My intro

Carolee · October 2011

Let me preface by saying that I am so happy this board was created - not that we all have to be here, but that we have a place to talk with others who have experienced similar losses. At times, I have felt so alone, and it really helps me to talk with others who understand my emotions and feelings.

I'm Carolee, and I lost my son Eliott at 37 weeks on August 11, 2010. DH and I had tried for 13 cycles to get pregnant, and our 2nd clomid cycle did the trick. I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy, although now that I look back, there were some warning signs that I feel my doctor should have addressed. On the morning of 8/11/10, I woke up and noticed that Eliott wasn't moving. This was unusual, so I ate some sugary cereal in hopes of getting him to move. Nothing. I immediately called the advice nurse and was told to go in to L&D. I went right away, feeling stupid because I just knew that I would get there and he would start kicking. As I neared the hospital, I started to get more nervous because I still wasn't feeling anything. I got checked in and waited for what seemed like an eternity for the nurse to come in and hook me up to the doppler. She couldn't find his heartbeat. I knew then that it was over, as we had never had any trouble finding his heartbeat, but she tried to reassure me as she called for a doctor and the ultrasound machine. The doctor came in and my worst fears were confirmed. I will never be able to remove the horrible memory of my son lying there on the screen, still. One of the nurses called DH (who was already at work an hour away) and my mom. My mom arrived within 20 minutes, thankfully, and she stayed with me until DH could get there. I was induced at about noon that day, and labored for almost 48 hours. Eliott Alexander was born on 8/13/11. Some days I still can't believe that this is actually my life. At the time, I never thought I would be able to make it through, but somehow here I am. I miss him every day, but I've learned to live with the hole in my heart that Eliott's absence has created. I look forward to getting to know all of you, and I am so sorry we all have to be here together. I hope we will be able to provide each other with comfort and support.

Auki13 · October 2011

I am so sorry for your loss. All these stories break my heart as I remember how I felt when we found out our baby wasn't going to make it. I wouldn't wish that horror on my worst enemy. I still cannot believe how innocent and naive I was before my experience with Annabelle, and now I see just how many women have lost so much. I catch myself looking around all the time when I am out wondering who else around me lost a baby... I am glad we have a place to all come together now and I hope to get to know you as well as several others better.

MrsRiceARoni · October 2011

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear son Eliott. Your story breaks my heart every time i read it. I hope to get to know you better through this board.

lovemymaddy · October 2011

Auki13:
I am so sorry for your loss. All these stories break my heart as I remember how I felt when we found out our baby wasn't going to make it. I wouldn't wish that horror on my worst enemy. I still cannot believe how innocent and naive I was before my experience with Annabelle, and now I see just how many women have lost so much. I catch myself looking around all the time when I am out wondering who else around me lost a baby... I am glad we have a place to all come together now and I hope to get to know you as well as several others better.

I couldn't have said this any better. Our losses certainly aren't a club or a group that anyone wants to belong to but I'm SO glad that we now have a place here to call home and talk to each other. ((hugs))