Older child - wetting accidents

frootloop

Hi gals... I was just wondering if anyone had any advice for me here... MH and I are out of ideas.

He has an 8.5 year old daughter that lives with us full time, except for summer, christmas, and spring break.

She pees herself .... constantly.  Mutiple times per week, if not daily.  We have tried to be encouraging about it, and we have shown her that she gets in BIG trouble if she lies to us about it, but no trouble, just told to go clean up, if she tells us the truth.

 

What do we do?  Her room stinks, her laundry stinks, and when I wash it and put it in the dryer, the house stinks.  (Any time we know which clothes were peed in, I wash seperatly, and wash twice).  Even her clean clothes stink because they get washed with the pee.

 

We have tried punishing, we have tried rewarding, nothing works.  She doesn't care.  She shrugs and gives us typical 8 year old attitude when we question her.  Twice last week she told us it was because her bus comes earlier than the rest, so she couldnt get to the bathroom before the bus... I have already spoken to her teacher about it, and her teacher is aware to let her go to the bathroom the *second* she asks to.  She doesnt speak up and ask, and she doesnt seem to even CARE that she is doing it. 

She is in grade 3 - I know when I was a kid, other kids were MEAN... I know mean kids would be a QUICK motivator for me to change... but it doesnt seem to affect her.

JOEBunny

Have you taken her to a doctor?  My DD is only 5.5, but she wets several times a week.  She also won't tell.  She has constipation issues that prevent her from knowing that she has to go in time to get to the bathroom.  She also has to go again shortly after she goes.  Her doctor told me she could be 14 before it completely resolves itself.  In the mean time, we remind her to use the bathroom frequently, which helps.  Her teacher specifically ask her to go frequently, not just the whole class, and she does it on the down low, so she doesn't embarrass her.

ali-1411

My kid has gone through phases when he wets himself but never so much that I was concerned.  I might take her to a doctor about it, sometimes kidney issues can cause wetting problems. 

 

DandelionMom

I'm guessing this is something you need to call the experts in on -- probably a pediatrician and a therapist to start. 

For her laundry, try using an enzyme cleaner like Nature's Miracle.  It is for pet accidents but it works great on kid accidents too. 

neverblushed

Is this a nighttime thing or is she doing it both night and day?

Daytime accidents at age 8 are not normal, as you know, and there is probably a physical or psychological reason.  Punishing her is unlikely to solve the problem and might even be making it worse.  And if she has a physical reason for having accidents, then kids teasing her are just making her upset.  She CAN'T change! 

Don't get me wrong: my son wets the bed at night fairly frequently, and it is a drag. Sometimes I get frustrated with him when he doesn't tell me, etc.  But I try to keep in mind that he's embarrassed about it and that it is a painful, upsetting thing for him to deal with.  Even if he acts like it's no big deal, I know he wishes it didn't happen.  That's probably true for your step-daughter as well.

You need to start thinking of this as a medical problem, which it most likely is, and stop thinking of it as a behavior problem.  You wouldn't punish her if she had a runny nose, right?  Ask her pediatrician for help.

If my son's laundry has several items that have been soaked with pee, I use either enzyme solution (we have it for our cats but it works on human pee too!) or febreeze laundry additive.  Otherwise, like you say, the rest of the laundry just winds up smelling like pee. 

MrsSR

First, don't punish her for it.

Second, have you called a doctor?  She might have a medical condition.

Third, why does it smell so badly?  I recently had an infection that caused me to wet myself a few times and it never smelled so bad I had to wash it twice and not with any other clothes.

The smell would worry me as well (in terms of something wrong medically).

I was on meds for two weeks and it cleared right up.  I wasn't feeling the urge to pee until it was too late.  Maybe that's the problem?

FriskyPanda

JOEBunny:

Have you taken her to a doctor?  My DD is only 5.5, but she wets several times a week.  She also won't tell.  She has constipation issues that prevent her from knowing that she has to go in time to get to the bathroom.  She also has to go again shortly after she goes.  Her doctor told me she could be 14 before it completely resolves itself.  In the mean time, we remind her to use the bathroom frequently, which helps.  Her teacher specifically ask her to go frequently, not just the whole class, and she does it on the down low, so she doesn't embarrass her.

We're going through this with my 4.5 yr old. the dr said 14?? Our dr just said Miralax indefinitely. I never thought this would go on that long.

2lovelyboys

At her age, having this many accidents is not normal and something is up.  Punishing her is not the answer.  You have to call the doctor.  She needs help -- this is not a behavioral problem.  Good luck.

Tonya_G

DandelionMom:

I'm guessing this is something you need to call the experts in on -- probably a pediatrician and a therapist to start. 

For her laundry, try using an enzyme cleaner like Nature's Miracle.  It is for pet accidents but it works great on kid accidents too. 

This. It sounds like there is either an underlying medical or emotional issue there.. but if what you've done so far isnt' working, it's time to get some help.

Wahoo

Ditto the advice to talk to a pediatrician about this.

DS has low body awareness, which among other things makes him not realize he needs to pee until it is almost too late.  Fortunately, he (and his teachers) know that he is not one of those kids who can "hold it," and he is allowed to go to the bathroom ASAP.  However, he also has a bathroom in his classroom, which makes things a lot easier.