Still here, questions about everyday dealing as SP/HOH

cemacmil

Hi all,

I have still been lurking, just very busy as I went back to work a month ago and still learning how to juggle things. Quick update: divorce finalized 8/29, judge ordered nothing as to my losses with the apt fees or joint checking accounts, I have sole physical custody and joint legal, just recieved first c/s which I was pleased about and helps, and visitation is another story. And still living with the folks.

Anyways I am finding it very hard to deal with balancing everything regarding bills, plans to move out whenever, long term finance, still learning what DD needs as far as development at this stage, daily chores, and personal time. Mainly dealing with with all of it alone or as one person. Clipping coupons, sorting through mail, sorting reciepts, etc in my free time by myself just doesn't seem like anything I want to do. I could see if I had a great parenting partner/SO to hang with while doing it might not make it so bad but I am already so drained already with work, baby when not working (not that she isn't the greatest ever ), daily chores that must be done........I just don't want to deal with it. I know that sounds awful but it just seems like a lot and when I have a free 30min to an hour I just want to veg and DVR catch up.

So any tips? I know this too will pass and all but I just feel drained by it all...again especially alone.

P.S. I was seeing a counsler but she started to not fit right with me so looking for another at the moment.

nire99

While I can definitely commiserate (I'm the sole parent of two) my only advice is to just suck it up. It doesn't necessarily get easier, but you get better at it.

Also, don't be afraid to ask for help. If you have friends and family that can help, let them. Some things will get easier as your DD gets older, but then again other things get harder.

I try to allow myself a little time to dwell on the negative thoughts, then I just keep pushing forward and fake it til I make it.

Schedule yourself some "me" time. It gives you something to look forward to while you're dealing with the day-to-day drudgery of single parenting. Good luck.

TwinkieFiend

I'm a lurker, but I don't think "suck it up" is really helpful advice to OP.

OP,  your LO is just 3 months old.  You've been through a ton of changes and adding a new baby is stressful and difficult under the best of circumstances.  It's 10 times harder as an SP.  I think right now is the time to focus on the short term.  Don't worry about moving out, long term finances, etc. right now.  You'll have time for that later.  If you're getting to work everyday, paying your bills on time, and DD is happy and healthy then I would consider you're being successful for right now.

It does get much easier as your LO gets older.  Other challenges will arise with age I'm sure, but my LO is 6 months and it's a WORLD of difference between now and 3 months ago.  LO sleeps through the night, he has more of a schedule now, etc.  I'm just now getting to focus on those other types of things and learn how to balance everything.  I'm still not always successful, but I don't feel like I'm constantly behind, either.

Don't get discouraged, Momma.  Hang in there, you're doing a great job, and it will get easier!

gmginny

What has worked for me is getting up a little earlier and doing things in the morning before my son wakes up.  I now get up a half hour before him and use that time to tidy up, fold laundry, put away dishes, pay bills, etc.  At the end of the day I am way too tired to do any of this stuff!  I also have a notebook and I started writing down some of my goals - financial, personal, even lists of "wants".  It helps me stay organized and focused on my goals and forces me to develop plans to achieve my goals.

Snowypumpkinqueen

There are websites like coupons.com which are great for coupon clipping IMO.

cemacmil

Thanks everyone. I am kind of taking a cue from everyone's suggestions. I will admit when I posted I was having one of my "down times" and am feeling better now, so I do understand the suck it up mentality. I also know that I am doing a great job just by going to work and doing my best, paying my bills, taking care of LO including playtime/reading/etc not just the bare minimum, running errands with her and the such.

I am also taking some of the tips, only taking a 45 min nap when she takes her long nap instead of the whole thing and just brewing some coffee when I get up from that to give myself more time. Writing things down, starting simple just by organizing things into folders, and sometimes just plain doing what I have to do.

So thanks to all for your replys!

nire99

cemacmil:

Thanks everyone. I am kind of taking a cue from everyone's suggestions. I will admit when I posted I was having one of my "down times" and am feeling better now, so I do understand the suck it up mentality. I also know that I am doing a great job just by going to work and doing my best, paying my bills, taking care of LO including playtime/reading/etc not just the bare minimum, running errands with her and the such.

I am also taking some of the tips, only taking a 45 min nap when she takes her long nap instead of the whole thing and just brewing some coffee when I get up from that to give myself more time. Writing things down, starting simple just by organizing things into folders, and sometimes just plain doing what I have to do.

So thanks to all for your replys!

I honestly didn't mean to be harsh when I said "suck it up." I just know from my own experience that it's easier to just deal with it and move on than to stress out about stuff that you don't have control over.

This is your situation. It is what it is and unfortunately you don't have the ability to just not do what needs to be done. I was merely implying that wallowing in it doesn't do much and eventually you start to feel even worse. 

Fake it til you make it, is what I tell myself. You'll be surprised by how well it works.

Good luck!