Bday party etiquette

ling79

DS just started PS this year so we have only been to a couple parties before.  Now with school starting I see that we will be getting more invites which is great.

Few questions:

When you go with LO to bday parties and there is pizza, cupcakes or cake, do you eat as well?  

And do you and DH go together or just one of you?

And what is the typical amount of $ you spend on a gift per child?  

TIA!

n&bcarlson

At DD's age (3 yo), a parent needs to stay for the whole party, so I would expect to provide whatever food I had for kids to the parent, too, and would in turn expect to have lunch provided for me as well as DD if that's when the party was being held. At an older age, you might start asking if parents are expected to stay, but up until at least age 5 I'm guessing parents need to be on hand just to keep things from being crazy.

It's almost always just one of us, unless it's been made clear that there is a grown up component to the party (a big BBQ, for example) and that everyone is welcome, or if the hosts are good friends of both of us and we know the dad would welcome the company.

I usually spend in the $10-15 range on gifts and that seems to be the norm based on what I've seen kids receive at parties, but this is going to vary widely by your social circle and the average income in your area, so if you're not sure, ask someone you know who is also being invited to the same parties.

angelakh

ling79:

Few questions:

When you go with LO to bday parties and there is pizza, cupcakes or cake, do you eat as well?  Yes, and I expect to feed the parents at DD's party.  I only eat cake or cupcakes if it is offered.  The last party we went to only had enough cupcakes for the kiddos which was fine with me.

And do you and DH go together or just one of you?  Usually just me.  I have taken dh a couple of times and he was one of the only dads there, so now he refuses to go.  I

And what is the typical amount of $ you spend on a gift per child?  school party - $10

TIA!

kmhunt11

I have another question to add---  DD is in a multi-age classroom.  She is 3, and there are 3's, 4's, 5's and now some kids are turning 6.  We were just invited to a party for a girl turning 6.  Seems like a big age gap, but they are in the same class at school and I guess the parents realize they invited 3 year olds.  Several parents go in to read with children individually, and coincidentally I read with her kid each week and she reads with mine.  What do you think?  Should we go?  (I can see the evite rsvp list and DD's bff is going).  

eesome

1.) I always eat because the parents invite me to. I have never been to a child's party where the adults couldn't eat.

2.) It depends. Typically-- it's both of us.

3.) If they are a close friend's child = $30-$40. Not so close= $15-$20. 

ellesmama

IMO it depends on the party. We just went to one this weekend that was very kid-centered. They had just enough seats (with plates) for the kids, so it was pretty obvious adults weren't included in the food. Of course, it was a pretty short party, after lunch and the invitations specified that it would be cake/ice cream only. I didn't think anything of it.

DD's 2nd birthday was an outdoor play event for the kids that lasted several hours and was during lunch and after, so we served a full meal for the adults and children and also made that clear on the invites.

As for who goes, with us that also depends. If we both know the parents of the child sometimes we both go. However, if I know them much better, I usually just take her on my own.

At their age I usually spend around $25 for a classsmate gift and maybe a little more for a child of a close friend.

Pesky

kmhunt11:

I have another question to add---  DD is in a multi-age classroom.  She is 3, and there are 3's, 4's, 5's and now some kids are turning 6.  We were just invited to a party for a girl turning 6.  Seems like a big age gap, but they are in the same class at school and I guess the parents realize they invited 3 year olds.  Several parents go in to read with children individually, and coincidentally I read with her kid each week and she reads with mine.  What do you think?  Should we go?  (I can see the evite rsvp list and DD's bff is going).  

I decline invites if the bday kid and my kid aren't terribly close.  So if she and this girl aren't playing, I'd probably skip it unless you want the social interaction.   

Pesky

When you go with LO to bday parties and there is pizza, cupcakes or cake, do you eat as well?  Generally the food is also out for the adults so I nosh.  Most parents make it a point to say there is enough for parents and I always plan to feed the parents at my kids' bday parties. And do you and DH go together or just one of you?   Now we have 2 kids, one usually stays with DS and one goes with DD.  We alternate who.  For those parents with 1 kid, I've seen it both ways.  Oftentimes both parents go. And what is the typical amount of $ you spend on a gift per child?Depends on how close DD is with the kid but generally$10-20. 

KathrynMD

We've been to about a dozen kid's parties now and there has been food for parents at all of them. I eat cake and cupcakes too. DH will go if they are friends or if its clear its a more adult party. I normally spend 15-20 on presents. Right now, we're giving out a bunch of games and books.

n&bcarlson

I feel like I should add- I never would just jump in and grab pizza or a cupcake!  It's just that every party we've been to, the hosts said right away for everyone to eat (some even had more grown up options for the parents, like subs and salads).  So if we get an invite and it says "lunch will be served" I wouldn't think to eat something myself ahead of time- I would assume it means me, too.

About the 6yo birthday, I would probably go if a lot of the little ones were going.  DD just went to a 6yo birthday this weekend and had lots of fun.  The parents also have a 4yo daughter (in same ballet class as DD) and invited friends of the 4yo so she'd have kids to play with, plus said on the invite that all siblings were invited, too.  So I knew DD would have a great time.   If it was almost all 6yo, I wouldn't go.

jlw2505

When you go with LO to bday parties and there is pizza, cupcakes or cake, do you eat as well?    Only if the hosts offer food to us.  I go with the assumption that all the food is for the kids.  When I have invited parents, I have made it clear on the invite that I will have lunch/cake (whatever I am serving) for everyone so to please RSVP with the nmumber of kids and adults attending so their is no question.  I have seen it both ways at parties.

And do you and DH go together or just one of you?   Typically just one of us goes unless both of my kids have been invited and then it just depends on our plans for the day and other stuff that needs to get done.

And what is the typical amount of $ you spend on a gift per child?  $10-$15 per child.  I spent on the higher side if its a really good/close friend and on the lower side for the random invite from a school friend that my child never talks about.

jsugrin

kmhunt11:

I have another question to add---  DD is in a multi-age classroom.  She is 3, and there are 3's, 4's, 5's and now some kids are turning 6.  We were just invited to a party for a girl turning 6.  Seems like a big age gap, but they are in the same class at school and I guess the parents realize they invited 3 year olds.  Several parents go in to read with children individually, and coincidentally I read with her kid each week and she reads with mine.  What do you think?  Should we go?  (I can see the evite rsvp list and DD's bff is going).  

I think that since you each read to the other persons child that you should go, in this case it's more about your relationship with the birthday girl and her mother's relationship with your child.  Personally I think weekly reading is a big thing and I would want to nurture that relationship.  The fact that your DD's BFF is also going would cement my decision since you know DD will have at least one person to play with.