finally admitting it

tlxh7

I have finally admitted (over the last 10 days or so) that I really need help.  When Lila was younger (under 3 months), I thought I was okay, and maybe I was.  But the last six weeks have been terrible.  I get angry with her so quickly, and I constantly feel like a bad mom.  I feel like I should know exactly what she needs all the time, and like she should never cry or be unhappy because I'm here.  I know that's unrealistic, and most of the time, that's enough to keep me calm.  But sometimes, I just fall apart, and can't convince myself that I'm not a complete failure.

I'm seeing my doctor in about 2 hours.  I guess what I'm looking for here is some camaraderie and maybe some reassurance that I'm not alone in feeling like this.  Anyone else?

reg224

You are definitely not alone. Granted, my baby is only 6 weeks old, but I go through days where I just feel like an awful mom. It doesnt help being home alone all day with her either. I talked to my doctor about it yesterday and he said it is nothing to be ashamed of, that most all first time moms deal with this. He also told me that if I still feel like this in a few months then we need to reevaluate, so I am glad you are taking the necessary steps to get some help. I will definitely be doing the same thing if this keeps up for me. Thoughts and prayers headed your way !

ksspiff

Nope, not alone!  I felt like a bad mom too. "Do you know what all her cries mean?" no! i don't!  I have failed my baby!

It's hard to reconcile what you know is true and reasonable with what the emotions force upon you. 

 Well, it's Wednesday already, how did the apointment go, tlxh7?

KJmashup

You are, in fact, a great mother for recognizing that you need help and and getting said help. I know it's hard not to be down on yourself when facing PPD, anxiety, or both. I hope you start feeling better very soon.

EVA116

That is so amazing that you are getting help. When I was really bad I just couldn't get out of the fog. I felt like I shouldn't be a mother....didn't want to be a mother. Just recognizing that I was sick made me feel better. 

tlxh7

Thanks for the support, ladies!  Appointment went great - doctor was very reassuring, and commented several times that she was glad I realized I needed help.  She started me on Zoloft.  I truly feel like just admitting that I can't fix this myself is a huge weight off my shoulders.  Thanks again!

madcat0701

So glad you got help. I felt the same way back when our daughter was born, she's now 4 yrs. old. we are expecting baby #2 this coming week. If I even get a feeling of PPD , I already have the meds ready in my medicine chest to start. With our first daughter I was so overwhelmed with these "odd" feelings and scary anxiety, i just couldn't wrap my head around it. I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to be on maternity leave with her alone etc. etc. I finally reached out to my ob/gyn after a month and a half..i was about to just fall apart at that point. She suggest a shrink--so so glad I went. He prescribed Zoloft, i was on it for almost 2 years and then gradually weaned off of it...So glad you are feeling better and don't be afraid to admit how you feel, it is scary as hell, but admitting it and getting help is such a key thing.

Good luck!