Freaking out about visitation!!!! Please tell me if this is the norm.

supermom2008

STBXH just told me that his attorney sent in a proposal to my attorney for temporary visitation. He has a big mouth so he told me some of the details, most disturbing being that he is asking for EOW, Long weekends plus additional visitation midweek. I asked him what he meant by a long weekend and he sad 4 days, like from Friday through Monday. I can't even breathe. I was thinking EOW- Friday he picks DS up from daycare and I have DS back in my arms Sunday night. From reading all your posts, it doesn't  look like some anyone here has their kids gone for 4 day weekends, am I right? That just seems excessive for a three year old who is very attached to his Mommy. I feel like like I'm going to passout at the thought os DS crying for Mommy.

ShanJosh777

EOW plus one week night visitation seems pretty standard. As far as the 4 day weekend goes, I don't think that is the norm but I doubt that it's unheard of. Even if he gets that, that means he has your child 4 days out of 14, plus a few hours on a week night. That doesn't seem excessive.

I don't know your situation, and I know it's hard to face having to be away from your child, but it's important for him to have time with his father too and to build that relationship. I wish that my son's father was that interested in being in his life. I know, the grass is always greener, but that's how I feel. 

sweetie0228

Alright drama llama, calm down.  He can ask for the moon but that doesn't mean he'll get it.  While a 4 day weekend might work now when the child goes to real school it might not work at all.

Your 3 yr old will grow and adapt, just because he's attached you doesn't mean he can't attach to his father as well.  He won't be crying for you, he probably won't even think about you b/c out of sight out of mind.

You will have a rough day to day and a half as he transitions back home from being w/ dad.

Honestly, what he's proposing isn't the worst schedule in the world but if you don't want that, offer back what you can live with.

JCGreene85

supermom2008:

STBXH just told me that his attorney sent in a proposal to my attorney for temporary visitation. He has a big mouth so he told me some of the details, most disturbing being that he is asking for EOW, Long weekends plus additional visitation midweek. I asked him what he meant by a long weekend and he sad 4 days, like from Friday through Monday. I can't even breathe. I was thinking EOW- Friday he picks DS up from daycare and I have DS back in my arms Sunday night. From reading all your posts, it doesn't  look like some anyone here has their kids gone for 4 day weekends, am I right? That just seems excessive for a three year old who is very attached to his Mommy. I feel like like I'm going to passout at the thought os DS crying for Mommy.

 That's all it is, is a PROPOSAL. Which means you can counter back with only EO weekend from Friday to Sunday if you want. So EO weekend and a few hours during the week is pretty typical for a 3 year old. As your son adapts to his new schedule it will be easier. It will probably be harder on you than him though

supermom2008

I guess you might see why I'm freaking out if you knew my XH. He is not a bad guy or a bad dad, but he is clueless when it comes to DS's care. He is still living in the same house with me and moving out this weekend. Last night, my son was sick with a 103 degree temp and throwing up. When DS wakes up in the middle of the night and XH says "He's fine" and just go back to bed. I take his temp, he's burning up and  I was up all night with him.  Another example is that DS was enrolled in his preschool last year but this year XH didn't even know the name of the school. So an OK father but one who is not very engaged or involved. DS is a pretty articulate three year old, but half the time, XH doesn't even unverstand what he's talking about. For all these reasons and the million others I can think of, I am worried.

sweetie0228

He can be a lazy parent b/c you are there to swoop in and take care of it all.  He's going to be thrown into deep end of the parenting pool and it will be sink or swim time.

You seem to covey that he's not going to put the child in danger.  So just expect that you will be getting a call by Saturday or he'll figure out his own way.

Chilax it's still only a proposal and it's only a weekend, you'll survive and they will survive and everyone will learn from it.

Libramom2b

Friday to Monday EOW is generally considered a 3 day weekend (3 nights). If your DS goes to school, this is actually a preferred schedule by many experts b/c it minimizes the transition for the child (if STBX drops him off at school or daycare Monday). I also understand that missing your DS induces panic, but his father has a right to see his son as well. It's better than the alternative.

kerrerin

I had these same emotions when we started the visitation. I took care of my dd 95% of the time for her first 11 months, it was only when I left my Ex decided he wanted my dd for a week at a time. I could not imagine being apart from her. Since we do not yet have a custody/time share agreement I have established the schedule.

Every Tuesday overnight and EOW Friday to Sunday 7pm. The first weekend I cried and paced and thought I heard my dd crying. The second weekend (which just passed) was much easier. I still get butterflies in my stomach when I think about not seeing her but I know that I have to trust my Ex to learn to be a good dad. He will have a more cranky baby than I do because I know all her cues but he will learn. I even added every other Thursday during the week that I have her over the weekend.

 It didn't take long but I have already grown to enjoy my free time. I enrolled in a night class and make my friends a priority on my free weekends.