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Olivia's Hospital Birth (Pain med-free/Pitocin/Attempted Water Birth)
Olivia Reid was born on September 22, 2011 at 2:47am at 38 weeks, 2 days gestation. Her due date was 10/4. She weighed 7 pounds, 5 ounces and was 19 1/2 inches long. She was born with blue/gray eyes and a full head of dark brown hair.I had a midwife appointment on 9/20 where I found out I was 3.5 cm dilated. On the way home I started having pain in my lower back and in my legs. Once we got home I realized the pains were regular and time-able. I text my husband and he came home a few hours early from work, around 3pm, just to be safe (he was extra excited because my text came just in time for him to get out of a boring meeting, haha!).
Contractions were uncomfortable but not painful. We took a walk and they started coming about 2 minutes apart so DH made me turn around and go home to call the midwife. She said to keep timing them and if they were consistently three to four minutes apart in a few hours, to call her back. At 7pm they were still coming regularly so we called her and she said to come to the hospital to get checked. I was sure this was not real labor and was extremely reluctant to go to the hospital. I was positive that they'd tell us it was nothing and that we'd be sent home.DH , on the other hand, was extremely anxious and was convinced that this was the real thing. (Sidenote: As usual, DH was right - we went through this same fiasco when I found out I was pregnant. Even after I got a BFP I was still doubtful and insisted on taking 6 more tests before I acknowledged that I might actually be pregnant!)We arrived at the hospital at 8pm. The nurse checked me and said I was still 3.5 cm. The nurses called the midwife who said I should stay to be monitored for a few hours and she'd come check me later that night. Around 10pm the midwife came to the hospital to check me. I was four and a half centimeters dilated and 70% effaced. She admitted me and instructed me to get some rest while things were progressing slowly, saying she'd be back to check me in the morning.I tried to sleep that night but between being hooked up to the monitors, the steady but mild contractions, and the overall intensity of the situation, I only got a couple of hours rest. At 9am the next morning the midwife stopped in on her way to her office to check me. I was still four and a half centimeters dilated - no progress at all! The midwife gave me a few options - we could keep going without interventions and just let things happen slowly as they were. Or, she could break my water to speed things up. The third option was to start Pitocin. I really wanted to give my body more time to progress naturally and since the midwife and the hospital weren't in any rush for me to deliver within a certain time frame, we all agreed that I'd spend the day walking the halls and using the yoga ball and hope that labor started to speed up and intensify by the evening.The midwife left and soon my contractions got stronger and closer together, coming three minutes apart and becoming more painful so I really had to breathe through them. I walked around so much that day and used the yoga ball to do pelvic exercises to help my cervix dilate even more. The midwife had told me to eat a good lunch that day since once labor got more intense I would need my energy. DH went out and got me a sandwich from a local shop - it was this amazing chicken pesto panini. I seriously hope we have our second kiddo at the same hospital so I can have another one of those incredible sandwiches!
After lunch, the midwife stopped by to check me. I was five centimeters dilated and 80% effaced. We decided that she'd come back that evening around 7pm and if I hadn't made any more progress she would break my water at that point which would hopefully speed things up. But by the time 7pm rolled around, my contractions had completely slowed down and labor had almost stopped! When the midwife checked me I was completely stalled at five centimeters. She then told us that since it had been 24 hours of labor in the hospital with very little progress, she felt we needed to do something to help my body kick things into high gear. She was worried that if we let things keep going in this long, drawn-out way, I'd be too exhausted to push at the end, when things got really intense.The midwife preferred to break my water, however, she found that the baby's head was not in the optimal position for her to safely do this. That left us with the last option which was the one I liked the least: starting an IV with Pitocin. Even though my goal had been absolutely no drugs, DH and I agreed that it was time to give in and do something. It was draining my energy to labor this way and something needed to happen. The sad part was that starting the IV meant I couldn't have a water birth which was something we had been planning for. The midwife was really sad for us as she wanted us to have a water birth as well but she assured me that I could still labor in the tub up until the baby crowned I just couldn't give birth in there once we started the Pit. She also promised she would give me the absolute lowest dose possible of Pitocin and pull it back if possible once my body took over. At this point I felt comfortable having the IV started as I was exhausted so we started the Pit right away around 7:30pm. The midwife left the hospital soon after with instructions that she'd be back to check me around midnight. She also said if I needed her before then to have the nurses call her and she'd be back at the hospital for me right away.
The Pitocin started working almost instantly. Over the next two and a half hours they upped the dose eight times until the contractions were coming strong and fast, right on top of each other. Things had become very uncomfortable for me, and I was having a hard time sitting still through the contractions. Around 10pm as the pain was quickly becoming unbearable (or so I thought), I decided I wanted to try laboring in the jacuzzi tub. Once I got in the tub, however, I absolutely hated it. It was so incredibly uncomfortable. The Jacuzzi jets were so loud that I couldn't hear myself think or hear DH talking to me and I remember feeling like the jets were bombarding me on all sides rather than massaging and relaxing me. When a contraction came on all sides instead of relaxing me! Once I was in the tub I could not find a position that worked. When a contraction came, there was nothing to hold on to and it was way too intense to sit still through. After one contraction I frantically asked to get out of the tub. When I got out the nurse actually lowered my Pitocin dose slightly as my contractions were coming so frequently, I wasn't getting any break in between. This is when things really started to get intense and my body started taking over.From that point on, I could not find a position that was even remotely comfortable during contractions. The pain was more and more intense and I realized this was it - this was the pain I was going to have to get through to get to meet our baby. The labor I'd experience for all those hours before was nothing - those contractions were like a spa treatment compared to these ones! As the pain intensified and I could no longer speak or sit/lie still during the contractions, but my focus narrowed. I cared only about making it through each contraction and getting the baby out. I knew there was only one way for me to make the pain stop and that was to make it to the end!Around 11pm I had climbed into the bed and was begging the nurses to call the midwife to come back to the hospital. I'm not sure what I wanted since I wasn't going to get any pain meds but I remember I just wanted her to be there with me so much. I had chosen her practice specifically because of how hands-on she was during birth. By now, it had become impossible for me to get through the contractions without making some kind of noise. It was so hard to relax and not tense up during the contractions but tensing up made them worse. Making a little noise helped so I talked to myself and made low moaning sounds, which now I realize probably made me sound like a crazy person to everyone around. Thankfully I was in my own little world and couldn't have cared less what anyone thought. Also I was completely naked at this point as I could not stand having anything on me.The nurses called the midwife as soon as I asked them to, not questioning me at all. She arrived 10 minutes after the nurses called her. For the next several hours, I just dealt with one horrible, excruciating contraction at a time in the bed with DH on one side and the midwife on the other. They both sat with me during that time, DH holding heating pads on my back and my legs which is where I felt the majority of the pain, and the midwife massaging my back and legs and giving me gentle prompts during the contractions like reminding me to breath slowly and deeply through the pain and not tense up. Funny sidenote - in order to deal with the pain I had to completely relax. DH said that when I was lying on my side the midwife was sitting by my butt and was rubbing my back but had to keep her head turned away because I kept farting since I kept trying to relax!!During these hours each contraction seemed like it was going to kill me. I remember that I often grabbed onto the bed rails and told myself outloud to relax and breathe and that I would soon meet my baby. I remember saying out loud, "I chose to give birth without pain meds because I felt it was the best thing for my baby. She's coming soon and I can relax." over and over again, slowly and deliberately. Somehow the intense focus and repetition got me through contraction after contraction.The midwife checked me again at 1am. I was eight centimeters dilated. Finally, some real progress! While she was checking me this time, my water broke. I remember panicking and she had to calm me down because I knew that at this point my water breaking meant the contractions would be coming even stronger and faster now and I was scared. I wasn't wrong - the next hour was the worst yet. Almost immediately after my water broke all I wanted to do was push. It was the strongest urge I've ever had and it seemed like I couldn't stop my body from doing it. Not wanting me to tear my midwife asked me to wait to push. I remember moaning frantically at the midwife "I NEED to push!" several times and each time she calmly told me that I couldn't push just yet and to keep breathing. She finally told me that I could push after 3-4 more contractions.
I was keeping track in my head. After four contractions passed I was SO ready to push but the midwife had left the room and people had frantically started preparing for the delivery. I realized that there were suddenly a lot more people in the room and that nurses were coming and going getting things ready. I knew I couldn't push until the midwife came back and I told DH I wanted him to go get her but that I also didn't want him to leave so he stayed with me and somehow I dug deep for four more contractions. Finally finally finally the midwife came back into the room and I yell at her that I need to push NOW and she said "Ok! Let's have a baby!" She asked if I wanted to push on the bed or somewhere else and I remember kind of laughing in my head at the idea of me having the ability to get out of the bed at this point. There was no way I could have thought about moving anywhere else!I've heard and read of women who say that their contractions were really bad but that pushing actually felt good since it was toward the end of labor and they knew the baby was almost out. This was not the case for me. As bad as contractions were, pushing was worse. The midwife had DH hold one leg and the nurse hold the other and had me push long and hard as many times as I could during each contractions. Each time a contraction came and I had to push the midwife gave me clear, firm step-by-step instructions on what to do and then after each push she told me I was doing an amazing job and was pushing wonderfully. With my eyes squeezed shut I listened for her voice and followed her directions to the letter. I wanted the pain to end so much so I forced myself to make each and every push count and not waste an ounce of time or energy even though I felt like there was no way I could push the baby out. It was excruciating and exhausting. I became light headed early on in the pushing stage so the midwife had the nurses give me an oxygen mask.After 30 minutes of pushing, DH told me he could see the head and that there was a lot of hair. I remember feeling like that news should make me excited but it didn't. I was so focused and I didn't want to know anything about the head, I just wanted it OUT of me! At this point the midwife told me that the head was coming out a bit then going back in, then coming out a bit more, then going back in. I remember thinking that was the most discouraging news ever. The midwife asked if I want to touch the baby's head as it came out and I said an emphatic NO. It wasn't that I didn't care but I just remember feeling like I was hanging by a thread and I was terrified of losing focus and giving up. I didn't want to think about anything except getting the baby out and being done with the pain.Ten minutes later the baby was fully crowning and thinking about it now makes me shudder (a little PTSD I think). Just when I thought the pain couldn't get any worse, it did. Crowning was the worst pain I've ever felt. In my life. Hands down. I don't know how I didn't stop pushing. Somehow my brain knew to cling to the thought that the only way "out" of this pain was to go forward which meant to keep pushing with all of my strength which I did. Those last few pushes hurt so badly I couldn't help myself and I screamed at what felt like the top of my lungs. I had been sure that I wouldn't be a screamer but for those last few pushes there was no stopping it. Then I heard everyone exclaim that her head was out and suddenly the midwife's voice changed suddenly and she told me to stop pushing immediately. I wasn't aware at the time what was going on but I found out later that the cord was wrapped tightly around the baby's neck. Usually the doctor or midwife is able to simply slip a finger under the cord and loop it over the baby's head so they can breathe. In our case, however, the cord was wrapped around her neck so tightly that the midwife had to have me stop pushing after the head was out, clamp the cord and cut it off of the baby's neck immediately while the rest of her was still inside me. DH told me later that she did this with remarkable speed, and he was amazed at how calm and focused she was. As soon as the cord was taken care of the midwife has me push one last time and Olivia was born! I felt her little body come out and knew it was over and I had this feeling of complete and utter euphoric relief. I opened my eyes and I remember that the oxygen mask was interfering with my sight but I could just see DH's face and he turned to me and said, "She's beautiful!" And I remember saying/crying, "She came out! I can't believe she actually came out!".I pushed for 47 minutes through 15 contractions. I pooped SO MUCH omg but the midwife kept saying that was GOOD and meant I was pushing correctly. I probably pooped 7 times but couldn't exactly keep track... and like everyone says, I totally didn't care and no one gave it a second thought! If I had held back or been embarrassed about it pushing would have taken much longer!
They put her on my chest right away, all slimy and messy and it was absolutely wonderful. She was so warm and soft and feeling her little life in my arms for the first time was incredible. I had wanted to breastfeed her right away but I quickly realized I was in no condition to hold her for longer than a few minutes. I was having trouble catching my breath and my legs were shaking uncontrollably from pushing so hard. While I held her the midwife helped me deliver the placenta which came out easily in one push. She asked if I wanted to see it which I did not (but DH looked and said it was pretty gross!). I heard the midwife express concern about my bleeding so they gave me something (not Pit, I forget what) to help it stop. Then she told me that I had suffered a second degree tear. After this I was pretty out of it for a while. They took the baby to the warmer which was in our room to do her checks and tests so I watched them do that while the midwife stitched me up and I caught my breath. I spent a long time trying to catch my breath while the midwife stitched me up (which took about 30 minutes). Finally they brought Olivia back to me and I got to hold her for a long long time and had lots of skin-on-skin time with her.An hour after Olivia was born I wanted to get out of bed and pee. Walking after giving birth was quite the challenge. - my legs wouldn't stop shaking, I had the chills, and when I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror I did not recognize myself! I had little red spots all over my face and in my eyes from broken capillaries caused by pushing so hard... and my face was slightly swollen.Giving birth with no pain meds was something I was not prepared for despite all my best efforts. I actually told DH before labor got intense that I was trying to anticipate the pain being horrible so that perhaps I would be pleasantly surprised that it wasn't as bad as I thought. It ended up being far worse than I'd imagined. And I purposefully didn't hold back in describing it here because I don't think it makes it any better to sugar coat it or abridge the story. I literally thought I would die from the pain. However, I had Pitocin which I'm told can make contractions way more intense and painful than if your body did things completely unassisted. Of course, every woman is different and plenty of women have short, easy labors! Maybe next time will be easier for me!
Also I'm not going to lie and say that as soon as Olivia was born I forgot all about the pain. For the first several hours after her birth I felt like I had a mild case of post traumatic stress disorder! I kept having flashbacks of the pain and of her crowning and had to keep telling myself that it was over now and she was out and I didn't have to go through that anymore. Now, a couple weeks later, it's still hard to think about having to do it again.This has been way too long so I'll end with this thought: I am SO glad I stuck to my guns and did not use any drugs for the pain. As difficult as it was, it didn't kill me and it definitely made me stronger. I am proud of what my body was able to do to bring Olivia into this world. But I would never EVER judge anyone for getting an epidural or using any pain medication. And I will never ever try to convince someone to give birth without pain meds. I think each woman is different and needs to decide for herself how she will approach giving birth and I whole-heartedly respect those who choose the epi! For me, pain med-free was the right choice and I'm really proud of myself for sticking to my decision.
Contractions were uncomfortable but not painful. We took a walk and they started coming about 2 minutes apart so DH made me turn around and go home to call the midwife. She said to keep timing them and if they were consistently three to four minutes apart in a few hours, to call her back. At 7pm they were still coming regularly so we called her and she said to come to the hospital to get checked. I was sure this was not real labor and was extremely reluctant to go to the hospital. I was positive that they'd tell us it was nothing and that we'd be sent home.DH , on the other hand, was extremely anxious and was convinced that this was the real thing. (Sidenote: As usual, DH was right - we went through this same fiasco when I found out I was pregnant. Even after I got a BFP I was still doubtful and insisted on taking 6 more tests before I acknowledged that I might actually be pregnant!)We arrived at the hospital at 8pm. The nurse checked me and said I was still 3.5 cm. The nurses called the midwife who said I should stay to be monitored for a few hours and she'd come check me later that night. Around 10pm the midwife came to the hospital to check me. I was four and a half centimeters dilated and 70% effaced. She admitted me and instructed me to get some rest while things were progressing slowly, saying she'd be back to check me in the morning.I tried to sleep that night but between being hooked up to the monitors, the steady but mild contractions, and the overall intensity of the situation, I only got a couple of hours rest. At 9am the next morning the midwife stopped in on her way to her office to check me. I was still four and a half centimeters dilated - no progress at all! The midwife gave me a few options - we could keep going without interventions and just let things happen slowly as they were. Or, she could break my water to speed things up. The third option was to start Pitocin. I really wanted to give my body more time to progress naturally and since the midwife and the hospital weren't in any rush for me to deliver within a certain time frame, we all agreed that I'd spend the day walking the halls and using the yoga ball and hope that labor started to speed up and intensify by the evening.The midwife left and soon my contractions got stronger and closer together, coming three minutes apart and becoming more painful so I really had to breathe through them. I walked around so much that day and used the yoga ball to do pelvic exercises to help my cervix dilate even more. The midwife had told me to eat a good lunch that day since once labor got more intense I would need my energy. DH went out and got me a sandwich from a local shop - it was this amazing chicken pesto panini. I seriously hope we have our second kiddo at the same hospital so I can have another one of those incredible sandwiches!
After lunch, the midwife stopped by to check me. I was five centimeters dilated and 80% effaced. We decided that she'd come back that evening around 7pm and if I hadn't made any more progress she would break my water at that point which would hopefully speed things up. But by the time 7pm rolled around, my contractions had completely slowed down and labor had almost stopped! When the midwife checked me I was completely stalled at five centimeters. She then told us that since it had been 24 hours of labor in the hospital with very little progress, she felt we needed to do something to help my body kick things into high gear. She was worried that if we let things keep going in this long, drawn-out way, I'd be too exhausted to push at the end, when things got really intense.The midwife preferred to break my water, however, she found that the baby's head was not in the optimal position for her to safely do this. That left us with the last option which was the one I liked the least: starting an IV with Pitocin. Even though my goal had been absolutely no drugs, DH and I agreed that it was time to give in and do something. It was draining my energy to labor this way and something needed to happen. The sad part was that starting the IV meant I couldn't have a water birth which was something we had been planning for. The midwife was really sad for us as she wanted us to have a water birth as well but she assured me that I could still labor in the tub up until the baby crowned I just couldn't give birth in there once we started the Pit. She also promised she would give me the absolute lowest dose possible of Pitocin and pull it back if possible once my body took over. At this point I felt comfortable having the IV started as I was exhausted so we started the Pit right away around 7:30pm. The midwife left the hospital soon after with instructions that she'd be back to check me around midnight. She also said if I needed her before then to have the nurses call her and she'd be back at the hospital for me right away.
The Pitocin started working almost instantly. Over the next two and a half hours they upped the dose eight times until the contractions were coming strong and fast, right on top of each other. Things had become very uncomfortable for me, and I was having a hard time sitting still through the contractions. Around 10pm as the pain was quickly becoming unbearable (or so I thought), I decided I wanted to try laboring in the jacuzzi tub. Once I got in the tub, however, I absolutely hated it. It was so incredibly uncomfortable. The Jacuzzi jets were so loud that I couldn't hear myself think or hear DH talking to me and I remember feeling like the jets were bombarding me on all sides rather than massaging and relaxing me. When a contraction came on all sides instead of relaxing me! Once I was in the tub I could not find a position that worked. When a contraction came, there was nothing to hold on to and it was way too intense to sit still through. After one contraction I frantically asked to get out of the tub. When I got out the nurse actually lowered my Pitocin dose slightly as my contractions were coming so frequently, I wasn't getting any break in between. This is when things really started to get intense and my body started taking over.From that point on, I could not find a position that was even remotely comfortable during contractions. The pain was more and more intense and I realized this was it - this was the pain I was going to have to get through to get to meet our baby. The labor I'd experience for all those hours before was nothing - those contractions were like a spa treatment compared to these ones! As the pain intensified and I could no longer speak or sit/lie still during the contractions, but my focus narrowed. I cared only about making it through each contraction and getting the baby out. I knew there was only one way for me to make the pain stop and that was to make it to the end!Around 11pm I had climbed into the bed and was begging the nurses to call the midwife to come back to the hospital. I'm not sure what I wanted since I wasn't going to get any pain meds but I remember I just wanted her to be there with me so much. I had chosen her practice specifically because of how hands-on she was during birth. By now, it had become impossible for me to get through the contractions without making some kind of noise. It was so hard to relax and not tense up during the contractions but tensing up made them worse. Making a little noise helped so I talked to myself and made low moaning sounds, which now I realize probably made me sound like a crazy person to everyone around. Thankfully I was in my own little world and couldn't have cared less what anyone thought. Also I was completely naked at this point as I could not stand having anything on me.The nurses called the midwife as soon as I asked them to, not questioning me at all. She arrived 10 minutes after the nurses called her. For the next several hours, I just dealt with one horrible, excruciating contraction at a time in the bed with DH on one side and the midwife on the other. They both sat with me during that time, DH holding heating pads on my back and my legs which is where I felt the majority of the pain, and the midwife massaging my back and legs and giving me gentle prompts during the contractions like reminding me to breath slowly and deeply through the pain and not tense up. Funny sidenote - in order to deal with the pain I had to completely relax. DH said that when I was lying on my side the midwife was sitting by my butt and was rubbing my back but had to keep her head turned away because I kept farting since I kept trying to relax!!During these hours each contraction seemed like it was going to kill me. I remember that I often grabbed onto the bed rails and told myself outloud to relax and breathe and that I would soon meet my baby. I remember saying out loud, "I chose to give birth without pain meds because I felt it was the best thing for my baby. She's coming soon and I can relax." over and over again, slowly and deliberately. Somehow the intense focus and repetition got me through contraction after contraction.The midwife checked me again at 1am. I was eight centimeters dilated. Finally, some real progress! While she was checking me this time, my water broke. I remember panicking and she had to calm me down because I knew that at this point my water breaking meant the contractions would be coming even stronger and faster now and I was scared. I wasn't wrong - the next hour was the worst yet. Almost immediately after my water broke all I wanted to do was push. It was the strongest urge I've ever had and it seemed like I couldn't stop my body from doing it. Not wanting me to tear my midwife asked me to wait to push. I remember moaning frantically at the midwife "I NEED to push!" several times and each time she calmly told me that I couldn't push just yet and to keep breathing. She finally told me that I could push after 3-4 more contractions.
I was keeping track in my head. After four contractions passed I was SO ready to push but the midwife had left the room and people had frantically started preparing for the delivery. I realized that there were suddenly a lot more people in the room and that nurses were coming and going getting things ready. I knew I couldn't push until the midwife came back and I told DH I wanted him to go get her but that I also didn't want him to leave so he stayed with me and somehow I dug deep for four more contractions. Finally finally finally the midwife came back into the room and I yell at her that I need to push NOW and she said "Ok! Let's have a baby!" She asked if I wanted to push on the bed or somewhere else and I remember kind of laughing in my head at the idea of me having the ability to get out of the bed at this point. There was no way I could have thought about moving anywhere else!I've heard and read of women who say that their contractions were really bad but that pushing actually felt good since it was toward the end of labor and they knew the baby was almost out. This was not the case for me. As bad as contractions were, pushing was worse. The midwife had DH hold one leg and the nurse hold the other and had me push long and hard as many times as I could during each contractions. Each time a contraction came and I had to push the midwife gave me clear, firm step-by-step instructions on what to do and then after each push she told me I was doing an amazing job and was pushing wonderfully. With my eyes squeezed shut I listened for her voice and followed her directions to the letter. I wanted the pain to end so much so I forced myself to make each and every push count and not waste an ounce of time or energy even though I felt like there was no way I could push the baby out. It was excruciating and exhausting. I became light headed early on in the pushing stage so the midwife had the nurses give me an oxygen mask.After 30 minutes of pushing, DH told me he could see the head and that there was a lot of hair. I remember feeling like that news should make me excited but it didn't. I was so focused and I didn't want to know anything about the head, I just wanted it OUT of me! At this point the midwife told me that the head was coming out a bit then going back in, then coming out a bit more, then going back in. I remember thinking that was the most discouraging news ever. The midwife asked if I want to touch the baby's head as it came out and I said an emphatic NO. It wasn't that I didn't care but I just remember feeling like I was hanging by a thread and I was terrified of losing focus and giving up. I didn't want to think about anything except getting the baby out and being done with the pain.Ten minutes later the baby was fully crowning and thinking about it now makes me shudder (a little PTSD I think). Just when I thought the pain couldn't get any worse, it did. Crowning was the worst pain I've ever felt. In my life. Hands down. I don't know how I didn't stop pushing. Somehow my brain knew to cling to the thought that the only way "out" of this pain was to go forward which meant to keep pushing with all of my strength which I did. Those last few pushes hurt so badly I couldn't help myself and I screamed at what felt like the top of my lungs. I had been sure that I wouldn't be a screamer but for those last few pushes there was no stopping it. Then I heard everyone exclaim that her head was out and suddenly the midwife's voice changed suddenly and she told me to stop pushing immediately. I wasn't aware at the time what was going on but I found out later that the cord was wrapped tightly around the baby's neck. Usually the doctor or midwife is able to simply slip a finger under the cord and loop it over the baby's head so they can breathe. In our case, however, the cord was wrapped around her neck so tightly that the midwife had to have me stop pushing after the head was out, clamp the cord and cut it off of the baby's neck immediately while the rest of her was still inside me. DH told me later that she did this with remarkable speed, and he was amazed at how calm and focused she was. As soon as the cord was taken care of the midwife has me push one last time and Olivia was born! I felt her little body come out and knew it was over and I had this feeling of complete and utter euphoric relief. I opened my eyes and I remember that the oxygen mask was interfering with my sight but I could just see DH's face and he turned to me and said, "She's beautiful!" And I remember saying/crying, "She came out! I can't believe she actually came out!".I pushed for 47 minutes through 15 contractions. I pooped SO MUCH omg but the midwife kept saying that was GOOD and meant I was pushing correctly. I probably pooped 7 times but couldn't exactly keep track... and like everyone says, I totally didn't care and no one gave it a second thought! If I had held back or been embarrassed about it pushing would have taken much longer!
They put her on my chest right away, all slimy and messy and it was absolutely wonderful. She was so warm and soft and feeling her little life in my arms for the first time was incredible. I had wanted to breastfeed her right away but I quickly realized I was in no condition to hold her for longer than a few minutes. I was having trouble catching my breath and my legs were shaking uncontrollably from pushing so hard. While I held her the midwife helped me deliver the placenta which came out easily in one push. She asked if I wanted to see it which I did not (but DH looked and said it was pretty gross!). I heard the midwife express concern about my bleeding so they gave me something (not Pit, I forget what) to help it stop. Then she told me that I had suffered a second degree tear. After this I was pretty out of it for a while. They took the baby to the warmer which was in our room to do her checks and tests so I watched them do that while the midwife stitched me up and I caught my breath. I spent a long time trying to catch my breath while the midwife stitched me up (which took about 30 minutes). Finally they brought Olivia back to me and I got to hold her for a long long time and had lots of skin-on-skin time with her.An hour after Olivia was born I wanted to get out of bed and pee. Walking after giving birth was quite the challenge. - my legs wouldn't stop shaking, I had the chills, and when I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror I did not recognize myself! I had little red spots all over my face and in my eyes from broken capillaries caused by pushing so hard... and my face was slightly swollen.Giving birth with no pain meds was something I was not prepared for despite all my best efforts. I actually told DH before labor got intense that I was trying to anticipate the pain being horrible so that perhaps I would be pleasantly surprised that it wasn't as bad as I thought. It ended up being far worse than I'd imagined. And I purposefully didn't hold back in describing it here because I don't think it makes it any better to sugar coat it or abridge the story. I literally thought I would die from the pain. However, I had Pitocin which I'm told can make contractions way more intense and painful than if your body did things completely unassisted. Of course, every woman is different and plenty of women have short, easy labors! Maybe next time will be easier for me!
Also I'm not going to lie and say that as soon as Olivia was born I forgot all about the pain. For the first several hours after her birth I felt like I had a mild case of post traumatic stress disorder! I kept having flashbacks of the pain and of her crowning and had to keep telling myself that it was over now and she was out and I didn't have to go through that anymore. Now, a couple weeks later, it's still hard to think about having to do it again.This has been way too long so I'll end with this thought: I am SO glad I stuck to my guns and did not use any drugs for the pain. As difficult as it was, it didn't kill me and it definitely made me stronger. I am proud of what my body was able to do to bring Olivia into this world. But I would never EVER judge anyone for getting an epidural or using any pain medication. And I will never ever try to convince someone to give birth without pain meds. I think each woman is different and needs to decide for herself how she will approach giving birth and I whole-heartedly respect those who choose the epi! For me, pain med-free was the right choice and I'm really proud of myself for sticking to my decision.
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Re: Olivia's Hospital Birth (Pain med-free/Pitocin/Attempted Water Birth)