should I call CPS?

kimberlyk921

My sister and her son's father are not together anymore, they don't have any legal custody agreement they just split it themselves 50/50, against what we have all told her. I agree they should share time with him but I constantly tell her they need to get something written in stone because he could up leave one day and there's not much you can do about it. So anywho...he was with his dad last night and his dad got a call from work to come in to fix a problem, at 2am. So being the complete moron that he is he left Roman at home sleeping. His sister was home sleeping too but she is only 10. My sister is furious over it, naturally, I told her I think she should call CPS but she makes HORRIBLE decisions regarding her ex so I don't know if she will actually do it. Should I call or what can I do?

pinacolodas

Yes, I would call. He broke the law by leaving the kids alone. What if there was a fire, intruder, etc?

justme04

Deffinatly call.  Your sister needs to realize she needs to put her children's safety above her cr@ppy ex

jesssy1204

YES! If a 10yr. is the one "in charge" at 2am, and she doesnt even know her Dad is gone (no that this makes a difference) I would hands down call. Like the post before me, what if a fire started, or something!? Never the less, you DO NOT leave you small children alone! EVER.

Just keep in mind your sister might get really upset with you- but you are doing the right thing.

GL

LSU628

As a counselor, i was always taught that it isn't my job to investiage the situation. It is my job to report anything that I think is endangering a child and let CPS do the rest. So if you have concerns, you need to report it.

kimberlyk921

Thank you all for the responses! I got a lot of mixed opinions on 12-24...mostly people saying it didn't warrant a call to CPS. I find it odd that a board full of moms think it isn't that serious to leave a 10 yr old and 4 yr old home alone but freak out if you give your kid juice. My gut is telling me to call, I'm okay with my sister being mad at me for it, it's not about her it's about Roman. 

beth&anth

I am going to be in the minority here but I say no.  If your sister is that furious, she should do something about it.  Be prepared for them to investigate your sister as well.  Do you know what your state guidelines are? Some recommend not leaving under 10 yr olds home alone.  However, I will say, if there is a pattern of neglect on either end, then yes call.  Your are definitely in a tough spot! Bottom line- your sister needs to get her sh!t together for her child's sake.

kimberlyk921

beth&anth:

I am going to be in the minority here but I say no.  If your sister is that furious, she should do something about it.  Be prepared for them to investigate your sister as well.  Do you know what your state guidelines are? Some recommend not leaving under 10 yr olds home alone.  However, I will say, if there is a pattern of neglect on either end, then yes call.  Your are definitely in a tough spot! Bottom line- your sister needs to get her sh!t together for her child's sake.

he has done things in the past as well, he has went to work in the middle of the night on a call and left roman in the car while it was running.  

LoveEeyore

I'm going to go no on this too.  In addition to sis and BIL splitting, they are subjected to this?  What was the ex's response?  Defensive like it was no big deal, or surprised, or embarrassed?

If it's about roman, I would suck up my feelings about the ex and offer your home to both children in that situation.  Offer if happens again to be there in 15minutes if he calls  to sleep on the couch.  Guys are dumb.  A mom can look at a snapshot and in under 5 seconds identify 40 dangers and formulate a plan if any one of these 40 hazards happen.  Guys just don't do that.  My DH is an amazing Daddy but so careless, like "they're not infants anymore, they bounce." 

Try to help solve the problem within the family.  If dad has rage or has abused the kids, of course call, but roman is family and it is more humane and less potentially toxic to the family if you offer everything you can to help solve the problem.

beth&anth

If there is a pattern and your sister isn't stepping up, then yes.  I work in a school and agree with the pp that it is our job to report, not to investigate.  Good luck! Keep us posted!

kimberlyk921

LoveEeyore:

I'm going to go no on this too.  In addition to sis and BIL splitting, they are subjected to this?  What was the ex's response?  Defensive like it was no big deal, or surprised, or embarrassed?

If it's about roman, I would suck up my feelings about the ex and offer your home to both children in that situation.  Offer if happens again to be there in 15minutes if he calls  to sleep on the couch.  Guys are dumb.  A mom can look at a snapshot and in under 5 seconds identify 40 dangers and formulate a plan if any one of these 40 hazards happen.  Guys just don't do that.  My DH is an amazing Daddy but so careless, like "they're not infants anymore, they bounce." 

Try to help solve the problem within the family.  If dad has rage or has abused the kids, of course call, but roman is family and it is more humane and less potentially toxic to the family if you offer everything you can to help solve the problem.

he told her that he had to do it because he had to work, but he never called her to come pick him up or anybody. his own mother lives a block away and could have came over. even if he had called me i would've driven the 25 minutes over to get him and even his daughter, who is from his previous relationship. there was definitely calls he could have made and didn't. and now when she told him that was wrong and he shouldn't have done that now he is denying it and saying he was at home all night. 

la79al

I vote no as well.  It's gonna start getting crappy when the child is caught 'tattling' on his parent to the other parent.  If your sister is so concerned over who is watching her kid, have her get that worked into the custody order and then when he repeatedly violates, she can fight for him to lose custody.

ETA: if the kids were both sleeping, how did they know he left?  If dad starts getting in trouble for questionable parenting styles, he is going to stop communicating with mom.  Not good!

kimberlyk921

la79al:

I vote no as well.  It's gonna start getting crappy when the child is caught 'tattling' on his parent to the other parent.  If your sister is so concerned over who is watching her kid, have her get that worked into the custody order and then when he repeatedly violates, she can fight for him to lose custody.

ETA: if the kids were both sleeping, how did they know he left?  If dad starts getting in trouble for questionable parenting styles, he is going to stop communicating with mom.  Not good!

he told my sister he left them to go on a call. but he never called her to come get him or to even sit at the house while he went on the call. he didn't call anybody, his mom lives a block away.  

LoveEeyore

I still say no, BUT.  I think it's time to get a court order on custody.  Have it written into the custody agreement that if he is called for work he calls x,then y, then z until someone arrives.  It is dangerous.  I get pissed when DH is watching the kids sand goes across the street to BS with the neighbors without a momitor.  If he left altogether I'd probably book him a hotel room for a week and tell him not to come near me or the kids until I cooled off.  I get you, not trivializing, but ex doesn't have a brain, so take some of the load off.

I don't know if anyone has calmly said, thanks, man, I appreciate that you are working hard to provide for your son and sister.  That is respectable, but you can't do that.  It's against the law, and as mommy/aunt, I am afraid for his safety.  Here's a sheet with the numbers.  Call us., one of us will be there ICE until you return. 

My guess is he was raised that way and enjoys getting a rise out of his ex, and he really doesn't see the big deal.  A court order would fix that.  Good luck.  I get you and your concerns but CPS will do 1) nothing, and piss you off more.  or 2) go crazy and find them both unfit.  Bad idea, I think. 

Ivana_Stolichnaya

I think any time you have the thought, 'should I call CPS?' then you should call and let them make the decision.

Princess_Lily

IMHO this is a serious issue here, yes.

Also understand by calling CPS on the schmuck, you will without a doubt jepordize the relationship of your sister to protect the childrens welfare.  As long as you are aware of this and are willing to take your bets....then call. 

macchiatto

LSU628:

As a counselor, i was always taught that it isn't my job to investigate the situation. It is my job to report anything that I think is endangering a child and let CPS do the rest. So if you have concerns, you need to report it.

This exactly.

macchiatto

LoveEeyore:

I get you and your concerns but CPS will do 1) nothing, and piss you off more.  or 2) go crazy and find them both unfit.  Bad idea, I think. 

Based on my experiences working with CPS, I disagree with this.

Mr. & Mrs. RN

I don't believe that what he did was illegal.  Check your state law to be sure.  In many states it is not illegal to leave them at home at any age unless harm is done.  Unless you can prove harm was done...or that it was in fact illegal, I say butt-out.  Here's a link to a chart:  https://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm  Scroll down the page a bit.  It doesn't make what he did right, but I don't think there's much they will do. 

Maybe another option would be to offer him free babysitting in the middle of the night if he needs it.

Mr. & Mrs. RN

Hm, check that, what he did is illegal in Maryland.  You have ground to stand on!  Thank you Maryland for taking a stand...not very many states do on this issue.

MissAmber23

I would probably call. But, then again, as pp's have said, in most states it would not be illegal. I work with youth and had a situation last winter where I found out that a family had left their 14 year old at home alone for 10 DAYS while the parents went on vacation. She was responsible for the house, getting herself to school, taking care of the pets, and feeding herself for the whole time. I asked her if there was an aunt or uncle or grandparent or someone who could stay with her or even check in on her, and she said no. She also said that the neighbors didn't know she was alone because her parents didn't want anyone to take advantage of her being on her own. I was appalled, and reported it to my boss, who made some calls, and CPS told her that there was nothing they could do as there is no age limit in Indiana for when a child can be left on their own, nor is there a time limit for how long. 

Pier1girl

I would call, that is totally irresponsible.  There was a case locally recently where a young mother who would sometimes stay with her aunt came in with her twins after the aunt & her boyfriend had gone to bed already.  The mom showered and put the twins to bed and then went out.  Shortly after she left, the house caught on fire.  The aunt & boyfriend got out but because they had no idea the kids were in the house, they didn't get them out.  The firefighters went through the house (as is procedure) and found the kids but it was too late and they both died.  Moral of the story- anything can happen and SOMEONE needs to be aware and with those children at all times.