Attachment Parenting

How do you find an AP pedi?

I think my pedi is doing her job by making sure DD has the vaccinations she needs and that she is otherwise generally healthy and gaining enough, but I really don't like the fact that she is pushing sleep training.  At her 2 month appt. she asked how she was sleeping and I told her that she wakes up 2-3 times a night to eat and generally goes right back to sleep.  She says "Time to sleep train!".  I just ignored it, but I just would rather have a doc that won't cramp our sleeping style, you know what I mean?  How would I go about finding a pedi who is more AP friendly?  Or is it just word of mouth and trial and error?

DD born 6.13.11 at 37w5d

DS born 5.23.12 at 36w5d

BFP 6.9.13|heartbeat of 128bpm 7weeks|7.23.13 ultrasound revealed no heartbeat|natural m/c and d&c 7.25.13

DS born 5.20.14 at 38 weeks

All are welcome

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Re: How do you find an AP pedi?

  • Word of mouth, definitely.

    You could try interviewing potential peds but I would much prefer a recommendation from another mom. I found mine after asking around at a LLL meeting. GL!

  • (mostly just a lurker here...)

    I asked around to other folks who had babies and who had similar parenting ideas as I did and I'm really happy with who I found. Three people recommended that same pedi, so I feel like I was really lucky.

    If I hasn't gotten good suggestions I don't know what I would have done short of interviewing a dozen different doctors.

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  • I would assume word of mouth. We found ours by sheer luck - first available. She'd never heard of BLW but researched it after our last appt and then at our big 6 mo appointment she didn't even bring up cereal until it came up "so when you begin your infant initiated feeding" LOL it was cute, whatever name she had for it. She said she read all about it and sounds fantastic. YES.
  • Our pedi isn't AP but he respects the boundaries between giving medical advice and parenting.  He's obviously been a little surprised by some things I've mentioned to him (BLW and EC come to mind) but I think he "gets" that I do a lot of research and don't just make decisions willy nilly.  He doesn't ask about sleeping arrangements and I don't bring it up.  Honestly it helps me stay grounded in what's more typical because most of my interaction with other parents is either here, in our local AP group, or my babywearing group so I'm surrounded by a lot of crunch in day to day life!

    While I'd love to have a pedi that could give advice about some of the alternative stuff, I don't think it's the end of the world to have someone more mainstream that's respectful of you as the mom and decision maker.  

    .
  • Our current pedi was luck.  He's not AP exactly, but he listens to me and doesn't judge me or tell me I'm going to hospitalize my child for doing things my way (previous pedi flat out said I was going to send ds to the er if I tried doing blw.  Yeah, that relationship didn't last long).

    Our first pedi was AWESOME, and I found him through a list of recommended pediatricians from my midwife.

    ETA: Word of mouth is good, but our first pedi also suggested checking credentials.  Like if their residency was in a children's hospital vs a children's ward, or how reputable their residency hospital is (like a Johns Hopkins vs a <enter city name> Memorial).  Sometimes expertise overall outways APism -- as long as they support you as a parent.  And of course, you gotta be comfortable :)

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  • I really dont understand this mentality. I think if you find a pedi whose medical opinion you feel comfortable with you should stick with them. I couldnt care less if my pedi and I dont see eye to eye on parenting styles. That's not what I pay her for.

    When my pedi advised me on CIO with my infants, I smiled, nodded, and changed the conversation. At the next appointment, I said "yep, STTN!" and we avoided the conversation altogether. I dont get what the big deal is.

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  • imageKC_13:

    I really dont understand this mentality. I think if you find a pedi whose medical opinion you feel comfortable with you should stick with them. I couldnt care less if my pedi and I dont see eye to eye on parenting styles. That's not what I pay her for.

    When my pedi advised me on CIO with my infants, I smiled, nodded, and changed the conversation. At the next appointment, I said "yep, STTN!" and we avoided the conversation altogether. I dont get what the big deal is.

    This.

    As PP said, your pediatrician is there to advise you on your LO's health, NOT how you parent. Unless he/she is very outspoken, I see no reason to change. You don't need to find people who agree with everything you do.

    Our pediatrician is probably more "liberal" than most, but we just lucked into that. She does an awesome job with our daughter and doesn't make it a point to give her us personal opinion on everything. We don't discuss our parenting with her (save for the obvious answers), and she doesn't ask.

  • imageKC_13:

    I really dont understand this mentality. I think if you find a pedi whose medical opinion you feel comfortable with you should stick with them. I couldnt care less if my pedi and I dont see eye to eye on parenting styles. That's not what I pay her for.

    When my pedi advised me on CIO with my infants, I smiled, nodded, and changed the conversation. At the next appointment, I said "yep, STTN!" and we avoided the conversation altogether. I dont get what the big deal is.

    Many of the AP people I know IRL chose to do an alternate schedule for vaccinations, and you would need a pedi who is on board with that.  Also, some people like to get parenting advice from a pedi, if only because they have extensive knowledge of babies/children with the added bonus that they understand medical things too (that a mommy friend might not).  For questions like how to improve a co-sleeping situation, good first foods for BLW, or how to ease the transition to a crib without doing CIO, it would be nice to have a pedi who is on board and had experience in these areas.

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  • As long as you agree on medical treatment, it's not that important to have an AP pedi. I never wanted parenting advice from a pediatrician. Don't discuss sleep with her, and if she brings it up, let her know that you do your research and you feel comfortable with how things go in your home.

    Moving us all to the same family physician was the best choice ever, though. He doesn't really care how my kids sleep, about discipline, etc.  

    I did switch doctors several times when my kids were little until we found someone good.  

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  • imageKatieB19:
    imageKC_13:

    I really dont understand this mentality. I think if you find a pedi whose medical opinion you feel comfortable with you should stick with them. I couldnt care less if my pedi and I dont see eye to eye on parenting styles. That's not what I pay her for.

    When my pedi advised me on CIO with my infants, I smiled, nodded, and changed the conversation. At the next appointment, I said "yep, STTN!" and we avoided the conversation altogether. I dont get what the big deal is.

    Many of the AP people I know IRL chose to do an alternate schedule for vaccinations, and you would need a pedi who is on board with that.  Also, some people like to get parenting advice from a pedi, if only because they have extensive knowledge of babies/children with the added bonus that they understand medical things too (that a mommy friend might not).  For questions like how to improve a co-sleeping situation, good first foods for BLW, or how to ease the transition to a crib without doing CIO, it would be nice to have a pedi who is on board and had experience in these areas.

    Yeah that's my concern.  I can shrug off the sleep stuff, but when it comes to nutrition I feel like that's where we may not see eye to eye.  As it is, her scolding me about sleep was kind of unpleasant so I would just rather avoid confrontation at every pedi appt.  She did mention that I should be starting solids by the time our next appt rolls around and she'll have just turned 4 months at that point so I'm not really comfortable with that.  Thanks for your advice and input everyone.  I think I will ask around at an LLL meeting and see if that brings any results. 

    DD born 6.13.11 at 37w5d

    DS born 5.23.12 at 36w5d

    BFP 6.9.13|heartbeat of 128bpm 7weeks|7.23.13 ultrasound revealed no heartbeat|natural m/c and d&c 7.25.13

    DS born 5.20.14 at 38 weeks

    All are welcome

    image

  • I didn't find an AP pedi. I found one that sticks to medical advice. In 4yr and 2 kids i think she mentioned sleep once - sleeping ok Yes. Good. She didn't ask if that was in a crib or if i was bfing in the night. Once she asked about solids and i told her i was making it she mentioned a recipe for chicken liver that she said was a good iron source. That.s all the parenting advice i've gotten from her. And i'm ok with that!
    - Jena
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  • imageSinafey:

    Our pedi isn't AP but he respects the boundaries between giving medical advice and parenting.

     

    This.  A hundred times, this.  Doctors do not take classes in parenting.  They don't get special training or certification in parenting techniques.  Why would I ask them about it any more than I'd ask anyone else with a kid?  Now, if your doc had a second degree in cultural anthropology, I might change my mind. :P

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  • imageTiffanyBerry:
    imageSinafey:

    Our pedi isn't AP but he respects the boundaries between giving medical advice and parenting.

     

    This.  A hundred times, this.  Doctors do not take classes in parenting.  They don't get special training or certification in parenting techniques.  Why would I ask them about it any more than I'd ask anyone else with a kid?  Now, if your doc had a second degree in cultural anthropology, I might change my mind. :P

    Yeah I totally get that.  I don't care about what the doctor thinks as long as she keeps her mouth shut about it!  I guess the better question would be how do you find a doctor who minds their own business!

    DD born 6.13.11 at 37w5d

    DS born 5.23.12 at 36w5d

    BFP 6.9.13|heartbeat of 128bpm 7weeks|7.23.13 ultrasound revealed no heartbeat|natural m/c and d&c 7.25.13

    DS born 5.20.14 at 38 weeks

    All are welcome

    image

  • I agree with others your pedi is there for the health of your child not to parent your child.

    If you don't like what he/she says just don't tell them, like other people they are going to have their opinion.  You either take it or not.

     

                                                 Mom to 4 wonderful daughters
                                 Breanna, Ellie and 
                                 our 2 rainbow babies.

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  • Doctors are used to parents asking for advice. Make it clear that you're not interested in their parenting advice (you can do this without being rude) and move on. 
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  • We found our ped while looking for doctors who offered vaccine counseling and an alt schedule. They were listed at https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/vaccines/find-vaccine-friendly-doctor-near-you. While being on that list doesn't neceeasrily mean they are pro-AP, it can be a good place to start.

    Personally, it's been great to have a ped who is supportive of AP choices. She cheers our bedsharing because it works for us and that's the same attitude she takes in general. As long as DS is happy and healthy. And being a first time mother, I also value her opinion as a mother of small children herself.

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  • imageKatieB19:
    imageKC_13:

    I really dont understand this mentality. I think if you find a pedi whose medical opinion you feel comfortable with you should stick with them. I couldnt care less if my pedi and I dont see eye to eye on parenting styles. That's not what I pay her for.

    When my pedi advised me on CIO with my infants, I smiled, nodded, and changed the conversation. At the next appointment, I said "yep, STTN!" and we avoided the conversation altogether. I dont get what the big deal is.

    Many of the AP people I know IRL chose to do an alternate schedule for vaccinations, and you would need a pedi who is on board with that.  Also, some people like to get parenting advice from a pedi, if only because they have extensive knowledge of babies/children with the added bonus that they understand medical things too (that a mommy friend might not).  For questions like how to improve a co-sleeping situation, good first foods for BLW, or how to ease the transition to a crib without doing CIO, it would be nice to have a pedi who is on board and had experience in these areas.

    But none of these are medical questions and the vaccination issue has nothing to do with AP. And parenting questions to your pedi is weird to me. 

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  • is she pushing sleep training? have you told her that you wont be doing that?  i wouldnt change docs until you talk to her first.  she mght be really supportive.
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  • imagelanie30:
    imageKatieB19:
    imageKC_13:

    I really dont understand this mentality. I think if you find a pedi whose medical opinion you feel comfortable with you should stick with them. I couldnt care less if my pedi and I dont see eye to eye on parenting styles. That's not what I pay her for.

    When my pedi advised me on CIO with my infants, I smiled, nodded, and changed the conversation. At the next appointment, I said "yep, STTN!" and we avoided the conversation altogether. I dont get what the big deal is.

    Many of the AP people I know IRL chose to do an alternate schedule for vaccinations, and you would need a pedi who is on board with that.  Also, some people like to get parenting advice from a pedi, if only because they have extensive knowledge of babies/children with the added bonus that they understand medical things too (that a mommy friend might not).  For questions like how to improve a co-sleeping situation, good first foods for BLW, or how to ease the transition to a crib without doing CIO, it would be nice to have a pedi who is on board and had experience in these areas.

    But none of these are medical questions and the vaccination issue has nothing to do with AP. And parenting questions to your pedi is weird to me. 

    Agreed about the vaccines not necessarily being AP, however there is (in my experience) a correlation.  But whatever, that's neither here nor there.  If you are using your pedi for strictly medical reasons, then great, don't worry about their level of AP.  

    However, for me, I like to have my pedi know everything that is going on with my LO and I feel better knowing that he is on board and available should any questions or concerns arise.  If what I am doing is unconventional (co-sleeping, blw, extended bfing, ECing, etc), I would rather not be judged and told that I'm doing it wrong.  Our first pedi (man I miss him!) actually did ALL of these things with his own children, and was able to offer advice for co-sleeping and ECing when I didn't know anyone else who had done these things.

    I guess what I'm saying is that, for some people, it's nice to have a pedi who supports their parenting decisions, and is able to then examine the child with all of that in mind.  If your child is just getting looked at from a medical point of view (because the pedi is assuming you're more "traditional"), then I feel like things could potentially get overlooked because the doctor doesn't see the bigger picture.

    And just for the record, I absolutely support having a more knowledgeable pedi over one that is just ok, but AP.  There are too many things is this world to risk having an "ok" pedi. But having both is ideal for me.

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  • imagelanie30:
    imageKatieB19:
    imageKC_13:

    I really dont understand this mentality. I think if you find a pedi whose medical opinion you feel comfortable with you should stick with them. I couldnt care less if my pedi and I dont see eye to eye on parenting styles. That's not what I pay her for.

    When my pedi advised me on CIO with my infants, I smiled, nodded, and changed the conversation. At the next appointment, I said "yep, STTN!" and we avoided the conversation altogether. I dont get what the big deal is.

    Many of the AP people I know IRL chose to do an alternate schedule for vaccinations, and you would need a pedi who is on board with that.  Also, some people like to get parenting advice from a pedi, if only because they have extensive knowledge of babies/children with the added bonus that they understand medical things too (that a mommy friend might not).  For questions like how to improve a co-sleeping situation, good first foods for BLW, or how to ease the transition to a crib without doing CIO, it would be nice to have a pedi who is on board and had experience in these areas.

    But none of these are medical questions and the vaccination issue has nothing to do with AP. And parenting questions to your pedi is weird to me. 

    That's my concern though.  I never asked her any parenting advice at all.  I'd be happy to be have DD examined, weighed, etc. and then be on our way, but she really does push the sleep training thing and I just don't feel like it's a medical issue.  All in all I just want a pedi that I can at least feel comfortable discussing certain issues (such as when to start solids, etc.).

    DD born 6.13.11 at 37w5d

    DS born 5.23.12 at 36w5d

    BFP 6.9.13|heartbeat of 128bpm 7weeks|7.23.13 ultrasound revealed no heartbeat|natural m/c and d&c 7.25.13

    DS born 5.20.14 at 38 weeks

    All are welcome

    image

  • Did you say anything to her about it? If you are happy with the medical care your LO is receiving, I would try another appointment and if she brings up sleep training again, just say "Thanks, but we've researched/talked about it/etc and we're not interested in sleep training." Her response to that would really be the deciding factor for me. If she drops it, great. If not, you can decide how much it bothers you.

    Like others have said, many doctors are used to being asked for advice from parents, and may not realize that you don't want it.

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  • imageKC_13:

    I really dont understand this mentality. I think if you find a pedi whose medical opinion you feel comfortable with you should stick with them. I couldnt care less if my pedi and I dont see eye to eye on parenting styles. That's not what I pay her for.

    When my pedi advised me on CIO with my infants, I smiled, nodded, and changed the conversation. At the next appointment, I said "yep, STTN!" and we avoided the conversation altogether. I dont get what the big deal is.

    This.  I listen to the medical advice and ignore the parenting advice.  If they get pushy with the parenting advice I push back.

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  • imageSinafey:

    Our pedi isn't AP but he respects the boundaries between giving medical advice and parenting.  He's obviously been a little surprised by some things I've mentioned to him (BLW and EC come to mind) but I think he "gets" that I do a lot of research and don't just make decisions willy nilly.  He doesn't ask about sleeping arrangements and I don't bring it up.  Honestly it helps me stay grounded in what's more typical because most of my interaction with other parents is either here, in our local AP group, or my babywearing group so I'm surrounded by a lot of crunch in day to day life!

    While I'd love to have a pedi that could give advice about some of the alternative stuff, I don't think it's the end of the world to have someone more mainstream that's respectful of you as the mom and decision maker.  

    This describes my relationship with my pedi exactly...I respect him for his medical advice, etc and he doesn't bring up anything "parenting" related unless I ask (and I don't really ask unless I think there's a medical aspect to it).  My pedi runs through his normal "checklist" of stuff and over the years has gotten to know my style and know that I am uber-informed and researched, critical thinking and in which direction am I trying to go with my children.  His office is in kind of a rough neighborhood (he's seriously a saint, diamond in the rough, I don't know how he does it day in and day out) so I think I'm sort of a breath of fresh air to his typical clients where he has many more serious issues to worry about.  He's just happy that my child is in a safe, secure, loving environment (which is not the case for some of his other patients Sad)

    Two kids..5 and 2
  • imageKC_13:

    I really dont understand this mentality. I think if you find a pedi whose medical opinion you feel comfortable with you should stick with them. I couldnt care less if my pedi and I dont see eye to eye on parenting styles. That's not what I pay her for.

    When my pedi advised me on CIO with my infants, I smiled, nodded, and changed the conversation. At the next appointment, I said "yep, STTN!" and we avoided the conversation altogether. I dont get what the big deal is.

    I don't look for parenting advice from my doctor either, but so far I've been to one who told me that if I kept holding my baby she'd come to expect it because I held her during the visit (apparently that's a bad thing?), not because of something I asked. She also advised me on how to schedule LO's feedings, even though I said we were feeding on demand. The next one told me to feed my on demand, EBF infant less because she was in a high percentile for weight (and height, might I add).  Oh, and they check off something on our chart about our sleeping arrangements and have a brochure on their desks titled "Safe and Asleep in a Crib of Their Own". That advice all came without me asking anything. I would like to see a doctor who I feel comfortable with, and I didn't feel like I could trust either of them.

    So, it's not that I care whether or not my pedi follows my parenting philosophy, but I would like someone who I feel respects me and my decisions for my child. When I chose my primary care provider, I chose someone who had a similar life philosophy to me, because I felt at ease with her and I welcomed her advice outside of the strict scope of medicine. She was able to suggest some lifestyle changes that made a world of difference for my chronic illness. I hope to find a relationship like that for my daughter's doctor.

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