WDYT about my counter offer re. visitation?

supermom2008

STBXH and his attorney has proposed a (temporary) visitation. Week1-Thursday 6.00pm-Monday-drop off at school. Week2-Wednesday 6.00pm to Friday Morning.

I feel like this would be too disruptive (DS is 3.5 and goes to all-day preschool Mon-Fri) so I propsed EOW Friday 6.00pm-Monday drop off at school. Also a midweek overnight, if he chooses to use it. It actually gives him more time with our son than he thought he'd get but I think it would be good for our son so I'm trying to be selfless here. My attorney suggested this schedule, my heart is aching, but I think it's better for our boy to have a more structured week/month. What do you think? Am I crazy to give him more time than he asked?

andrea911

Lurker here. I think your counter offer is great. Is there anything else on the table that you would like to discuss? The reason I ask is if you submit your counter offer, it shows that not only are you willing to be flexible, but you are showing more concern for your child than your own schedule. Basically, is there anything else you would like to ask for in return? Like more holidays? Or an extended vacation period? That way, STBXH gets more time with him weekly now, but come summer time(or whenever you schedule a vacay), you and DS can have two whole weeks together alone? I don't think you're crazy for giving him more time at all. I don't know your situation, but as long as he's a good father, no one loses. Make sense? Anyway, I hope that helped. You're doing the right thing, in my opinion. Stay strong.

ETA: I'm not a single parent, but I have some experience with divorce thru my parents, my brother's 2 divorces(and 2 cross-country custody battles), and work. Certainly not a lawyer. Just my unprofessional opinion.

ShanJosh777

Maybe I am confused, but how does that give him more time than he asked for? You are giving him one less day every other weekend, proposing Friday - Monday instead of Thursday - Monday like he asked for, and one overnight per week, when he asked for two overnights on the week that he doesn't have the weekend, right? So under his proposal, he would get 6 overnights every two weeks, and under yours he will get 5.

Regardless, I think your schedule sounds better and less confusing. 

supermom2008

ShanJosh777:

Maybe I am confused, but how does that give him more time than he asked for? You are giving him one less day every other weekend, proposing Friday - Monday instead of Thursday - Monday like he asked for, and one overnight per week, when he asked for two overnights on the week that he doesn't have the weekend, right? So under his proposal, he would get 6 overnights every two weeks, and under yours he will get 5.

Regardless, I think your schedule sounds better and less confusing. 

 

I'm not talking about overnights, but rather actual time spent together, because I'm giving him weekends, rather than weekdays, where he'd be at work and DS would be in school/aftercare and would see each other. He knew I'd fight for weekends and that's why he went with the weekday option.

TurtleGirl3-4

That is essentially the schedule I have with my Ex for my YDS except he brings him home on Sunday nights at 6pm. This is not our court ordered schedule, it's just what is easiest for all of us since YDS goes to pre-school on EX's side of town. This will change next fall when YDS starts VPK though. He'll really only be losing the Wednesday overnight at that point.

ShanJosh777

supermom2008:

ShanJosh777:

Maybe I am confused, but how does that give him more time than he asked for? You are giving him one less day every other weekend, proposing Friday - Monday instead of Thursday - Monday like he asked for, and one overnight per week, when he asked for two overnights on the week that he doesn't have the weekend, right? So under his proposal, he would get 6 overnights every two weeks, and under yours he will get 5.

Regardless, I think your schedule sounds better and less confusing. 

 

I'm not talking about overnights, but rather actual time spent together, because I'm giving him weekends, rather than weekdays, where he'd be at work and DS would be in school/aftercare and would see each other. He knew I'd fight for weekends and that's why he went with the weekday option.

Oh, okay, so you are just saying you are giving him more time that he thought he would get, not more than he actually is proposing. Because really you are giving him the same # of weekend days, and one less week night if I read correctly. But like I said above, I think your proposal is totally reasonable and pretty much the standard for visitation. 

supermom2008

ShanJosh777:

supermom2008:

ShanJosh777:

Maybe I am confused, but how does that give him more time than he asked for? You are giving him one less day every other weekend, proposing Friday - Monday instead of Thursday - Monday like he asked for, and one overnight per week, when he asked for two overnights on the week that he doesn't have the weekend, right? So under his proposal, he would get 6 overnights every two weeks, and under yours he will get 5.

Regardless, I think your schedule sounds better and less confusing. 

 

I'm not talking about overnights, but rather actual time spent together, because I'm giving him weekends, rather than weekdays, where he'd be at work and DS would be in school/aftercare and would see each other. He knew I'd fight for weekends and that's why he went with the weekday option.

Oh, okay, so you are just saying you are giving him more time that he thought he would get, not more than he actually is proposing. Because really you are giving him the same # of weekend days, and one less week night if I read correctly. But like I said above, I think your proposal is totally reasonable and pretty much the standard for visitation. 

 

Acutally, under my plan he gets two full weekends. Under his plan, week #2 is Wednesday 6.00om-Friday 6.00om ( DS will be in preschool/aftercare all day Thursday and Friday). So he is getting more actual time together on my plan....but I , too think it's a better plan.