confused

clichequeen

Is there anyone here who got separated or divorced while pregnant?

manda666

i'm going through a divorce right now (it actually will be final in a week! ), and am 10 wks preggo, but my BD is not my ex-husband...

clichequeen

i guess i'm wondering if being pregnant is a valid reason to hold off on making the decision on whether to continue with your marriage...

bobbi5342

I am pregnant and 95% sure I am going to file for divorce next week. It is the most difficult decision I've ever made.

ShanJosh777

clichequeen:

i guess i'm wondering if being pregnant is a valid reason to hold off on making the decision on whether to continue with your marriage...

I think this depends on your reasons. In the case of abuse or addictions, I think being pregnant would be the reason TO end your marriage. But if you are just going through a rough spot, I would wait it out and see how you adjust to life after baby.  

Annplus1

I am 27 weeks along and my STBXH is the father. He left our marriage when I was 10 weeks pregnant. My divorce will be final towards the end of November. We were married for 4 years, together for 10.

 I agree with ShanJosh. If you have a relationship with the three A's (abuse, addiction, adultery)  then the pregnancy isn't a reason to stay married. But if you are just feeling unhappy, or it's not working, maybe its time to see a therapist (couple or IC) and see if there is something worth saving. 

clichequeen

thankls for the perspective.  it's hepfull to see there are others out there who have gone through this.

well, there is no addiction, adulltery or physical abuse.  the main problem is he thinks work is optional because he can fall back on me.  he'd rather relax and take it easy while i work long hours and push myself everyday.  my pregnancy is high-risk and complicated; i am sick and he only cares about himself.  looking back, there were red flags about this, but i ignored them.  he's always exhibited irresponsible behavior, but now that i'm expecting, it's gotten worse, instead of better.  he says he will change and has said this so many times before, but it's always temporary.  he is also verbally abusive. 

i feel very strongly over the last couple of months, particularly for the last month, when he quit his job because it was inconvenient, that we are just not compatible, that we have different core values.  I think staying with him would just result in a lifetime of conflict.

i also worry that he is a terrible example for my son (not his biological child) and my daugther on the way.

Snowypumpkinqueen

Me!

peeps61308

clichequeen:

thankls for the perspective.  it's hepfull to see there are others out there who have gone through this.

well, there is no addiction, adulltery or physical abuse.  the main problem is he thinks work is optional because he can fall back on me.  he'd rather relax and take it easy while i work long hours and push myself everyday.  my pregnancy is high-risk and complicated; i am sick and he only cares about himself.  looking back, there were red flags about this, but i ignored them.  he's always exhibited irresponsible behavior, but now that i'm expecting, it's gotten worse, instead of better.  he says he will change and has said this so many times before, but it's always temporary.  he is also verbally abusive. 

i feel very strongly over the last couple of months, particularly for the last month, when he quit his job because it was inconvenient, that we are just not compatible, that we have different core values.  I think staying with him would just result in a lifetime of conflict.

i also worry that he is a terrible example for my son (not his biological child) and my daugther on the way.

Verbal abuse is abuse!!!!! You have a son and a daughter to think about now!!

My ex-h is an alcoholic and was also verbally abusive. The first time he cursed and degraded me while I was holding my 5 month old daughter, I made the decision to leave. It took a few months to get my things in order, but after that moment there was never a question what my next step was going to be. I DID NOT want my daughter growing up thinking that the situation was normal, have to walk on eggshells in her own home and be afraid to have friends over.

Please take some time to try to see the relationship for what it really is. Maybe counseling for yourself (and marriage counseling). You are already going to be raising 2 kids, do you really want to raise 3??????? 

manda666

clichequeen:

thankls for the perspective.  it's hepfull to see there are others out there who have gone through this.

well, there is no addiction, adulltery or physical abuse.  the main problem is he thinks work is optional because he can fall back on me.  he'd rather relax and take it easy while i work long hours and push myself everyday.  my pregnancy is high-risk and complicated; i am sick and he only cares about himself.  looking back, there were red flags about this, but i ignored them.  he's always exhibited irresponsible behavior, but now that i'm expecting, it's gotten worse, instead of better.  he says he will change and has said this so many times before, but it's always temporary.  he is also verbally abusive. 

i feel very strongly over the last couple of months, particularly for the last month, when he quit his job because it was inconvenient, that we are just not compatible, that we have different core values.  I think staying with him would just result in a lifetime of conflict.

i also worry that he is a terrible example for my son (not his biological child) and my daugther on the way.

this describes my ex EXACTLY. he used me as his financial support, AND a parent to his daughter from his FIRST failed marriage. we were married for a year and a half, but there were red flags at the beginning.

when i made the decision to leave him and divorce him, i thought i was pregnant. fortunately it turned out i wasn't, but that would not have influenced my decision to stay with him.

if he is a bad example for your son who is not his, i would say that's another thing to think of. yours and your children's wellbeing should definitely be the most important thing at this time.

i hope you don't think i am trying to tell you what to do just speaking from my own personal experience.

clichequeen

he left and went to his mother's on saturday because he said there was too much tension in the house.  he keeps saying he wants to come back next week and work things out.  i know this situation is toxic for me, and it's a terrible example for my son.  i just need to stay strong and do what's right for me and my children. thanks for the encouragement that i'm doing the right thing.

LadyLissame

One thing to note is that in some states, you cannot divorce if you are pregnant. You will need to wait until after the baby is born.

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