Baby TOO attached?!

FrauElyse

I posted before here looking for sleep tips and I appreciated the advice I got and am so glad to have found a board with some similarly-minded moms on it.  We have a new problem though.  I babywear and love that I've gotten over my fear of co-sleeping and it's working really well for us (minus my husband having to sleep in another room but we're doing this as a temporary solution until baby adjusts more); however, last Sunday Jack decided that he had to be held all the time.  We can't put him down....EVER.  It's not just his bassinet either since we've tried putting him in his pretty much unused crib or setting him on a playmat and he just flips out.  I can't even go to the bathroom without him screaming bloody murder since I had to put him down for 2 minutes.  We're getting a swing next week in hopes he might take to that, but I was wondering if anyone else had any more advice.  I love being near my baby, but I can't get anything done because even wearing him, my activities are somewhat limited (can't bend over a lot, etc.).  I have to wait each day for DH to get home so I can put dishes in the dishwasher, make dinner, or do laundry.  

pepomntpat

I had to learn to squat.  The only things I didn't do while wearing DD were cooking and cleaning the litter boxes. Laundry and dishes were never a problem. You may also want to look into a back carry which I never mastered, but others do. DD doesn't get worn on a regular basis much anymore since she prefers to crawl around after me while I do things,so I promise you do get some freedom eventually!

ETA: And yeah, I wore DD to the bathroom most of the time until she was about 4 months old.

kms34

How old is he?

Have you tried putting him down when you're going to stay close?  Maybe prop him up in a Boppy or something and stay right there, talking to him, playing with him....stay close, touch him, but don't hold him.  Get him used to being close to you but not IN your arms.  As he gets used to that, try out the swing.  Stay close at first but test him by moving away, etc.  Work up to being able to use the bathroom and hopefully he'll eventually be ok being in a swing watching you while you cook or do stuff around the house. 

GL!

lisa5201

Might be just a phase. DD is VERY attached, but she would go through stages where she needed me much more for days or weeks at a time. Teething, growth spurt, or who knows what?? Honestly I know how frustrating it can be when it takes three days to do a single load of laundry because you can't put your baby down for long enough to get through each step. 

GL 

C-Charm

Can you put him on your back?  That will allow you to move around a lot more.

pixieprincss

Is your baby very young? If so, that sounds normal. I second learning to bend or doing a back carry. If your baby is a newborn, I encourage you to take it easy and let the house and chores be and just snuggle with that baby! Those days are short and so sweet. Even if you baby is older and having separation anxiety, that sounds normal. Back carries are a saving grace! It is normal and healthy for a helpless little being to need constant physical connection with a person. By meeting baby's need in this way now, it will filled and then will pass. AP is about balance and it is ok to put your baby down in the ways you are talking about if it helps meet your needs, but don't feel like you need to put baby down for fear of "spoling" or being too attached. All of this sounds very developmentally appropriate.

terri_doula2010

It sounds very normal for a small infant. It is a very trying phase for us mommas, but if you give your baby what they need, it pays off. I had a super needy LO: he was a lot like how your baby sounds. I couldn't put him down without him flipping out, he wanted to be held and nurse constnantly. Now at 18 months he is a very healthfully attached kid (meaning not clingy, but super confident, super in love with his parents, but just fine with others and plays happily away from us).

FrauElyse

Thanks everyone!  He is only a month old, and I figured attachment was normal, but he just seemed out of control.  I know I'm not spoiling him (in spite of what everyone else says), but it would be nice to eat without him in my lap.  Is it possible to back carry when they're this tiny?  I didn't think you could.  I guess I'll get good at squats though, lol...I mean, I needed to get in shape anyway right?  And the putting him down near me does seem to be starting to work.  The growth spurt thing also made me think because he recently started eating more.  I guess it will pass...it really helps most of all just hearing I'm not alone.  

Marcilene1

I just want to add that my baby is only 4 months old and she was exactly what you're describing all the way up until about 3 weeks ago.  I was feeling really overwhelmed and people were giving me all sorts of bad advice (give her some rice cereal, you shouldn't hold her all the time, blah blah blah).  I stuck to what felt right for me which was baby wearing, bed sharing, and very frequent nursing.  I really did feel like it was going to last forever, but it didn't and I didn't do anything at all to change things.  She just grew out of it.  Now she likes her toys and is totally fine playing on her own for a bit and napping away from me during the day (albeit very short naps).   Don't worry!  Hang in there!  I didn't believe it was possible, but things did get easier (not easy, mind you, but easier) and they will get easier for you too.  You're doing a great job and your baby appreciates the love and comfort that you are giving him and it will payoff!

Birdies08

chrismo1013:

I just want to add that my baby is only 4 months old and she was exactly what you're describing all the way up until about 3 weeks ago.  I was feeling really overwhelmed and people were giving me all sorts of bad advice (give her some rice cereal, you shouldn't hold her all the time, blah blah blah).  I stuck to what felt right for me which was baby wearing, bed sharing, and very frequent nursing.  I really did feel like it was going to last forever, but it didn't and I didn't do anything at all to change things.  She just grew out of it.  Now she likes her toys and is totally fine playing on her own for a bit and napping away from me during the day (albeit very short naps).   Don't worry!  Hang in there!  I didn't believe it was possible, but things did get easier (not easy, mind you, but easier) and they will get easier for you too.  You're doing a great job and your baby appreciates the love and comfort that you are giving him and it will payoff!

My experience is very similar.

OP- I know what you mean about the meals. Have your partner or a friend or family member hold LO sometimes so you can eat; that used to feel so luxurious! Now it is much more normal. Like chrismo said, a few weeks ago LO started being more content sitting in her rocker with some toys while I made dinner, or ate lunch, or threw in a few loads of laundry. It will get easier! And, yeah, the squatting is actually quite helpful for getting back into shape, ha ha. My legs are crazy strong now! 

joleneandbean

I definitely agree with trying out the back carry. My LO is 9 weeks and I recently attempted the back carry in my mei tai. It is LIFE CHANGING! She loves it back there and I can get so much done. She actually fell asleep while I was practicing getting her over my shoulder, so I guess that part was nice for her, too

bostoartteacher

It took my daughter about 2 months to be able to be put down and she is 10 months now and thriving! I thought she would have major separation issues but she is in daycare and so happy!

It will all happen in due time. Just be patient. To be honest, I miss those days and wish DD would be willing to let me cuddle her all day because now she just wants to crawl and explore! Thank goodness for BFing and bedsharing, so we can cuddle!!!!