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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
lilbit923
member
My son made a stupid decision.
lilbit923
member
I get a call from the school counselor that there was an "incident" with Connor at school and to call her back asap. Ok, trying to get ahold of her for 30 mins and finally reach her. Seems Connor thought it would be funny to show his little man parts to the other boys in the restroom after gym. This was also combined with the phrase "Don't make me use this!" (he saw part of Cop Out as I was flipping through channels to find something to watch. He didn't finish his dinner on time with the family as a whole and was sent back to the kitchen to finish it there. We normally all eat together in the livingroom.) Feck! Connor's main concern wasn't that he would be punished, he didn't want to disappoint me. Well sorry big man, I am very disappointed in your actions, I've raised you better than that.
I didn't think to address a clip of a movie he caught a glimpse of while I'm trying to find something to watch and I damn sure didn't think he'd make a mental jump of the crook in the movie robbing a cop with the cops gun then saying "Don't make me use this!" and Connor's mental correlation to his penis.
We don't talk freely about our body parts. We have had discussions about 'no-no spots', what they are, how they are different for boys and girls, that they are no one's business but our own, they are private to each of us and if someone touches their no-no spots then they need to tell an adult immediately. That's as far as we've gotten.
So I tried to make arrangements with the Asst. Prin. that I wanted to be present when Connor was counseled. Well, too late. They were already in the meeting when I sent an email requesting to be there and when I called the secretary put me on hold for the remainder of the conference. So nice of her after I told her twice to patch me in to the conference. I talk with the Asst. Prin and let him know I wanted to be present. He says that's not how they do things and I remind him that they do not have autonomy over my son, I am still responsible for anything that happens to him there and it's my right to be present. We discussed the situation in detail, I believe the Asst. Prin was snowed by my son and certain comments Connor made in explaining his actions. He knows how to play them and they havent picked up on that.
DH and I had a lengthy conversation and dissected his 'buzz phrases' he used to get a softer response from the counselor and Asst. Prin. We discussed what he did, how his actions made others feel and how his peers may very well remember his actions for a long time and tease him over it.
The school's punishment was sequestering Connor to a bathroom that he will use alone for the next week. (Personally, I'd love to have my own bathroom at work, I see this as a reward, not a punishment.) Our punishment, in lieu of a spanking, we wanted this to last as long as the school's. So he's being sent to bed immediately after dinner for a week. No playing, no legos, no Wii. School, dinner, bed.
Was our punishment too lenient?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My son made a stupid decision.
Cupcake I was seething mad! DH did most of the talking because he knows my temper and the patrolman in me was due to make an appearance last night. I told him if he had done this 8 years from now "YOU'D BE IN JAIL! THOSE OF THE KIND OF PEOPLE I'M USED TO DEALING WITH AND I DIDN'T RAISE YOU THIS WAY!
Cupcake I was seething mad! DH did most of the talking because he knows my temper and the patrolman in me was due to make an appearance last night. I told him if he had done this 8 years from now "YOU'D BE IN JAIL! THOSE OF THE KIND OF PEOPLE I'M USED TO DEALING WITH AND I DIDN'T RAISE YOU THIS WAY!" I was so upset. He hung his head and was apologetic. I just wasn't ready to hear it. I'm thinking of the parents of those boys, potential for a CPS case opened on our home (even though it happened at school and it's over with), what the teachers think of me as a parent (since our children's actions are a reflection of how we raise them), I'm in a million different places with this.
I would be too!!! I was the same way last week when my kindergartener decided it would be a good idea to punch another kid. He KNOWS that is not ok, I don't know what got into him...but I guarantee he won't do it again!! I think for your son, knowing that you are so disappointed in him will make a huge impression also.
I do have a kind of funny story though. When I taught kindergarten, I one time had all of the boys running out of the bathroom telling me that a student had shown them all his butt. He comes out so upset because he didn't. Well it took some digging to figure out what happened. When he peed at the urinal, he was pulling his pants all the way down instead of just down in front. He had a single mom who never thought to teach him that. I wouldn't have thought of it either! This kid was so afraid he was going to be in trouble, but we just had his mom teach him to do it without pulling his pants all the way down. The night before Kindergarten started for DS this year, I made a point of showing him!!
I was a single mom till 2009 when I married Jerry, so for 8 years it was just Connor and I. We even had a rent house with one bathroom and he knows what's appropriate in the potty and what isn't. I'm sure he was in there screwing around and thought he was trying to make a joke to win friends. Well, son, that's not how you do it. Now, I'm sure, the other peers in his class think he's weird. Of course he will get teased till another kid does something stupid and that kid will be in the hot seat. I'm so upset with him right now.
Connor is 10. He's in the resource program at school for asperger's, dyslexia and mild adhd. I was ticked at the Asst. Prin for not at least having me on a conference call with Connor. I am all for punishment but I've had some issues with this school district and their belief that my child no longer belongs to me when he's at school. Umm, yeah he does and because he's special needs I don't want him thinking I'm throwing him to the wolves when he's being counseled for bad judgement. I need him to know that I'm there for him even when he's wrong and I will support his teachers in their decisions so we present a united front. I maintain good communication with the school so I was really surprised when I was blown off for request to be there.
Yeah that would have annoyed the crap out of me. I would call and talk to them today about it because that's not right. YOU requested to be there. They should have waited. I'm sorry. Don't let this slide though. Make a stink about it so the school learns. They can't just dismiss the parents because they think their way is the right way.
Oh it did. I love our teachers and I realize it's the admin that has this belief of autonomy when our kids are there. The AP told me "Well, it's never been our policy to have the parents come when the kids are being counseled." I told him "Well, he's my son and because he's special needs I need to be looking out for those needs. So here's what we'll do. You make a note for his file and I will have it added to his ARD that ANYTIME he is in your office, another AP's office or the Principal's office, I will be given advance notice so I can be there with him." He says "I will see what I can do." smdh. "Ok look, I'm not asking for an opinion. I'm letting you know I don't like how this was handled and I'm pissed as hell that your office blew me off 3 times to put me on hold while you purposely refused to conference me in AFTER you read my email advising, in writing, that I wanted to be there with my son. If this happens again, you will like me a whole lot less. Put the note in his file please."
I can't stand having to get shitty with people. So, I'm sure I'm labeled as "that mom". I am not a child and don't like being redirected as one when I'm trying to protect the interests of my son and also make sure that the school's needs are met too.
Okay, I'm sorry lil, but that me made laugh, just for a second. I realize it's inappropriate but it's just a little funny. My brother was kicked off the bus for saying "china" on the bus. Can you guess what he really said?
But on a serious note, I think your punishment is fair and was just.
Vagina?
Thanks Mollusk, I had to eyeroll a heap during my smoke break when I got the first call. I had to quit eye rolling cuz I thought my contact would get caught up there. I was taken aback at his mental jump from gun to penis. Really son? Your best way of making friends is to flash your tiny little man peen? FML!
I just found the "don't make me use this" pretty funny.
Yeah, my brother said vagina on the bus because he apparently showed his penis to this girl and she said she would show her vagina and she didn't so they started to argue about it and he got too loud and the bus driver heard him say vagina. We only heard the other part. He had a not from the driver, but he told my mom first "I can't ride the bus anymore, I said china" He was like 6
Wow, 6? Your bro is hardcore! LOL!
Ugh, of all the crap I surf through on TV he picks a lame line from Cop Out? Man.
ITA, your punishment seems fair to me. I also agree that making him use his own bathroom seems like a reward to us. I can understand their thinking but it might end up alienating him from his peers even more than he already is. More fuel for the fire so to speak, "You have to use a special bathroom".
I would be livid about the school and how they handled your requests. Especially where he has the issues he does. It is so much better if everyone is on the same page.
O/T: Kaper, your new sig is gorgeous. You're both so beautiful.
Life with Blog
Yeah, he doesn't F around. You make a deal you stick to it, break out the good china!
Did you know the original title was supposed to be A Couple of D!cks? lol
Really Mollusk?! Geez, leave it to you to pull out a good funny. No I had no idea that was what the movie title was supposed to be. God that just makes this even worse. Geez!
Online Photo Editor
He's very reserved about his private parts. That's why I was shocked that he would do this. Beyond that why are you disturbed?
Lilbit- I feel your pain I raised both of my boys as a single parent until just last year. With my oldest I have a similar but opposite problem. DS is 10 with ADHD and borderline ASD, and one of his issues is inappropriate demonstrations. It has taken us a long while to get him to understand he needs to be more private with his boy parts and he needs to not look at other peoples.
As for your disipline, only you can decide if it is harsh enough to get through to Conner. For some kids, that would not be considered a large punishment and for others that would be the end of the world. I agree and disagree with making him apologize to those present. If the kids that saw are his friends, I would make him apologize. If they aren't, making him apologize publicly may just alienate him in the class.
To the VP I would be livid. Does Conner have an IEP or 504 plan? I would make sure that it was written in the plan that any time he needs counceling either you or Jerry is present. The school is overstepping its bounds and I would make sure they understand immediatly that you are not going to let them.
A Frog, A Monkey and a Ladybug
He knows what it's called. He is shy to say the word "penis" in front of me. So he uses no-no spot or says his pee pee when he's talking to me about it. It's not something widely discussed at home but it's not ignored either, so I wouldn't say there is a 'taboo'. This is the first time something like this has come up.
I'm not going to have him make a public apology to the class. I think this would bring it up again in their minds if they've already gotten over it. I don't want something brought up that will instigate humiliation to a child that's already seen as "different". Yes, he has an IEP and a BIP for his main teachers, resource teachers, aides, etc. I want this to be a learning experience for Connor but not to a point where he is alienated or verbally berated for it by his peers.
I so understand this. Tristan is in a small school that has one class per grade level. It has been great in so much as the teachers all know him and how to accomidate his needs. Not so much with having the same students year after year. There are a few that thrive on teasing him about stuff that happened back in Kindergarten.
A Frog, A Monkey and a Ladybug
And this is what we explained to him, long after the home and school punishments are over, this incident could very well be burnt into the memories of his classmates. Could they use this to jack with him from now on? Absolutely. Kids are cruel. Do we hope it dies a natural death and he's left alone? Yes, but unlikely.
We're focusing more on 'if you do X, then Y happens" mentality and getting him to identify the appropriate behavior for the appropriate time and have him decipher what the correct course of action should be.