MoMs with an older singleton

kiwi443

I have a few questions. I hope I'm not exceeding my question limit . DS will be a little under 2 1/2 when the twins arrive. I can use all the tips I can get.

- stroller - I'm most likely purchasing a Joovy Big Caboose so that my son can be strapped in or stand on the stroller when necessary. He's not particularly great at staying with me when not contained. I can snap the carseats into this and then use it when the twins outgrow their seats. I'm hopeful that this will allow me to occasionally venture out with all 3 kids. I'm wondering if a double snap n' go would also be helpful. I won't often be out with just the twins...maybe just for dr. appts.

- How did you prepare your older child for the arrival of two new siblings? DS is very personable and is used to receiving lots of attention when we are out and about. I recognize that he may be overlooked and strangers will focus on the new babies.  

- Any related kids books to recommend? He loves when I read to him and is obsessed with books.

Any other helpful tips?

 

TIA! 

 

SoldiersGreenBean

Yes, a DSNG is a godsend.  Granted, DD1 (2y3m when the twins were born) was better about staying with me, but the DSNG was worth it's weight in gold. 

I'm not sure about the Joovy Big Caboose, but there are some stroller gurus around that could give you better advice (Goldie, come in!).  The big caboose is HUGE, and cumbersome.  We have a Valco with a captain's chair for DD1, and we love it.  If you search craigslist, you might be able to find a decent deal.

We didn't really do much to prepare DD1.  We talked about the babies, and turned her into our big helper as much as we could.  If DD1 gets overlooked, I always make it a point to say "and this is their awesome big sister!"  You'd be surprised, though, I think.  A lot of people are pretty good at recognizing there's another child there.

Dora has younger twin siblings, so you can find some Dora books that have them.  Otherwise, we only have a generic big sister book, and she's not much interested in it.

You may have to pay attention to how much one on one time your older DS gets once the twins are here.  In the early days, DD1 had a hard time losing some of the that time with me (not as much with DH).  I had to really step my efforts up to get it in with her, but it helped tremendously.

MamaCrystal

Unfortunately, there was a period of time that people were paying much more attention to our twins in public.  Luckily, DS1 just talks to them anyway ; )  Also, if people walk up and are only looking at or talking about the twins, I always make sure I include our boys in answers also... like when giving ages, or answering questions about how busy we are, etc.  That seems to shift the focus and then people will talk about the boys being big brothers.

It will probably help to just let him check out the cribs, changing table, clothes, etc.  When the twins arrive, he'll be excited that they're using all of the things that he's familiar with.  It also helps to let him be a "helper"... with anything really.  I used to let DS1 gently bounce the girls in their bouncer seats, help with grabbing a pillow if I needed it for nursing, just simple tasks that will make him feel good about all of the things he can help with.

klr210

No opinion on the stroller. My DD1 is 3 yrs 5 months so she walks and stays with us.

As for preparation -- ditto on Dora having twin baby siblings and we read Berenstein Bears and Baby Makes 5.

We talked a LOT about the babies. DD1 was allowed to explore the nursery, look at toys, clothes, etc.to feel involved. It's sorta annoying b/c it creats more work for me, but I want to foster that the babies are HER sisters and so she sees them as babies to love and not be jealous of. Now she is allowed to read to them, kiss them, show them off, etc. When I was pregnant I'd let her touch my belly to feel for baby kicks and we would just really talk about them and what it would be like. And we had the twins "buy" her a new bike and we got her Big Sister shirts and did other things like that to make her feel important and special and like she is really a part the changes in our family.

AliciaC19

There are three and a half years between my older two daughters. When I was pregnant with my second we read the Big Sister Dora book a PP mentioned. We also read What to Expect When the New Baby Comes Home and I'm a Big Sister (they make one for a brother too). I constant talked about babies and set everything up early so she would be use to seeing the swing, crib, etc in the house. I took her shopping and she helped pick stuff out for the baby (which she would proudly show off what she "bought" for the baby whenever anyone came over). I had a goody basket prepared of little toys and coloring books/crayons that I gave her before I left for the hospital to keep her occupied. Then when she came to meet her new sister in the hospital, the baby "gave" her a gift (which happened to be the Little People Dinosaur set she had been begging for). I was so concerned about jealousy but never had a problem. I think it depends on personality.

I had saved the books and started reading them to my youngest daughter now (she is almost 5). She is already jealous of the babies and they aren't even here! She has a lot of anxiety so I try to talk up the babies without overwhelming her.

schoolsoutbride

We just talked a lot about babies and tried to get him excited. 

One handy thing, once he's walking more and riding less, is to teach him to hold the stroller when you'r ein the parking lot or crossing the street.  I don't always have a hand free, and he's really good about this.  I got a little carabiner to attach to the stroller for his "handle"

missfire

I took DS1 with me to BRU one day to help pick out a few onesies for his new babies. I was at least 30 weeks along, I think, before I felt comfortable telling DS about the two babies - just afraid something would happen to our IUGR baby. We started pointing out babies in public, and DS's daycare had done a lot of role playing with baby dolls the year before to start teaching empathy. He had a few friends also expecting new siblings, and we told him he would be a super big brother to "earn" two babies instead of just one. He didn't have much jealousy early on, but is starting to get a bit rough now that the babies can get into his toys! I try to remember now that when they all need me at the same time, DS1 is the one who will remember who got my attention first, so I try to favor him over the babies when it's possible. Also, I never tell DS1 that I am too busy to do something for him - I just tell him yes, that I'll get him what he needs as soon as the babies are done with their bottles, etc.

macchiatto

Obviously I'm not really qualified to answer your post but I went "Yay, it's Kiwi!!" and had to read. I have heard from a number of MoMs that the Joovy Big Caboose is really tough to steer and handle. Some of the 1+twins moms have and love the Valco Trimode with toddler seat. It's pricey but sometimes you can get good deals on CL or wherever.

If I were you I would consider a DSNG and have DS hold on to the stroller when you're pushing it (or I've seen clips that actually attach to the mom and have a handle the LO can hold onto so it's more "humane" than a harness/leash but still gives you an easier way to hang on to J. Might be another option to consider). Another option is to wear one baby in a carrier/wrap and put J and the other LO in a double stroller. Just some thoughts to throw out there.

kiwi443

Thanks for your answers, everyone! I'm going to look at a Joovy Caboose tonight (listed on CL), but after reading these responses, it sounds as though there are better options out there.

It also nice to know that there are other mamas in the same situation who have lived to tell about it.

And Macchiatto - I'm glad you gave your opinion. J does a better job of holding onto a handle than my hand, so that might be a workable option.

kmb585

DS#1 was 27 mos when twins arrived and it has been interesting to say the least . 

IMO it was difficult to really prepare a 2 year old for the addition of 2 siblings, but we tried many of the things that PP mentioned (i.e. we talked alot about the babies, let him investigate their room, swings, etc).  So far he has been really good with the babies, but some attention seeking behavior has definitely started, however he is 2 years old and it is to be expected. One of the things that has really saved me from going insane was having DS#1 remain in his daycare program to get some of his energy out and keep his "schedule". 

As far as the stroller goes if you can spend the $$$ I would definitely recommend the valco, or something other than the Joovy.  I did buy the Joovy and it is heavy & HUGE.  Plus DS#1 can't sit on the seat while the twins are in the carseats, b/c the back seat overlaps the toddler seat. So we will really only be able to use it once babies can sit in the stroller seats on their own and by that time DS#1 will be over 2 1/2 and can, and will want to walk in the majority of places.  I went ahead bought the DSNG too and use that all the time.  DS#1 loves to "help me push" which means he is holding onto the stroller, so it is a win-win situation

Also, I just wanted to add enjoy the time now just being the 3 of you.  I love all my boys so incredibly much but I just feel like I am constantly being pulled in so many different directions that when I do find the time to spend with DS#1 (even if it is simple as taking him grocery shopping) I cherish it.

UsedToBeGoldie

don't get the joovy caboose!!!! The moms I have talked to who had it HATED it - b/c it's impossible to turn - is a horrible ride, etc.

The Valco Trimode Twin + toddler seat is the route I took- i LOVED that stroller.  Valco is about to launch a new stroller that is smaller than the Trimode, but will allow a 3rd seat attached - if you like them on FB you'll see it - i posted about it a few days ago if you scroll down you'll see... that's gonna be a FABULOUS stroller for 1+twins.

We got Griffin a CPK baby doll (that looked just like him) for Xmas befor the twins were born- so he could play with his baby, etc.  He would put his baby doll into the twin's bouncy seats and car seats when we brought them out... it was cute.

We asked everyone who was coming to visit to make sure they really gave Griffin a lot of attention - and not only did they do that- but they all brought HIM gifts- which he thought was the best- he LOVED it - and never once resented his little brothers.

BTW- he was 2y2mo when the twins were born- so just like your son will be.

We read some books about being a big brother, etc- but that really didn't resonate that well with him b/c it's just such an abstract thing-  hell, I couldn't belive I was gonna have 2 more babies- so it's not odd that HE didn't really get it until it happened

 

kiwi443

I passed on the Joovy. Thanks so much for the tips. I'm going to check out this new Valco. They are so pricey, but it sounds like it will be worth the investment.