfish blinders on...wow. You have every right to feel a hurt by her response. All you can do is vent it out and move on I guess.

    I just love it when parents make sure they let you know if they are inconvenienced in any way when helping out...come on!! Let's pledge to NEVER do that to our kids!

    ?BTW - I want to squeeze your boy's cheeks so bad!!?

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  • jooliagooliajooliagoolia

    I saw your other post too about your MIL. ?Honestly, I'd uninvite her from "helping". ?Too much trouble. ?It's her loss and if she does it for free you don't have much bargaining. ?Can Gma do it on her own? ?Maybe call friends to help for a few hours a day?

    ?

    Can you call an agency? ?They're $$$ but you'll get someone qualified and if it's only for a couple of days in a pinch, well worth it.?

    ?

    Your MIL sucks.?

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  • jodynjames2005jodynjames2005

    I'm sorry about your great aunt.

    No one in my family watches any of my kids, except for my dad who takes the older kids overnight once a month or so. My mom has literally only babysat maybe 6 times in my kids' entire lives. And they are 8, 8, and 10. I pretty much just do not expect anything from family, so I guess i'm just impressed that you have family to watch them that often to begin with!

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  • Mrs. DestructoMrs. Destructo member

    Oh no! I am so, so sorry to hear about your aunt. Can you fly out over the weekend to say goodbye?

    I don't know what to think about your MIL. Her response really was selfish, but I can't imagine she meant it to come out that way. It really sounds like she is completely overwhelmed with caring for the boys, and doesn't think she has it in her to safely care for them all day, and maybe she's trying to be nice but is trying to tell you that caring for the twins is just beyond her abilities.

     

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  • dragonflyinndragonflyinn

    I know you are right that she didn't mean it to come out that way.  I also realize that it is not her obligation to watch my boys regardless of the circumstances, but I just felt she was rather selfish in her reaction--and let's be honest, we have already had many differences.

    The weird thing is she offered to watch the boys "anytime" just as long as she had a helper with her, so I guess I was surprised that she acted like it was such a strange request.  I guess I shouldn't be surprised because she does that all the time.  "I am flexible, I can watch them anytime" and then when it comes down to it she is always weird about it. 

    I also think my initial reaction (And when I posted) I was just overly emotional about my aunt and her lack of caring about that situation.  Thankfully I have calmed down.

    Thank you all for your responses
     

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