Jealous of bumpies — The Bump
Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Jealous of bumpies

First I am just going to say that this post is the result of 2 months of blood, sweat, tears, and frustration. To make a long story short, I have a very, VERY difficult LO. I often find myself extremely jealous of many (and I mean MANY) of you moms here on the bump. I hate seeing posts like "what time do you put your 2 month old down for the night?" Why? Because there is no "put the baby down for the night" in my house. LO will only sleep in our bed, right up against me. So therefore she is a screaming hot mess from 4:00pm-10:00 every single day since she won't nap (as I said, won't sleep anywhere but in my bed with me) and DH and I don't go to bed ourselves until 10:00. I also want to cry when I see posts about making dinner. For the past 2 months DH and I have been living off of microwavable meals since LO will not let us make dinner...and we have to take turns eating our dinners ("here you hold the baby while I eat, then I'll hold her while you eat"). This is all due to her screaming if she is put down. This one wasn't something I read on TB but a co-worker had her baby a week before I had mine and just posted on facebook that she "finished her novel and needs recommendations." NOVEL?! Really?! I could only DREAM of having time to read a book. DH and I can't even watch a 30 minute sitcom because LO is screaming her head off all evening (and remember, she does not nap). I could go on forever... Two months ago I was old by so many people that "it gets better" but I have yet to see anything get better. I cry every single day of my life. I have been to therapy, it has not helped. I am seriously about to commit myself. DH and I were both dealt very difficult hands in life (he battled cancer twice as a teen and I was with him then). I find myself asking God every day, "why couldn't we have just been cut a break for once in our lives?? WHY??"
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Re: Jealous of bumpies

  • Who have you discussed this with? Pediatrician? Anyone?
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  • I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. It sounds very stressful. It sounds like it's time to have a date night with your husband. Can you ask a friend or family member to watch her one day so you can decompress?
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  • It sounds like you need a break, and someone to help you. Some babies are just needier and that's no reflection on you or your parenting skills. Maybe get someone to sit for you for a night and go out with your DH?

    It may also be time to talk to your pedi about the sleeping thing. Perhaps your LO has a positional preference and just doesn't like to lay on her back. The RNP sleeper has been a godsend to us because our DS wouldn't lay on his back either and I spent many a night sleeping with him upright on the couch before we got it. Now he sleeps like a champ.  

    FWIW, I have directed the cooking of dinner while nursing and my DH has attempted to follow those directions for weeks now. When I get home from work, DS clings to me until he goes to bed. He literally nurses for 3 hours some nights. I've learned to eat with one hand. So I get the whole "no dinner" thing. I SO get it. DH broke down and got someone to clean our house yesterday and it was awesome. We are making sacrifices elsewhere in our budget to have them come every 2 weeks. 

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  • image gwendarling:
    Who have you discussed this with? Pediatrician? Anyone?

    Yeah....have you taken her to the pedi about it? there could be some underlying issue to her screaming her head off all the time.


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  • Have you taken her to the doctor to see if maybe she has reflux or something?

    I have to tell you, about a month ago I could have written this post.  My LO was to the point of no consoling.  It really had me physically and emotionally drained.  At his 1 month visit his Pedi mentioned him possibly having reflux.  Ever since he started on zantac he has been like a whole new child.  Granted, he still has his moments (he does have a general fussy period between 6 and 8 at night) but he has been so much better.

    Don't be so hard on yourself.  A lot of us have been in your shoes and newborns are really tough.  And I know you hate hearing it but it WILL get better!  Call the pedi and take her in.  I hope it all works out


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  • Thank ladies! She indeed does have reflux and has been on Zantac since she was about 3 weeks old. I've talked to her pedi about all her problems and we have been through so many "solutions" (would take too long to list here) but in the end, nothing ever changes.
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  • I'm sorry that your LO is being such a challenge and it will get better. She won't be sleeping in your bed the day before she goes off to college. It is taking longer, but it will happen.

    I don't mean to minimize your frustrating, but I have to say that many Bumpies, myself included, sometimes don't post about the hard spots. Maybe it's out of our own pride or a fear of judgement, but even the best 2 month old is a handful. You are NOT alone!

    Keep in mind, I only have the time and free hands to write this because DS is taking a nap. Yes, he's taking a nap in the k'tan strapped to me, while I rock back and forth with a boppy propped under him to give my back some relief. It's the only place he does nap, and he only falls asleep after a screaming fit, followed by my putting him in the k'tan and walking him a mile (a literal mile, not some figure of speech) down the street.

    I read more in the first month than ever before in my life because I was trapped under a breastfeeding infant at all hours of the day and night. I'm not sitting with my feet up in front of the fire with a sweet little ball of giggles and diaper cream next to me. I'm holding a book with one hand while a small parasite suckles the nutriants from my body and I think "dern, I should have used more lanolin!"

    Once again, I swear, I am not saying this to minimize what you are going through. I just want you to know that you are NOT alone. We just don't talk about some of these things because they're kind of a given - and maybe we're afraid of being judged.

    Oh and dinner! DH and I only eat at the same time if we are eating something that I can eat while breastfeeding DS. If he has a boob in his mouth, I might get to finish my eggroll. Otherwise, no. DS's default position is screaming. 

    I get work done in the evenings because DH does nothing but entertain DS. He's been through every song on YouTube to see which ones DS is entertained by enough to quit crying for a few second. For this to be effective at all, DH has to dance to the music and make faces at DS. My husband has turned into a lounge singer. The music that DS likes most is the music that I like the least, but if old timey country and western keeps him happy, I'm going to go with it. Also, he only likes about four sounds so we've taken to playing them over and over again in a desperate attempt to sooth him towards sleep when he's inconsolably tired.

    I usually have spit up on my clothes, my stomach looks like a very sad sack of pudding, my skin is still loose enough to turn my bthelly button inside out and DS both demands constant motion and to constantly be held, which means that I have him strapped to me all of the time and bounce more than an electrocuted crackhead.

    Also, I totally just cried because I got an email about a professional workshop for tonight being canceled. Cried. Over a workshop being cancelled because I'm that starved for in person interaction. 

    All of that said - we just had the best walk. The part after DS finally fell asleep and my neighbors stopped looking at me like I was a complete nut for walking this screaming baby down the street was the best part.

  • Sailorette...thank you. Just thank you! You have made me feel like I truly am not alone in this world. When I tell DH, "but no one else's baby is like this!" he often says that maybe they are, but their parents just don't talk about it. I'd say more but of course time is limited. But thanks to you and the other moms go replied!
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  • XSailoretteX, you have hit the nail on the head for a lot of us, and I love the way you write. 
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  • E also went through a phase of wanting to be held all.the.time.  I just let him nap on my shoulder.  He also slept in his swing.

    Have you tried a moby wrap or some other baby carrier - ergo, britax... et al.

     

    Also, he's gone through a phase of wanting us to walk while carrying him.  He would get fussy or squirmy if we sat down or put him down.  H uses the Britax carrier, and my mom uses a stroller to push him around at her house.

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  • I am right there with you!! Both my girls have reflux and I am lucky that one of my girls isn't as crabby as the other it is still beyond challenging. Most days I wonder what I have done... As one baby sleeps good at night in her rnp but the other will only sleep with me which as you know is beyond frustrating! My husband keeps telling me that I need a break but I'm afraid that it will only make me feel worse by taking some time away. Like you, people keep telling me how it's going to get better but I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. So please know you are not alone at all and there are so many times I felt like no one could possibly understand but after reading your post, I know you do! We can do this! I keep telling myself "this too shall pass"
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  • You basically described my second DD to a t. The colic combined with a severe case of PPD led me to actually running away from home one night and sitting on the side of the road sobbing at 3 am.She would scream from about 5-8 pm every.single.night and then start up again around 1 am and keep going until 5 or 6 am.

    I promise you it does get better. It really, truly does or I would not be on the 0-3 board with another LO.  It was literally like one day she woke up and decided she didn't hate life anymore and did a 180 into the smiliest happiest baby ever. She still is a little more high maintenance, but she is also so much fun. You'll get through this!

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    Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
  • Maybe you've already tried these techniques but no one's mentioned the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD or book. Have you tried the 5 S's? Most of the time that is the only thing that will calm her down. Also, I wear her alot. That is the only way I can cook dinner. And she always gets fussy as soon as dinner is ready so I can only eat standing up and bouncing or wait until DH is done eating so he can take her. Hang in there! And for you crying all the time, could it be PPD? I know you said you did therapy, but maybe some medication will help?
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  • You're not alone!!

    The first few days that I was home alone with LO, I literally couldn't even find the time to go to the bathroom. When DH got home, I handed him over and said, "Can you hold him... I really need to pee."

    The only reason I've been able to eat breakfast, get anything done around the house lately, get any sanity time at all - is because I've been very fortunate to have DH home with me since DS was about 3-4 weeks old. (He's been looking for a job.)

    I concur with PP about reading while nursing. I've logged a LOT of hours on my iPhone too, or sometimes I take my laptop and work on things like photobooks. My usual cushion on my new couch, which we bought when we moved in March, has an indentation from all my hours nursing there.

    Taking turns eating? Yep, we do that. I'm lucky that DH is the cook of the family so he makes dinner most days, and he either sets a plate in front of me to eat while nursing, or we take turns inhaling our food. We've gone out to restaurants in an effort to have some kind of a life, and either eaten one-handed or again, taken turns.

    The good news? As I am sitting here writing, DS is sitting quietly in his bouncy chair. Seems that he has found his hands to suck on, and otherwise started learning how to amuse himself. This is new as of, like, TODAY; we're going on half an hour in the chair, which is amazing. He is 11 weeks old.

    I'm sorry you've had such a hard time, but you're doing an amazing job. Can you guys get out of the house at all just for a change of scenery, even for a 20-30 min walk? Hang in there mama!

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    D: Born 7.14.11
    Baby #2: BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
    O: Born 3.2.14 (med-free!)
  • You are not alone. Just two days ago I nearly came on the bump to vent my frustration and grief over being unable to console my DD. I had tried everything and she was just inconsolable. My DH is out in the field and I haven't even had a phone call from him in 3 weeks. I only have one friend in the area and she is literally 9 months pregnant and 45 minutes away. And all my family live out of state. Other than a periodic phone call with my mom I hadn't spoken to an adult since being at the ER for a kidney infection! I felt so alone.So alone. As I walked and begged my DD to please calm down, I was composing my bump post in my head, what I would say to you girls, and how I would say it. And no matter how I mentally worded it I felt so guilty and was so afraid everyone would say I was doing something wrong and deserved to feel guilty. (Don't get me wrong, rationally I do know that this group of women is not like that and I am sure I would have received the support we're all trying to offer you, but I was so mentally worn at that point I wasn't thinking straight and too scared.) So really, not everyone's baby is a perfect angel all the time, just some of us are too afraid or too prideful or too whatever to post the ugly truths.
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  • Oh girl! When I read your msg I almost laughed to myself...NOT because I'm mean, but because I am borderline manic due to simliar issues as you have discussed.  I do not have the only sleeping in our bed problem, we never put DS in the bed with us, but he does sleep in a "Rock & Play" right next to my side of the bed.  I have had days and days where I have had to hold him ALL day long and where he has screamed for hours on end.  Welcome to the wild world of colic! My DS is 2mo old and starting to coo more and has several hours of happy in the morning but from around 11-1 in the morning/midmorning to 4 it's usually game on screaming.  I don't have a "terrific" baby like so many seem to have. I don't have a quite baby like so many mention on here. I have a red-faced fussbucket who is most conent when eaching, being held, or in the bathtub.  I have tried to come up with a schedule for sleep which seems to be working. Mine doesn't really like to nap either, if I put him down he's up every 20-30 minutes. I might sometimes get an hour or two, but in general I do not.  It's even hard to check my facebook page-so I completely UNDERSTAND.

     

    My night routine goes like this- bath time between 6:30-7:15, last feeding directly after, in his bed by  no later than 8:30.  I have to say that whitenoise has helped me immensely.  If you do not have a sleep sheep then get one!  You can also use a vacuum.  The vacuum works wonders for getting him calm, it's like a drug!  BLESS YOU DYSON!

     

    To add to my drama I have a dog that goes on alert every time my DS makes a peep and barks and whines to let me know the baby is unhappy-as if I don't already know!

     

    Good luck!!!

     

     

  • OP, I am so sorry you feel this way. I know EXACTLY what you mean. I've said the exact same thing to my husband - that everyone else is somehow managing everything just great and i seem to be the only one who can't get it together, whose LO doesn't sleep hours at a time at night, who can't get her LO to nap properly, etc, etc, etc... One fellow bumpie told me "the people who have time to post are the people whose LOs are sleeping peacefully - hence all the posts about it - but that is NOT the majority of people". That statement alone made me feel better. 

    Sailorette, i also love what you wrote. I would second everything said. You're not alone, OP, i promise you that. I found myself in tears this afternoon just because i was tired - no other reason, no major disasters.... i just hit a wall - and, at this point of our lives, with all the stressors that we have going on, it takes so little to make you feel overwhelmed.

     Hang in there, Mama! You're doing a great job because you are there every single day. I'm a FTM so i'm clinging also to the hope that it gets better. That's what everyone says and that's what i'm trusting in right now. (((((Hug))))) 

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  • You are not alone!  My baby had colic and screamed from 5-10 p.m. every night.  Things started to get better at about 3 months. 

    Now at 5 months she rolls all over the place, smiles, plays, naps and sleeps through the night.  Last night she did 11 1/2 hours straight.  Seriously, it will get better!!!!!

     Oh and if you can, get a babysitter and go out with your husband or just sleep!!!  When my LO was 9 weeks old we went to a wedding for a whole weekend.  I just pumped, but I can tell you it was amazing and saved my sanity. 

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  • Keep in mind, the ladies with CRAZY hard babies aren't on here.  

    I know it probably seems like every baby in the world is easier than yours.  But, every baby is hard in their own way.  My LO came 9 weeks early.  It was incredibly stressful.  I have a nearly 5 month old, but he is really like a 2 month old.  

    Basically, having a baby is hard.  Even "easy" babies are needy.

    PLEASE get on care.com and get a babysitter to come over so you can take a nap, call on family to cook food or help with your LO.  DON'T just try to take this on yourself.  Good luck! 

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  • I've been there too.  I actually wrote a blog article about it because I have had a lot of questions and it became time consuming to type the response each time.  Feel free to read about my experience and what ended up working for us (probiotics+chiropractor) here: http://advinrandomness.blogspot.com/2011/09/c-word.html.  It doesn't help when you are told that it will get better eventually, that's for sure!
  • Get you guys a baby sitter!! Get someone from church, friend, or a family member to come 3 nights a week so you guys can go to another room to just chill out, or go to supper or eat by yourselves... It WILL get easier, just give it time.
  • image SarahPLiz:
    XSailoretteX, you have hit the nail on the head for a lot of us, and I love the way you write. 
    Ditto. Babies are hard. I'm so sorry you're going through such anhard time. Please ask for support! You deserve it!
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  • Sorry if this was mentioned in another reply. Are you BFing or FF? We had this problem with our LO ( I was ready to pack up and move to my moms with her because the stress/guilt was way to much ). Turns out LO had a milk allergy and switching to the soy helped ( still has her bad days gas, screaming for hours ). Have you tried laying LO in your bed and closing the door for a little bit? There were nights we would have to do this and I would sit in front of the door crying as well.

     Just remember how beautiful your baby is and at least LO will not remember this nightmare you and DH are going through.

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  • image Trishd:

    Have you taken her to the doctor to see if maybe she has reflux or something?

    I have to tell you, about a month ago I could have written this post.  My LO was to the point of no consoling.  It really had me physically and emotionally drained.  At his 1 month visit his Pedi mentioned him possibly having reflux.  Ever since he started on zantac he has been like a whole new child.  Granted, he still has his moments (he does have a general fussy period between 6 and 8 at night) but he has been so much better.

    Don't be so hard on yourself.  A lot of us have been in your shoes and newborns are really tough.  And I know you hate hearing it but it WILL get better!  Call the pedi and take her in.  I hope it all works out

     

    This! My son had reflux and meds help. Also I put some Karo in bottle every other day.

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  • image Trishd:

    Have you taken her to the doctor to see if maybe she has reflux or something?

    I have to tell you, about a month ago I could have written this post.  My LO was to the point of no consoling.  It really had me physically and emotionally drained.  At his 1 month visit his Pedi mentioned him possibly having reflux.  Ever since he started on zantac he has been like a whole new child.  Granted, he still has his moments (he does have a general fussy period between 6 and 8 at night) but he has been so much better.

    Don't be so hard on yourself.  A lot of us have been in your shoes and newborns are really tough.  And I know you hate hearing it but it WILL get better!  Call the pedi and take her in.  I hope it all works out

     

    This! My son had reflux and meds help. Also I put some Karo in bottle every other day.

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