Anyone else have thaaaaat friend...

jbdec28

I'm cranky and annoyed...

I have a friend who I'm fairly close with.  Her DS is four months older than my DD.  I thought it would be great before I had my LO but I find her and him more annoying than anything.  I'm really trying to get over it because she is a great person and a great friend.  But, she compares everything with me and our LOs.

 It started during our pregnancy and stretch marks.  She got a couple that only came when her son was overdue.  I was very fortunate and didn't get any.  She says, some women are just too lucky...as if I can control it.  She also like to compare our c-sections.  Mine was emergency and I don't like to talk about it because it was a traumatic experience for me.  I've only really talked to my sister about the whole ordeal.  She talked about hers constantly and I felt like I could never relate because if I started to open up about mine hers was WAY worse...but then she will claim she healed quickly and was vacuuming 3 days later.

Then after I had my LO she constantly talked about how weight loss and how she was in her pre-pregnancy clothes two months after he was born.  She also always compared our weight gain.  I gained 32 lbs and she always said how I was ssssooo much smaller than her and I'm gonna be one of "those" women who bounce right back.  I was back to my pre-preg wait about four months later but most women know nothing is the same after a baby even if you weigh the same.

Now she can't stop comparing the LOs teeth.  My DD has 5 at 6 months and her DS has 2 at 10 months. She follows ALL of her comparisons with, "but you can't compare because babies are all different!"  I am frustrated because this is so hypocritical.  I know all babies are different and I know its really hard not to compare, even when we all say (and know) you simply shouldn't.  

And, since I'm on a (venting) roll...I really don't like her parenting style.  I try to remind myself all the time not to judge.  But, let's face it, we all do it and it's hard not to!  When they come over he runs free (he's walking really well) and throws toys and his bottle at my tv.  When he walks over I'm always the one to take him away from it.  She simply sits and watches while laughing...because she thinks its funny.  Then, of course, he starts laughing and hits the tv and smashes toys on the tv stand.  She explained to me that she doesn't like to always tell him, "no" if it's not important.  My expensive tv is important!!  

She also feeds him when they are here.  Which is totally fine...but she lets him play with his food and throw it around.  I've asked her to feed him in the kitchen since I have a white carpet but he always ends up with food all over himself crawling on my NEW carpet.  Today he had a squeeze-y food pack thing that he feeds himself with.  He was squeezing it and winging it around my living room!!!

Thank you to everyone who made it through this enormous vent.  Does anyone have any advice for me?  And, how do you discipline (if you can call it that) or perhaps parent a 10 old who acts like this?   I'm concerned I will eventually be as blind to my LOs antics as she seems to be...

mmarsac

You won't be blind to your LO's antics.  The leader of my Mom's group today was talking about how it is impt to have friends with similar parenting styles.  Then you are on the same page.  I would be mortified if my DD ever threw something at my friend's tv or spilled something on her carpet.  Not okay in this house.  Granted, boys can be a bit rough, but they still need to be given limits.  In my opinion, honesty is the best policy.  Next time they come over say, "lets go play outside because last time there was a ton of food on my carpet and it took me forever to clean it."  You don't have to be mean or rude about it.  Just set your boundaries so that she knows what they are.   

spursgirl10

She clearly annoys you.  Stop hanging out with her OR if you can't stop because we all like to torture ourselves in some way then go to HER house so you don't have to worry about your stuff. 

Strunella

mmarsac:

Next time they come over say, "lets go play outside because last time there was a ton of food on my carpet and it took me forever to clean it."  You don't have to be mean or rude about it.  Just set your boundaries so that she knows what they are.   

I agree with this.  I also agree with the pp...go to her house and watch her LO destroy everything over there instead!

OctGirl80

The way I see it, you have 3 options.

 

1. Go to her house

2. Be honest and set boundaries.

3. Stop being friends with her.

 

If it was me, and she's a twatwaffle with such blatant disrespect for me & my things, I'd go with #3.

RayRay007

Is there anything positive about your relationship? If not, I'd let it go. She sounds annoying.

violaplayer

RayRay007:

Is there anything positive about your relationship? If not, I'd let it go. She sounds annoying.

ITA. She sounds like an annoying one-upper as well. Positively irritating! 

jbdec28

OctGirl80:

The way I see it, you have 3 options.

 

1. Go to her house

2. Be honest and set boundaries.

3. Stop being friends with her.

 

If it was me, and she's a twatwaffle with such blatant disrespect for me & my things, I'd go with #3.

hahaha! Twatwaffle! lol!  After reading all the responses I began to reply with all the reasons why we are such good friends and how much fun we have but I got stuck...we were great friends before kids but now things have changed and our friendship has too.  I don't want to be bitter and annoyed after we spend time together so I guess it's time to move on.  I still want to stay friends, but maybe hang out less frequently and not at my house!  Thanks Ladies!

jamiekendall

Truthfully, it sounds like she needs validation and attention more than anything.  Which is annoying, obviously, but that's my estimation.  And you are right to feel peeved at her and all the comparisons. 

I have an old college friend who a) shared on FB that she was preggers at six weeks (!), b) shared EVERY gory detail of her pregnancy on FB, and c) now that her son is born, still posts things like "All the weight is lost!!!  This motherhood thing is terrific for losing the lbs!" 

As my grandmother used to say, "Some people..."