Appropriate way to end an email or not??
Some of you saw my rant about the "issues" Jayden was having with school. During the communication with the teacher on a daily basis, I asked her to contact the OT for a teacher eval b/c I noticed he had been grabbing his ears and screaming out of nowhere and was talking very loudly. He'd also react to loud sounds on television, so I suspected some sensory issues resurfacing. Also, he had an EEG and the neuro believes he's having silent seizures again. SIGH...
Anyway, we had his IEP meeting today and when I asked about OT his teacher told me that the OT said he didn't qualify (The OT wasn't able to attend this morning's meeting). I didn't fully agree (I simply asked what she based the decision on) so the teacher handed me a copy of the email from the OT and said "Her number is on there so you can contact her about it." I read over the email when we were wrapping up the meeting and I couldn't believe my eyes. It seems like the teacher and the OT misunderstood why I'd asked for an evaluation in the first place. Perhaps the OT went into it thinking that she was called out to correct his behavior issues b/c every paragraph in the email states why she doesn't feel that Jayden's behavior has anything to do with him being overstimulated. This bit of info stands out to me b/c I just don't understand her reasoning:
"In the cafeteria, there is a lot of noise; however, upon observation, Jayden's screaming started when he did not want to eat his lunch. He was not putting hands over his ears or crying that it was too noisy. He would make eye contact with staff while screaming. It appeared he was screaming to get a reaction and if the reaction of the staff was to ignore him, he screamed louder. This was not an oversensitivity to sound at this time, Jayden was in complete control of his actions."
Jayden has a speech delay. He also has sensory issues. The cafeteria is extremely loud. Any other day, Jayden devours his lunch. Is it so far fetched to think that perhaps on this particular day he WAS actually reacting to the noise but didn't know the words to use to express that, or even the gestures. So instead he screamed. Perhaps the eye contact was him needing someone to come and help him with the words he needed, as opposed to ignoring his screams. I do believe he was in control of his actions, but I also feel like he didn't know what other action to take if he was indeed reacting to noise in the cafeteria on that day. The rest of the email continued to say how suggestions I made and the things she tried on him failed to shape his behavior in class. Also she noted that she tried the body sock on him and it helped him for 2 days but then he did not want it anymore so she stopped using it...I feel like she's not able to look past his behaviors in order to help him with obvious sensory needs. The entire email pretty much summed up the fact that he is simply a behavior problem and she can't be of any help, but what really got me was the very last sentence of the email. The way she chose to end an email that was already pretty much negative in tone:
"Jayden wants what he wants when he wants it, and he will have a fit if he does not get it."
Maybe it's just me (since he's my child) but I just think that is a rude and unprofessional way to end any correspondence about any child whether it's true or not. In this case, he was being sent to the PEI classroom whenever he would have a tantrum about something he didn't want to do so he learned that if he pitched a fit, he'd get to go to a room with less demands and not have to do what was asked of him. He is manipulative and when he sees that a person will give in to his fits, he will have one, but that is not the case when he's made to know that he has to follow the rules. Of course he still has meltdowns but he gets over them quickly once he realizes that you mean business and he will not get his way. However, in this case, I do believe he will have a fit if he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it, only b/c now he knows he will get it, but at the same time, I just feel that this was a very inappropriate statement made by the OT.
I'm going to (attempt) to sleep on this and see how I feel about it tomorrow, but in the mean time, what is my next step as far as getting him back into OT at school? This particular therapist obviously cannot see past his behaviors so I don't know if it would be wise to even press the issue with her or not. But if he's exhibiting auditory defensiveness at home, I'm sure he's experiencing it at school as well, possibly even worse. The OT even noted sensory defensiveness (tactile and auditory) but stated that it didn't seem to be the root of his behavior issues...
And Elias Parker, Born 3.5 weeks early 12/20/2011
FINALLY!!! After 7 years of infertility!
Re: Appropriate way to end an email or not??
I felt that she threw the OT under the bus as well, especially since she handed the email to me and pretty much said here's what the OT thought about him, you can call and talk to her about it...Also, she had highlighted every detail in the email about his behavior and it was almost as if she was trying to say "See, I'm not the only one who sees these behaviors."
I have sent an email out to the principal and the head of special education, regarding the email. School was out today so I should hear something by next week.
I'm sure that there was a ton of manipulation going on there with Jayden's behavior b/c once he started acting out in class the teacher would simply send him to the smaller, less demanding PEI class and he would then learn that he could "escape" the demands placed on him if he had a fit. But at the same time, there was ONE line in the entire email that stated he qualified for OT because of sensory defensiveness (tactile and auditory) but then the remainder of the email was simply pointing out his behavior issues. So it just confused me and offended me, if I'm being honest.
And Elias Parker, Born 3.5 weeks early 12/20/2011
FINALLY!!! After 7 years of infertility!
I can't multi quote as well as you do, Auntie, so bear with me! LOL!
"Maybe they get the impression that you are one of those moms who is a bit in denial about the impact your son's behaviors have in the classroom. The reality is that any "extra" effort he gets is coming out of instructional time for other kids."
I am pretty sure that's the impression they get b/c when she started calling me daily with concerns about his behavior, I was honestly in shock by many things she mentioned b/c we don't deal with those behaviors at home and never dealt with them before at his previous school. I do not doubt that he is acting out in a major way, but whenever I'm asked for suggestions on how to deal with those behaviors I am stumped b/c we have never HAD to deal with many of those behaviors. When I mentioned that he does not behave in that manner at home or with other caregivers, I was given the side eye by the speech therapist but the special ed coordinator bucked her eyes and said "He doesn't??". Honestly, he doesn't, but I do get that there are far more demands placed on him at school than at home. Unless I find 14 other kids to bring into my home on a daily basis, I cannot mimic his school environment at home in order to bring out those behaviors and try to work with him at home. Also, I did let the teacher know that I understood that his disruptive behavior was obviously more than they are able to accommodate with a class of 16 students and only two adults and 70% of the class being typical children. My disappointment was that the teacher made the decision to place him back in PEI after I expressed my concern with that over the phone with her and requested to have an IEP meeting to discuss it. She moved him on her own a week before our meeting.
"Have you ever explored the idea of a one on one paraprofessional for Jayden? Maybe this is the accommodation he needs to succeed in a mainstream setting. It would reduce the burden on his classroom teacher and could help Jayden learn more appropriate behavior by giving him breaks more proactively rather than reactively."
I requested a PARA for him a while back when I enrolled him in a private preschool 2 days a week but I don't think they para was able to go to that particular school?? I cannot remember exactly, but I requested the para before he even started there b/c I was concerned he would have behavior problems, but the director ended up telling me that he didn't even need the para b/c his behavior was below the radar and not disruptive. He had fits, but was easily redirected. However, I will ask about a para again. Since he's in the public school system, he should have access to one.
"Typically developing kids don't "select" a self contained classroom with more impaired peer models and repetitive instruction instead of actively engaged classmates and challenging new instruction. Maybe the bigger picture is that Jayden isn't comfortable in the mainstream setting for any number of reasons. Maybe he needs a higher degree of positive feedback of a higher teacher ratio, maybe the sensory piece of the larger class is beyond what he can handle now. Maybe he so rigid, immature or anxiety driven that he can't attend to a less preferred task when required so to do."
He seems to "choose" his caregiver as opposed to caring about the environment he's in. When Jayden meets new adults, he will look them in the eye and he seems to decide if he can trust them within the 1st few minutes of meeting them. Usually, he gravitates to women with happy personas, who smile often and actually come down to his level to talk to him. He will not talk for the first day or so, as he will observe the ADULT to continue to build trust, Once he starts talking, if that adult seems to not understand his speech or not TRY to understand his speech, he shuts down. This is exactly what his teacher described to me when we had the 1st parent teacher conference to discuss his progress after 2 weeks of school. She told me, "He seemed to sit back and observe for the first few days and he slowly joined in and has been a pleasure to have in the classroom." A week later, that all changed, so perhaps he was still observing and testing the waters. Once his teacher started to get frustrated with him (I saw her face during one of his fits and you could see that she was not wanting to deal with it yet again) he may have decided to choose a new ADULT. This happened for a few weeks in his last school, when his teacher was out b/c her husband was very sick and Jayden would cry to go to another teacher that he was comfortable with. Her number of students was a bit more than twice the number of students in his usual class, so it doesn't seem like he's choosing the classroom based on the children, but rather the adult. I've witnessed this in everyday things with Jayden. When we discipline him, he looks directly in our faces to see our expression. He wants to make sure that we are not "mad" at him. Also, there are times when my mom will be preoccupied and not try to understand what he's saying when he's mispronouncing things, so as a result, she's the last person he goes to when he wants something. I'm not sure if that raises red flags or not, but I can understand wanting to be in the company of someone who can understand his needs b/c he may have that fear of being misunderstood.
"I wonder if you need to reconsider his placement. I know he's a bright enough child, but maybe with his particular issues a mainstream class is just too much right now. I know you feel he should be getting mainstrea academics; there is no reason he can't. I have a friend who successfully advocated for college level physics to be delivered to her son's self contained classroom in middle school. Another option might be to transition to mainstream by doing a reverse pullout where Jayden and his aide attend those classes where he is strongest and most appropriately behaved while having his services and challenging classes deliver in the SDC. Over time he could bridge slowly into mainstream."
Yes, we've already made the decision, on Thursday, to change his placement. My priority at the moment is his happiness while attending school. He's only in pre-k so I don't want him to see school as a place that makes him sad. Due to the teacher making the decision on her own to place him in PEI, I felt that I would be hurting him more than helping him by pulling him out of PEI and back into an environment that he thinks he has escaped. Suppose he's breathing a sigh of relief in PEI, you know? So no matter how angry or upset I am about the teacher changing his placement without my consent, I have to think about him first. So the decision was made to leave him in PEI right now (he was in PEI in his last school and although his speech didn't improve as much, he was learning b/c he wasn't having these major behavior issues) and to slowly transition him back into the inclusion class. Right now, the inclusion teacher says that he only does well during centers and they do centers for 30 min in AM and 30 min in PM, so he will be going to the inclusion class for an hour each day and spending the remainder of the day in PEI. PEI and the inclusion class go to lunch together and they have recess together, so he will also spend that time around typical peers. Once he shows that he is handling the 1 hour in inclusion without major behavior outbursts, they will increase his time. We are scheduled to meet again at the end of the 9 weeks to discuss his progress. Since he's in pre-k, he is still getting mainstream academics, so I guess that's an advantage to him still being so young. However, we won't have that option once he goes to kindergarten (if he can even move on). My concern is, how long do we continue to do what's comfortable for him? When do we decide to push just a little to get him to his LRE? It's hurtful to see my almost 5 yr old in a class with 3 yr olds, but I do feel that a slower transition is needed. I worry about his social skills b/c when we did observe him in the PEI class, he plays alone (albeit happy, doesn't look withdrawn) yet when he's in the inclusion class he WANTS to play with his peers, which is what usually gets him into trouble.
It's just an exhausting process, but nothing in me is going to allow me to stop fighting for him. I really appreciate your advice and thoughts, Auntie, to keep me rational throughout.
And Elias Parker, Born 3.5 weeks early 12/20/2011
FINALLY!!! After 7 years of infertility!
This information is very reassuring to me. Everyone seems to have tiptoed around what will happen with him once he of age to go to kinder (next August), I guess b/c there is a big chance that he won't be mentally ready by then. The one time that it was brought up was when his teacher (the inclusion teacher) told me that the behaviors would be the main thing keeping him out of mainstream once he reaches kindergarten and that there's no kindergarten inclusion class so it scares me to even think of what his placement would be. Like how long will they keep a 5 (nearly 6) yr old in a class of 3 yr olds? Academics have never been addressed with me so I was under the impression that he wouldn't be able to be presented with mainstream curriculum if he remained in a spec ed classroom. So really, he just needs to be in an environment most conducive to him actually learning. Now it's making sense to me, but I still am concerned about the social skills.
Also, I have been taking him to see an LCSW but he has his first appt with a private psych next month.
And Elias Parker, Born 3.5 weeks early 12/20/2011
FINALLY!!! After 7 years of infertility!