After 3 m/c, we're moving to adoption...

Tiffany946

Today marked my 3rd m/c and we have said from this past summer that as of Jan. 1st we will begin the adoption process.  We just want to be parents.  But for those of you who went through IF, how did you deal, what did you do, how did you morn the loss of not being able to have one of your own?  what advice can you give us, as we begin to move towards this option....

Dr.Loretta

You will have one of your own. He/she just won't come out of you.

To be honest, I got to the point that I just wanted to be a mom, and adoption was just another way to accomplish that goal. After 3 m/c's, pregnancy frankly terrifies me. I focused on all the negatives of pregnancy that I got to avoid.

To prepare, I'd just research your options and save $ like mad.

amm78

Losing babies is so hard.  I'm sorry you've had to go through this.  Once we decided to move on to adoption, I started to feel like a weight was lifted.  I did (and sometimes still do) feel sad that I won't experience pregnancy like my sisters and friends have.  For me, pregnancy has been scary... so, I'm afraid to try anymore.  Even though we haven't brought home our baby yet, adoption has still helped us with the healing process.

baze2

Honestly, I am still mourning that loss. I think I will mourn until I get a baby. However, I am living my life again while waiting.

I like the advice to save money like mad and this child will be yours just will not grow inside you.

 

cadgirl

For me, it's taken 10 months of mourning on and off after our m/c and I'm not sure I'm completely there yet.  But like a pp said, one thing that's helped is seeing the good side of adoption (or foster care in our case) vs pregnancy, especially as I've seen a friend go thru her pregnancy.  She talks about all the gross stuff of pregnancy, and seeing how her body has changed, and thinking about labor and trying to heal while taking care of a newborn, I'm really looking forward to not having to go thru all of that to have a child!

boxermama24

I have been in your shoes. When I was having my third miscarriage, before it was even completed, I was on the internet and making phone calls. Moving onto adoption made total sense to me and was a source of happiness and hope in an otherwise time of heartache.

My husband had a harder time catching on to the idea because I don't think he was ready to give up 'hope' for biological children. Once he got on board, it was full steam ahead.

I am so sorry for your losses. Grieve them, and always remember that those lives you created are what has led you to adopt. It can turn something terrible into something wonderful.  We are so close to being matched with a birth mom and having one of 'our own' (finally!) that I can't even express into words how much happiness I am finally able to feel as it pertains to having children.  TTC was always so tainted by sadness for me.

Just do what you have to do to learn about the process and educate yourself. Keeping yourself busy with that is what helped me most.  Best of luck to you and welcome to the board.

dragossoul84

I had four m/c and my pregnancies were very rough I was sick for all day every day. I mourned the loss of what could have been every time we m/c moving to adoption made us feel so much better. I knew that I was going to have a child this way. I didnt have to live in fear of the positive test.

so1966

It certainly takes time to mourn the loss and a part of me will always be sad for never experiencing pregnancy, but also being pregnant scared me too...

 As Dr L mentioned, the baby will be your OWN and for me it was more impt to be a parent and that's certainly what's impt even if you have a biological child...how you parent.

 I'm so sorry for your losses. I certainly hope you have friends/family acknowledging your loss and providing support.

((HUGS))